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  • April 29, 2016, 08:56:32 PM

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Author Topic: Sigh. Only thought of it later...  (Read 879 times)

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Giraffe, Esq

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Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« on: April 27, 2016, 11:21:45 AM »
I was at a fundraising banquet thing last night.  During the cocktail hour at the beginning, I had chatted with some people, then got a drink and settled at my table.  But then nobody from my group was there, so I turned around and was scanning the room to see if any were close enough to go mingle or if I should stay anti-social by my lonesome.

Some woman came up and said I looked lonely and then sat down to chat.  All fine.  This is a fundraiser for a Cause, we're all on the same page with regard to Cause, it's perfectly fine to introduce yourself to random people at these events.

So she sits down next to me and says, "So why are you in a wheelchair?"

Gobsmacked, I managed to laugh a little and say, "That's your first question?"

She said something in response (don't remember precisely what) and then, "Is it temporary or permanent?"

As I'm thinking, "How is this any of your business?!?!?!" I spluttered something awkward and only afterwards realized.

It was the perfect time to say, "How kind of you to take an interest.  So how are you connected with Event Host?"

Would've been this one and beandip!

Oh, well.  Maybe kicking myself will help me remember for the future.  :P

(But seriously!  Why do people think it's okay to go up to strangers and ask them invasive personal questions?  Why?!?)

ladyknight1

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #1 on: April 27, 2016, 11:25:23 AM »
Is having some visible mobility aid an invitation to ask people extremely personal questions? It seems like many think so. Rude, rude, rude.

I'm sorry this happened.

*I get questions and looks when I use my hiking stick for stability, occasionally pitying stares.  ::)
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Nikko-chan

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #2 on: April 27, 2016, 11:27:21 AM »
Really? What even.... see and here I think I am awkward because the first words I would say after I sat down (after the initial "may I sit here") would probably be some awkward " I like your dress" or some such....

lilfox

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #3 on: April 27, 2016, 05:20:36 PM »
I was at a fundraising banquet thing last night.  During the cocktail hour at the beginning, I had chatted with some people, then got a drink and settled at my table.  But then nobody from my group was there, so I turned around and was scanning the room to see if any were close enough to go mingle or if I should stay anti-social by my lonesome.

Some woman came up and said I looked lonely and then sat down to chat.  All fine.  This is a fundraiser for a Cause, we're all on the same page with regard to Cause, it's perfectly fine to introduce yourself to random people at these events.

<snip>

For me, that would have put me off even before she got more intrusive.  When going up to a stranger during a shared social event, a simple introduction and request to join you is sufficient.  There's no need to approach someone with a phrase that implies you're doing them a favor by speaking to them.  Followed so closely by her next few questions, I probably would have been put off enough to excuse myself altogether on whatever pretense I could think of.

EllenS

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #4 on: April 27, 2016, 05:36:53 PM »
Really? What even.... see and here I think I am awkward because the first words I would say after I sat down (after the initial "may I sit here") would probably be some awkward " I like your dress" or some such....

Yes, indeed. One of the reasons I love reading Ehell is because many of the stories make me feel like a freaking social Ninja.

Who even does that?

greencat

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2016, 08:52:18 PM »
It is perfectly polite, when confronted by a boor at a party, to suddenly see someone on the other side of the room with whom you want to socialize, and disengage from the boor.  "Excuse me, I see a friend of mine over there.  I'll see you later."  Even if there isn't anyone, at least aim towards the snacks or the restroom to give yourself a target!  You will most certainly see the boor later, since you will be watching for them to approach and then making yourself scarce!


Team HoundMom

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #6 on: Yesterday at 10:25:30 AM »
I'd probably make up a different reason every time.  "Cliff diving off Gibraltar."  "Hit a wall while race car driving."  etc.

Like a girl I once knew who was missing a hand.  She was buying something in my store one time and another customer goes "Oh my God how did you lose your hand?!"  Katie goes "Hmm? Oh, meat grinder accident."  When the customer left I said "Was it really a meat grinder accident or do you make up a different reason every time someone asks?"  She goes "No it really was a meat grinder accident, but oh yeah I mess with people all the time.  I'll be like 'shark attack'.  That lady caught me off guard."  Lol.

lakey

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #7 on: Yesterday at 03:38:14 PM »
Quote
(But seriously!  Why do people think it's okay to go up to strangers and ask them invasive personal questions?  Why?!?)

I don't know. When I was growing up, we were taught that you don't ask people personal questions. Some people seem to think that they have a right to know information that is none of their business. If people want to talk about their personal life, they will bring the subject up themselves. When we were kids, we were told, "MYOB", mind your own business. When someone crosses a line with a question, we sometimes get caught off guard and make some response. I think that if you don't come up with a line like, "So kind of you to take an interest," a look of surprise, can serve the same purpose.

Mustard

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #8 on: Yesterday at 04:34:09 PM »
I'd probably make up a different reason every time.  "Cliff diving off Gibraltar."  "Hit a wall while race car driving."  etc.

Like a girl I once knew who was missing a hand.  She was buying something in my store one time and another customer goes "Oh my God how did you lose your hand?!"  Katie goes "Hmm? Oh, meat grinder accident."  When the customer left I said "Was it really a meat grinder accident or do you make up a different reason every time someone asks?"  She goes "No it really was a meat grinder accident, but oh yeah I mess with people all the time.  I'll be like 'shark attack'.  That lady caught me off guard."  Lol.

Or the girl at my school who had had a leg amputated.  When someone asked how she 'lost' her leg, she replied 'oh no, not again!' and started looking around, as if searching for it. 

