General Etiquette > Family and Children

So, She's Been Gone For Years, But This Still Bothers Me--Was I at Fault?

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Yarnspinner:
The thread about interrupting neighbors while they are watching their favorite TV program brought to mind my ex-sister-in-law.  We'll call her Suzie, because my mean nickname for her was Suzie Psychopath.

This is really a question of "Did I bring on my own problems?" 

Suzie and her sisters used to get together and go places--but never invited me.  This did not bother me at all since I figured THEY were sisters.  THEY deserved some private time. I certainly didn't need to be included in every thing they did.

However, Suzie always felt I was snubbing her if I didn't invite her along when I was off with my friends.

Two cases in point:

a) My Mom had just died.  (Among Suzie's comforting comments "Well, now I can serve Easter dinner the way I want to.")  I'd been staying with my father at his in-law apartment (connected to the house my brother and Suzie owned.)  It had been about two weeks and I was gearing up for another week before I went back to work (I live about an hour and a half away).  Two of my friends decided to cheer me up by taking me with them to a special event in Boston. I was kind of pleased to be spending time alone with my buddies since Suzie had been driving me crazy for two weeks.  Inspite of my sadness, I was looking forward to seeing my friends and being away from the family for a day.

Suzie  had chewed my brother and father out all that day, telling them  how rude it was for me not to invite her along.  "Even if I didn't want to go, it would have been nice to be asked!"

b) Suzie often mocked my family's practice of taking flowers to family graves on Memorial Day and other special occasions.  "There's no one in there," she would say "just rotting flesh and bones.  It's morbid and gross to keep going."

BUUUUTTTTTTTT............I came home one weekend so Dad wouldn't be driving around alone to the various gravesites spread out over two states.  When we got home, Suzie tore into us for not inviting her.  "You never include me in anything!"  "But you said you HATE going to grave sites," we protested.  "Well, it would still be nice to be asked!  You never ask me to go anywhere with you!"

From that time on, if my friends were visiting me at their home, if we were going out for a bite to eat, even if I was just running down to the corner store, I would make a big show of asking her if she would like to go.  She always said no.  And sometimes she even complained that I asked her.

Is it any wonder I was singing "that" song from The Wizard of Oz when she and my brother announced their divorce?

So was I being rude by not inviting her?  I don't see how something my friends planned for just US could be stretched to include her and after that big presentation on how gross cemeteries were, I didn't see a point in asking.  But even my brother said "You really never do ask her to do anything with you and your friends," I thought maybe I was wrong.  (Of course, brother was ignoring the fact that I had invited her to my home on numerous occasions for various hen parties and adventures with my buds and she always declined because they weren't her cup of tea. That's a whole 'nother story.)

Thanks for listening.  This has been chewing at me for almost four years now.

Gileswench:
It's time to stop chewing: Suzie was a headcase.

She mostly seems to have wanted to find something to complain about regarding you. That leaves you in a position of darned if you do, darned if you don't.

You're well rid of this vile person.

IndianInlaw:
Would it have been fair to your friends to invite a psycho to events they were taking you to?  Especially someone you didn't like?

Chocolate Cake:
Suzie Psychopath was a good nickname for her.    She was/is a nutcase and you shouldn't at all feel responsible for anything regarding her.  She was a manipulator and a drama queen and I hope you enjoy not having her in your life any longer.

Crazy TKD_girl:

--- Quote from: LilySuch on January 15, 2007, 01:13:58 PM ---b) Suzie often mocked my family's practice of taking flowers to family graves on Memorial Day and other special occasions.  "There's no one in there," she would say "just rotting flesh and bones.  It's morbid and gross to keep going."

--- End quote ---

Taking flowers to grave of your loved ones is not morbid. I always thought you did it out of love & respect. My mom & aunt take flowers to my grandma's grave a few times a year.
What in hades is her problem anyway? Besides, if it gives people comfort, why should anyone else care?
Good thing I don't know her--If she said that to me, I probably would have punched her.

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