General Etiquette > Life...in general

EXCUSE ME???

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madmusician:
A couple months ago, Boyfriend and I were invited to his cousin Lindsey's Sweet 16 party. It was at a VERY nice restaurant, and I was actually quite pleased and honored to have been invited.

We had a lovely meal and were encouraged to "get whatever you want!!!" We all had a really nice time. Then the waiter came with the bill and haded it to Lindsey's mom. "Oh, no," she says loudly. "Please split it up. Everyone's paying for themselves."

Excuse me???

We are college kids; we can't afford that kind of meal. We were absolutely shocked, floored, and PANICKED! Luckily, I had my "for emergencies" credit card with me.

For the record, all the other "guests", if they can now be called such, were adult relatives--grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc--plus Lindsey's boyfriend and his parents.

Should I have expected to pay for myself? Because really, I wouldn't have gone if I had known I would be paying for myself. There was no way I could afford that! Also, should they have let us know beforehand that we were to pay for ourselves?

guihong:
The correct thing to do when you invite someone to a party at a restaurant is to pick up the tab yourself.  Unfortunately (see the "who's hosting this shindig? thread), that doesn't always happen.  It's always a good idea to be prepared to pay your own way.

gui

sammycat:
For a "Sweet 16" party, I'd have expected the girl's parents to have paid, particularly when you were all encouraged to 'get whatever you want'.

If they weren't paying they should have made that clear when they issued the invitation. Is it possible when the invitation was issued that it was the intention for the hosts to pay, but once the bill arrived and it was a lot higher than they expected they changed their minds? 

When I go out for a birthday/celebration meal with family or friends I generally expect to pay my own way.  The exception would be something like a Sweet 16, 21st, engagement or wedding.  How was the invitation worded?

madmusician:
It was verbal. "Lindsey's finally turning 16! We're having a family party at X Restaurant, we'd love for you and BF to come!" etc.

FoxPaws:

--- Quote from: sammycat on January 14, 2007, 12:38:35 AM ---For a "Sweet 16" party, I'd have expected the girl's parents to have paid, particularly when you were all encouraged to 'get whatever you want'.

If they weren't paying they should have made that clear when they issued the invitation. Is it possible when the invitation was issued that it was the intention for the hosts to pay, but once the bill arrived and it was a lot higher than they expected they changed their minds? 

--- End quote ---

This was my thought, too. An alarming number of people cannot "guesstimate" a total based on individual prices. They also forget to consider things like drinks, dessert, tax, gratuity, etc. so that by the time the bill comes, it's nearly double what they budgeted for.

ETA: This in no way excuses going "sudden Dutch" on their guests.

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