General Etiquette > Family and Children

Visiting an ill family member

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Fluffy_Brit_Bunny:
My uncle, whom I rarely see, is terminally ill and I plan to visit him next weekend. I recently became engaged and my sister thinks I should take my fiance with me since 'it's the only chance he'll have to meet our uncle'. Apparently my aunt and uncle are expecting him to come as well.

I've never suggested this, and I thought it would be easier if it was just me going. My fiance always works variable hours at weekends (playing for weddings and church services) as well, so I have no idea if he can come with me (we don't live together - about sixty miles apart).

This is a difficult situation and I don't want to upset anyone, but I doubt fiance will be able to make it. How should I handle that?

Irish Clovers:
Since they are expecing him, if he can go, then go.  If he has to work, just send his regrets and explain that he had to work.

I'm sorry about your Uncle.   :'(

Fluffy_Brit_Bunny:
Thanks. I just find it hard to explain to people that my fiance can't take time off at short notice. He doesn't have an assistant and it's either him playing for a service or couple getting married - or no-one.

My uncle kept his condition to himself for ages so it's been a shock. Thank you for your kind wishes.

nutraxfornerves:
Ah, that's a difficult situation, isn't it?

Can you bring a photo of your fiancé? And then say somethig along the lines of:
Unlce Bill, did you hear that Adam and I are engaged? He did so want to some and meet you, after I told him you were such a nice person, but. alas, he is a musician and you know the kinds of hours they keep--he's working this weekend and couldn't come with me, as much as he wanted to. This is what he looks like. he is [your description of a wonderful person] and I do hope we can arange for you to meet him.

Of course, you'd do this in your own words, but the idea is that your fiancé wants so much to meet your uncle and was devastated that he couldn't come with you and that you are optimisitc that Uncle and Fiancé will be able to meet one of these days. You don't have to say anything silly like "I'm sure you'll be well and able to come to our wedding."  Just say enough so that you (and Uncle) have the comfort of knowing that Uncle knows you have found Mr. Right and are very happy.

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