Heart Rape - Has anyone else heard of this?

[Dragonflymom]

Guess what?  I'm going to move on for the following reasons:

• She has consistently ignored my advice about everything, including stuff not related to this situation
• She has no self-respect
• She refuses to grow up

Swearing to whoever, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to Aunt Pittypat.

That sounds like the best decision you could make.  Sharing her email with her boyfriend, and then his reply with you, is bordering on outright hostile to you.  You've tried to help, and done what you could.  And you don't need that kind of treatment from her.

[Venus193]

Thanks, and if she calls I will be some level of direct with her.

[Texas Mom]

Guess what?  I'm going to move on for the following reasons:

• She has consistently ignored my advice about everything, including stuff not related to this situation
• She has no self-respect
• She refuses to grow up

Swearing to whoever, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to Aunt Pittypat.

That's all you can do.

You warned her, she ignored (and belittled) your warning.

[Twik]

My love for you is trying hard to be unconditional---I don't even think you could kill it now.

Oh, good lord. Why doesn't she just come right out and say "I'm perfectly willing to be abused, and to let you walk all over me. I don't expect any decent treatment from you, so just go right ahead and treat me like dirt, because I'm getting such a rush from being IN LURVE that the worse you treat me the more I see myself as a romantic heroine who stands by her man."

[Venus193]

You don't know the half of it.

A few weeks ago she was telling me about how he became estranged from the rest of his family (Apparently he always had issues with his father).  His story:  He and his wife and daughter (who is college-age now) had to leave California because it had gotten too expensive to live there.  His sister had an unoccupied house that had been on the market for a little while during a housing slump and she suggested that they live there until they could get on their feet financially and until  she could sell it.  They trekked over to New Jersey and moved in.  They were there for about five months when the sister showed up suddenly and threw them out on the spot.  

This coincided with my friend's wasband leaving her.  She said that had she known he was in NJ she would have invited them to move in with her (It was a 3-bedroom house).  I asked her whether she had even thought how that would have felt to see him married after losing her husband and considering how upset she was at the time.  She confessed that this would probably not have been smart.  In another conversation she was telling me about how he was recovering from an accident at work and didn't have the cash to come up to New York and that she would have paid for his trip had she had the cash.

I was grateful beyond imagining that she couldn't see my face when she told me that.

I just remembered a movie poster that exemplifies her attitude:  The Sterile Cuckoo

[caption under snapshot photo]:  I'm 19.  I want to be loved.  Hurt me!

[Clara Bow]

She actually accused me of gloating the last time she saw a red flag, but I didn't.

As I typed the above line I thought about how tempted I am to reply to him with her on an open cc saying "She doesn't have to relay this since you obviously told me yourself."

This man is a cad and he's stringing her along, but she is so good at deluding herself.

Get the marshmellows and the roasting sticks. I have a bad feeling that this one is going down in flames.

[Venus193]

I've already predicted this but it hasn't happened yet.

[Venus193]

UPDATE:

My college buddy smelled a lot of dead fish on this one.  His opinion, based on the history of this situation, is that she was trying to manipulate this guy into getting off his butt and getting over to NY and that she was was bcc'd as a manipulation from the guy.  Opinion subject to revision upon reading the original article, but we shall see.

I am considering taking the offensive and calling her.  Giving up on a 20-year friendship isn't the easiest thing to do and I may not have anything to lose at this point.  I will be thinking about this as I pack today's Halloween care package to the troops.

[Venus193]

UPDATE:

I called her an hour ago and asked why she forwarded my e-mail.  I explained that forwarding my e-mail with my e-mail address in it was rude and incorrect.  Her reaction indicated that she was either totally clueless or completely unrepentant of committing an electronic faux pas.  She said that when she read the article and recognized some of his behaviors in it (ones from the period of their relationship) she wanted to see if he recognized himself in it. Sit down for the next part:

He claims he "hit the wrong button" and sent the response to me in error.  This is a complete crock, as we know that hitting "reply" or "reply all" on a forwarded message sends the reply only to the person who forwarded the message and anyone else they forwarded it to.  She also said he claimed to be sorry. 

I am so not buying this and I said so.  I told her that the response was clearly meant for me as there was no way this could be an accident.  Admittedly, I could have been more explicit and should have read it back to her word for word.  I asked about the other friend and speculated about whether something like this happened with her; her response was that Jean is computerphobic, doesn't own one, doesn't want one, and doesn't even have a free e-mail account.  The silence is broken; apparently Jean called day before yesterday and has changed her mind about this.  Yeah; right.

She asked me if I was going to write back to him.  I told her I wasn't taking the bait and I wasn't going to get involved.

The capper is that he sent her a ring.  Sterling silver with a garnet (her birthstone).  And a big heaping hunk of hooey story about a female jewelry designer who gave it to him three years ago after (he said) identifying him astrologically and telling him that someday there would be a woman he would give this ring to.  I'll spare you the details (which I will probably forget by tomorrow) but suffice it to say that I told her that this was a clever story.  She said that lots of people back in the day tried to tell her that she shouldn't be involved with him, and I responded that if so many different people said this, there had to be a valid reason.

I finished by telling her I never want to hear another word about this guy ever again.  I almost wish I hadn't as this leaves him with a completely clear field to kill her heart all over again.  Having said that, it probably doesn't matter because she doesn't take any of my advice anyway.