who's hosting this shindig, anyway?

[kiero]

In my life there seem to be two types of situations.  If it really is a family event - like when my parents take us out - then the hosts pay for the entire thing.  Sometimes if we go out in small groups (like me DH,  one sister and her DH), then the host pays.

But in most parts of my life - people pay their own way.  Basically it will eb years before DH and I can afford to take more than one other couple out.  We can do a $100 bill - but not much more in a month.  So if a group of our friends gets together than we either pay our own way through separate bills or split the check depending on what kind of place we are at.  (Most Asian foods are great for sharing so we spilt, while Western foods are individual so we get separate checks).

I think that there is an important distingtion between someone who is organizing an event and the host.  About 6 months ago - I 'organized' a going away thing for a freind of ours.  It was at a restaurant.  She payed for a round of drinks for everyone (the maz she could afford), and everyone payed for their own meals.   If we didn't do this we would still be stuck having chips if people's living rooms for every 'party'. 

[Twik]

This is very far off topic but....

Can y'all keep a secret?   I'm ashamed to admit I've never even tried or seen sushi.

I never had until fairly recently, when a client at work decided she wanted some for lunch. It helped a lot that she knew what was good, and the correct etiquette for eating it.

So, if you get the opportunity to try it with someone who knows about it, I'd recommend you give it a try. It's not overpowering "slabs of raw fish taste" - there's a lot of vegetarian things (avocado, yum!), the seafood items are (if done properly) nicely balanced as for taste, and the sauces are savory.

However, if you're going to try it, it's recommended that you make your first attempt somewhere where they get a lot of fresh fish right from the boats, like Seattle, rather than, say, Boise. There's very little in the preparation that would disguise the taste of substandard seafood.

[Gileswench]

I got spoiled about sushi because my MIL was Japanese. She didn't make it very often, but when she did it was mighty tasty...and when we went out for sushi she knew the good places.

[Bethalize]

I've never even tried or seen sushi.

I wouldn't rush to change that.

[kckgirl]

I've never even tried or seen sushi.

I wouldn't rush to change that.

I was thinking the same thing.

[Sandi Papaya]

I got spoiled about sushi because my MIL was Japanese.

That's the way I feel about it - my grandparents' neighbors, when they lived in our hometown, were Japanese and always had a sushi/Japanese lunch on New Year's Day. I like the vegetarian selections better, but I'm still not fond of sushi as a meal.

There are a couple of sushi joints I do go to on occasion, but only when I go back to my hometown, which is close enough to San Francisco to get really fresh fish. We're a little further inland now, but I have my doubts as to how good sushi can actually be in the inner 'burbs of the San Francisco Bay.

[JuicyLife]

Hey all

Its so interesting reading about how things are done in the US of A. In Oz, if you are invited out to dinner you definitely pay your own way. It is so rare - perhaps for a 21st, and even then, only a 50/50 chance - that the host would pick up the entire bill.

Cheers,
Alison

[Cattaby]

*waves to Alisonnoof, a fellow Aussie!*

I totally agree with you Alison. Unless specifically stated at the time of the invitation, I wouldn't ever assume that the one organising the event would be paying for me. I don't think that has ever caught on in Australia, at least not with my crowd of friends.

Slightly OT: It's kind of interesting the slight changes in etiquette, or at least behaviour between similar, yet different cultures/countries. I'd be kind of cool to see a write up of all the differences!

[LifeOnPluto]

Hi alisonnoof and cattaby - I'm also an Aussie.

When I go out for dinner with friends, everyone expects to pay their own way, and if it's for something like a birthday, everyone chips in to cover the birthday person's meal.

Another factor is the age of the attendees. Because my friends and I are in our 20s, we simply can't afford to pay for everyone's meals. Drinks maybe, but not for a whole bunch of meals at a middle to high brow restaurant. So I wouldn't be quick to judge the 20 year old guest of honour in that respect.

To the OP: I do feel your pain about having to pay for other people's drinks. Could you suggest that everyone pays for whatever drinks they have, but the cost of the food is tallied up and divided equally?

[ganjin]

A sushi place, especially with a crowd of drinkers, is NOT the place you want to split the bill evenly, no matter HOW convenient it is to divide the bill that way.  Most places are by-the-individual-servings and some folks can load up on a hundred dollars' worth in one dinner.   You and your dainty appetite mostly for the veggie offerings would end up paying for a lot of high-end premium seafood for the gobblers.

