I just had an interaction that I was very happy with, in part due to ehell'sspine polishing treatment. I just spent a long visit with my parents that was very nice. I'm currently visiting my sister who has a tendency to be quite rude, sometimes saying very hurtful things out of the blue, and who sometimes seems to try to stir up drama between me and our parents.
My sister and I were having a nice time and I mentioned I was going to smoke. My sister responded: "That's another thing mom said, 'Subliminabibble smokes like a chimney.' She said that when she was saying that you're tiring to be around."
Obviously that was hurtful to hear. Did my mother say it? Well, maybe -- I visited for a week -- that's a long time to have any guest and even though I had an amazing time I also had to do a bit of venting about it to my boyfriend, the way I think is normal when any people who usually don't signed much time together do during a long, intensive visit. But rather than get caught up in the drama or let my sister's comment hurt me, I just asked her in a friendly, curious tone:
"What do you hope to accomplish by repeating those things to me? It hurts my feelings to hear them and I don't think mom wanted them repeated."
My sister tried to backpedal, then was silent for a while, and when we started talking again the nasty tone was gone and things were pleasant again. I felt proud if the way I handled what could have been an upsetting or angry conversation!
ETA: Sorry for the typographical errors! My phone is behaving oddly and I can't seem to scroll to them to fix them!