Making clear a "no host" event

[Chocolate Cake]

Thanks, everyone, for taking time to comment on this issue.   I'm going to file this experience under "Lesson Learned" and be so clear and upfront in the future about splitting the cost of the honoree's meal that my friends will probably start referring to me as "Mrs. Obvious".  But, darn, they weren't the one that got the shaft this time.   

[Alida]

Being known as Mrs Obvious is going to be much better than being known as "Mrs. Pays-For-Everything"

[sysprog]

Thanks, everyone, for taking time to comment on this issue.   I'm going to file this experience under "Lesson Learned" and be so clear and upfront in the future about splitting the cost of the honoree's meal that my friends will probably start referring to me as "Mrs. Obvious".  But, darn, they weren't the one that got the shaft this time.   

While this may seem to be an awkward situation, I think it would be best to lay down the ground rules in the invitation.

I've coordinated a number of happy hours and birthday lunches.  We have an implied rule among our group at the office that the host/coordinator takes care of the honoree's tab.  To my way of thinking, if I care enough about a friend to offer to do the organizing, then I care enough to sponsor that person's expenses.

The Christmas season is no excuse, though.  A few years ago no less than five of my close friends had a birthday in December.  That one cost me a bit, but it was well worth it.

[minnaloushe]

I know exactly what you're going through. I ended up paying over 50 bucks of the cost of a "no host" luncheon for a departing co-worker (I grabbed the flowers on the way).  Although I was assured I would be paid back, only half the people attending made any effort even after repeated e-mails.  This was also for someone well liked, and the same rules applied as in your office.  So I decided not to organize any more parties until I was good and ready.  It didn't take long for everyone to notice, and so far, I've noticed that no one else steps up anymore either.  The only thing you can do is to offer to take the brithday person out yourself, or ask the usual birthday coordinator if we're "doing anything for Cyndi this year?"

I would ask the other attendees what happened. If they offer to make it right that's great. If not? Cross them off your invite list.

If you did something to offend them, as previously suggested, it was up to the offended parties to make their feelings know, rather than just dump this on you.  What if you were paying cash and couldn't cover the entire bill for the Honoree?