EllenS

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #9 on: Yesterday at 04:41:19 PM »
I'd probably make up a different reason every time.  "Cliff diving off Gibraltar."  "Hit a wall while race car driving."  etc.

Like a girl I once knew who was missing a hand.  She was buying something in my store one time and another customer goes "Oh my God how did you lose your hand?!"  Katie goes "Hmm? Oh, meat grinder accident."  When the customer left I said "Was it really a meat grinder accident or do you make up a different reason every time someone asks?"  She goes "No it really was a meat grinder accident, but oh yeah I mess with people all the time.  I'll be like 'shark attack'.  That lady caught me off guard."  Lol.

Or the girl at my school who had had a leg amputated.  When someone asked how she 'lost' her leg, she replied 'oh no, not again!' and started looking around, as if searching for it.

*spit take*

Giraffe, Esq

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #10 on: Today at 11:38:25 AM »
Is having some visible mobility aid an invitation to ask people extremely personal questions? It seems like many think so. Rude, rude, rude.

It seems like it!  I would also like to note that Cause is not related to disability awareness, access, accommodations, etc.  I could see, in that type of situation, it possibly being more acceptable to bluntly ask people about their disabilities. 

Really? What even.... see and here I think I am awkward because the first words I would say after I sat down (after the initial "may I sit here") would probably be some awkward " I like your dress" or some such....

Interestingly, at another dinner a few months ago (for same Cause...maybe it's people involved in Cause?!?!?), someone told me I looked "lovely in your dress and chair.  Why are you in a wheelchair?"  So she did both.  :p

I was at a fundraising banquet thing last night.  During the cocktail hour at the beginning, I had chatted with some people, then got a drink and settled at my table.  But then nobody from my group was there, so I turned around and was scanning the room to see if any were close enough to go mingle or if I should stay anti-social by my lonesome.

Some woman came up and said I looked lonely and then sat down to chat.  All fine.  This is a fundraiser for a Cause, we're all on the same page with regard to Cause, it's perfectly fine to introduce yourself to random people at these events.

<snip>

For me, that would have put me off even before she got more intrusive.  When going up to a stranger during a shared social event, a simple introduction and request to join you is sufficient.  There's no need to approach someone with a phrase that implies you're doing them a favor by speaking to them.  Followed so closely by her next few questions, I probably would have been put off enough to excuse myself altogether on whatever pretense I could think of.

Interesting.  I totally see your point, but that part honestly didn't bother me.  It's possible she was smoother with the comment than I was able to portray?  I don't remember precisely what she said.  I also hate social mingling and approaching people, so I am almost always relieved when anyone else takes the first step.

It is perfectly polite, when confronted by a boor at a party, to suddenly see someone on the other side of the room with whom you want to socialize, and disengage from the boor.  "Excuse me, I see a friend of mine over there.  I'll see you later."  Even if there isn't anyone, at least aim towards the snacks or the restroom to give yourself a target!  You will most certainly see the boor later, since you will be watching for them to approach and then making yourself scarce!

LOL at the last bit!  I do need to remind myself of this, as I always feel rude extricating myself like that, even though objectively I know it isn't.  However, in practical terms, this is harder to do (a) in a wheelchair, (b) in a dress, and (c) with a drink.  And I had been scanning the room when she approached and already made a comment about trying to see if any of "my people" were here and whether it was worth making my way to them. 

I'd probably make up a different reason every time.  "Cliff diving off Gibraltar."  "Hit a wall while race car driving."  etc.

Like a girl I once knew who was missing a hand.  She was buying something in my store one time and another customer goes "Oh my God how did you lose your hand?!"  Katie goes "Hmm? Oh, meat grinder accident."  When the customer left I said "Was it really a meat grinder accident or do you make up a different reason every time someone asks?"  She goes "No it really was a meat grinder accident, but oh yeah I mess with people all the time.  I'll be like 'shark attack'.  That lady caught me off guard."  Lol.

I really do need to have a list of random reasons on hand to give.  I love the idea of ones that make no sense at all -- like, for a missing hand, shark attack makes sense.  For fully intact legs and arms, a wheelchair?  Not so much. ;)  And I might totally steal her meat-grinder incident. 

Or the girl at my school who had had a leg amputated.  When someone asked how she 'lost' her leg, she replied 'oh no, not again!' and started looking around, as if searching for it. 

ROTFL  I love it!

Other snarky responses I've thought of later:

"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"Oh, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"I'm always looking for unique accessories and I thought it went particularly well with this dress!"

"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"I had a tragic encounter with a garbage disposal."  {Shakes head sadly}

Sadly, I'm still always too caught off guard to remember any of them in the moment.  Oh, well, now I'll be on the lookout so I can try one...which means it won't happen again for a while.   >:D

jedikaiti

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #11 on: Today at 12:47:02 PM »
"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"Because wheel-less chairs are much harder to move around."
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Giraffe, Esq

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #12 on: Today at 01:38:18 PM »
"Why are you in a wheelchair?"
"Because wheel-less chairs are much harder to move around."

<snork>  I love it!

Morticia

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #13 on: Today at 03:03:58 PM »
I wonder if you could shut that down by telling nosey persons that it was an "Unfortunate Sex Accident."
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
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KenveeB

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Re: Sigh. Only thought of it later...
« Reply #14 on: Today at 06:14:40 PM »
I wonder if you could shut that down by telling nosey persons that it was an "Unfortunate Sex Accident."

My mom had neck surgery and was in a neck brace for a while. She and Dad loved telling people who asked why, "Headboard."