Author Topic: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad  (Read 1955 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Chipmunky

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 97
Got to use this one on my sister over the weekend. Sister lives in CA, I'm in FL (as are my parents). This becomes important as Sister seems to think she knows everything, and her word should be the final one when it comes to our Dad and his health. This may be due to her being a physician (OB/GYN), but Dad is also a physician, and thus the worst kind of patient.

Bit of background- Dad is an insulin dependent diabetic, and has been for the better part of 9 years. He's been very bad in the past about monitoring his sugars and carb intake. He's also a combat disabled Marine Corps veteran, and food is one of the few things he can still physically enjoy. He has kidney damage between the diabetes and his long term hypertension (also had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery 6 years ago- nothing can beat a Marine!) Last month, Dad was diagnosed with a lower sigmoid colon/rectal cancer. He's now on chemo and radiation prior to surgery in the start of the new year. His doctors have discussed it, and as long as he monitors his blood sugar and insulin, he can eat whatever the heck he wants- right now, it's very important for him to be getting plenty of calories; the cancer is eating a bunch of them anyways.

Due to his diabetes, he hadn't been allowed his favorite, from scratch chocolate chip cookies for some time. I am making some to take to him over Thanksgiving. This is where the conversation comes in between my sister and myself.

Me: I'm making some cookies for Dad to enjoy. He's really looking forward to them.

Sister: But the diabetes! He shouldn't have ANY sweet stuff!

Me: Well normally, yes, but the doctors conferred, and he can have them this year.

Sister: But they are bad for his blood sugar, I can't believe you're giving him junk food like that!

Me: Well he's going to be good and not eat the whole batch in one go, sister! He can have them as long as he's monitoring carefully.

Sister: Well he's never monitored in the past! You're not helping him by giving him cookies! You might make his health worse, and then he'll have problems in and after surgery! I can't believe you're so selfish to make him things you know he's not supposed to have!

Me: Well that's an interesting assumption...I'm trying to kill Dad via cookies....

Sister: Well it's not good for him to have that with his diabetes!

Me: Well, Sister, the doctors have okayed it, so I'll rely on their expertise considering they are the ones examining and treating him directly....and honestly, isn't his diabetes a little further down on the "list of things to be concerned about" with regards to Dad's health at the moment? I mean, he is fighting cancer....

Sister: incoherent mumbling


Sister is bringing nieces to FL to see their Pop Pop in December....I might have to make some more when I come over to see them, so Pop Pop can share cookies with his granddaughters. Sister's head might explode, but hey, it's a week before Christmas, it's one cookie each, and Pop Pop is supposed to spoil his granddaughters.  >:D

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8371
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2014, 02:58:02 PM »
My middle sister is very similar to your sister. She has quite a bit of knowledge about health and related issues such as diet, but she is very much her way or the highway. With one or two chronic health conditions, I understand the importance of a strict diet/lifestyle. But with cancer? And something the person can still enjoy? I don't understand the mindset that only one way works.

Hugs and prayers for your father and family.

MrTango

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2473
Re: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2014, 03:59:47 PM »
My response would be "His doctors, who have access to his medical history & lab results, and who have recently examined him, have indicated that it is okay."

(i.e. without directly saying it, which I've been told is rude, I'd remind her that she is not his doctor, even if she is a doctor.)

I would also refuse to engage or comment any further in the conversation.  Any further messages/comments from her on the topic would be deleted without response.

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6225
Re: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2014, 04:56:22 PM »
My response would be "His doctors, who have access to his medical history & lab results, and who have recently examined him, have indicated that it is okay."

(i.e. without directly saying it, which I've been told is rude, I'd remind her that she is not his doctor, even if she is a doctor.)

I would also refuse to engage or comment any further in the conversation. Any further messages/comments from her on the topic would be deleted without response.

Exactly.

I probably wouldn't have mentioned it at all, but it sounds like the whole family chats a lot, so it would come out anyway. "Guess what Chipmunky did for me!" Now it's done! I do hate the "don't tell so-and-so" thing that goes on in Lucas's family a lot.

JeanLouiseFinch

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 1
Re: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2014, 09:54:51 PM »
"Sister: But the diabetes! He shouldn't have ANY sweet stuff!"
When I read that, I was truly horrified. I am an insulin dependent diabetic and I take sweet stuff everywhere with me, so that when (not if), my blood sugar gets too low, I have something I can eat to bring me back. I hate to say this, but your sister, for a doctor, has no clue about diabetics and how to manage type 1 diabetes.

Please, please be sure that she does NOT go through his house removing caches of candy. He definitely needs these and needs to know exactly where they are without him needing to think about it. When one's sugar is really low, it is sometimes difficult to think at all. It's more like being in a trance or sleepwalking. If he has cancer of anything internal and digestive, his capacity to absorb sugar will certainly fluctuate. During this time, I would expect his doctors to keep his blood sugar on the high side, particularly since he lives alone, and there is nobody to pull him out of a really bad low, so if she is insisting on restrictions in his diet, she should speak to his doctors herself. You might want to remind her that an adult male diabetic's blood sugar control does not need to be as tight as a pregnant woman's, who must maintain a BGS level of 60-100. By contrast, normal BGS in adults is 80-120 and a few trips up to 180-200 are not terrible. 

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3260
Re: What an interesting assumption...because of course, I'm trying to kill Dad
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2014, 03:47:33 PM »
Chipmunky, I have been type I diabetic for 48 of my 49 years.  I'm not perfect, but I do pretty well.  Your sister needs to butt out!  She may be a physician, but she is not his physician.

The endocrinologist I've seen since I was 15 always told me that I need to use my own judgment on what I eat.  I will pay for it by how I feel if I do badly.  He's also fond of telling me "I don't want to know what you do on holidays or vacations.  It's a special occasion and a little overindulgence won't hurt you.".

Best of luck to your dad in his treatment.  Make the cookies.