I cannot imagine eating raw fish in any form, but Hubby LOVES it, and so I go with him for an occasional special evening, having eaten my own dinner earlier at home.   This is the only time I do this, but I enjoy watching him, and learning about the different flavors and preparations---and besides, that food is ART!!
I love looking at all the colors and shapes and presentations of each course.

But it's wildly expensive, and we'd think long and hard before hosting a dinner there.   You are wise, on so many levels, to pass on this "treat."

PS---Not even a written invitation can shield you from this pay-your-way thing.  We've had to pick up the slack for several guests caught short by wily "hosts" who mailed out invitations, put up a couple of balloons and considered it their share.  Plus, once, we had to pay for one of the three appetizers ORDERED FOR THE TABLE by the folks with their name in the "host" line.   And then, only because the hapless waiter was caught unawares, and the totty hoorahs pointedly ignored his request of "Who's paying for the blooming onion?"   I think the balloons fooled HIM, as well.

[sammycat]

Unless specifically stated at the time of the invitation, I wouldn't ever assume that the one organising the event would be paying for me. I don't think that has ever caught on in Australia, at least not with my crowd of friends

A 4th Aussie here (well, half Aussie, half Kiwi - go All Blacks!).  This is exactly my experience too, and I'm so glad it hasn't caught on, as otherwise none of us would ever go out LOL.  In my experience, it's usually that we are looking for an excuse to go out and if it happens to be someone's birthday that's a good way to tie us all down to a definite date.

I can only think of 2 occasions where someone has paid for everyone.  One was my friend's 21st, when her parents paid for everyone, rather than have a party at home, and the second was my SIL's 50th birthday a few years ago. 

[cocacola35]

I don't mind paying for my own bill (and a portion of the guest of honor's) at get-to-gethers such as these. In fact, I prefer it, and I think this is the norm anymore.  Dining out at a restaurant is a casual celebration, not a fancy party. It is about celebrating and spending time with the guest of honor, not getting a free meal. If initiating a dinner out to honor a friend or family member meant I had to pay for everyone who shows up, there would be alot less celebrating, simply because most people cannot afford to do so. "$200-$400 out of our monthly budget would be a hardship for us, but $40 is manageable. While I acknowledge that a host/hostess is supposed to treat their guests, I do not agree that a birthday/etc dinner in a restaurant necessarily falls under that rule.

This is how it has always been done around my neck of the woods too and I've never thought twice about it.  Every once in awhile if someone is hosting a special, fancy event where a room is reserved and the menu is pre-planned, then the host will pay for the dinners while the guest may be expected to pay for their own alcoholic drinks.  Whenever we or our friends get invited out to eat for just a casual get-together, almost 80% of the time you are expected to pay your own way.  BF and I wouldn't be able to afford to spend time with our friends if we were expected to always pick up the tab for everyone we invited out.  The whole point of eating together at a restuaurant for us is an excuse to spend time together and socialize, not play host and hostess.  

[Sandi Papaya]

You know - I am generally fine with paying my own way and part of the honoree's meal - if this is what is agreed upon in advance. Or if separate checks/bar tabs/etc are established. Trouble is, with this branch of the family, none of that will happen. And those of us who didn't eat as much or didn't drink as much (or who didn't drink at all) will end up getting stiffed.

In our family, whoever does the inviting does the paying. If we mutually agree on the fly to get lunch or dinner somewhere, it's generally understood we're splitting the tab unless someone happens to consume large amounts of alcoholic drinks, in which case we run the bar tab separately and it becomes that portion of the party's responsibility to pay the bar tab (doesn't happen often - we don't mind if one or two people have a beer or a mixed drink or whatnot, but beyond that - if you're going to drink like a fish, you pay for it!).

But a shindig that you are purporting to "host" at a restaurant isn't being "hosted" by you at all if you're expecting your guests to pay. At least by my family's standards, which is a cultural standard as well.

[Cattaby]

I totally agree with you there MsMoonbunny. If decisions on how the meal is to be paid are made beforehand (and also stuck by!) then everything is fine. And it is extremely unfair that your Cousin June's branch of the family continue to stiff you guys when it comes to dinners and 'hosted' events. Has anyone else in your family noticed/commented on it?

[cranberry]

I agree that if someone is inviting you to a party, they should be picking up the bill.

We now decline any invites from my in laws.  Not only do we have to pay for our meals when they invite us out, we have to pay for everyone else's too.