General Etiquette > Life...in general

Anti-social once invited

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weber06:
Hi all,
   I need to know if I'm about to commit an etiquette faux pas.

I have a guy friend whom I haven't seen a lot of lately.  And the people he has been hanging out with need to be hit with the clue by four.  So I asked him two weeks ago to get together this coming Saturday night.  DH will be busy and I can go and hang out.  He lives 40 miles away, so we haven't been able to get together after work.  Told me he might be out of town this past weekend or the one coming up.  He'd let me know.

So we talked today, about doing lunch in the coming weeks on a weekday.  He never mentioned a trip, but he also never responded to my invitation.  Since he hasn't mentioned it can I make plans for this Saturday?  I don't want to be rude, but I also don't want to be sitting home alone.  And I don't want to push it with him because he'll either a) won't know yet if he wants to go out of town or b) he'll tell me he forgot and that he made plans.   

Any advice?  I can ignore my invite, get strung along, or find out I'm so important that I've been forgotten.  And yes this has happened in the past.

TZ:
I'm sorry you're in this situation.  Flaky friends are always difficult to deal with.  Unfortunately, if you aren't willing to confront him to get a definite yes or no, I really don't think you can double book Saturday.  True, it could work out if he flakes on you at the last minute, but you also run the risk of having conflicting plans.  There's really no way to get out of that situation without potentially hurting someone.  You could always say something like, "Gee, Flake, since I still haven't heard from you about Saturday, maybe we can just reschedule for a night/lunch/whatever when you know you'll be free."  He'll probably take the out.

Clara Bow:
Pin him down. Tell him that if he doesn't want to do the lunch thing on Saturday you understand and it's not a problem but you'd like to know so you can make plans to go do something else as you don't want to sit at home and listen to the property.
Is it possible that he's uncomfortable going around with a married woman? Some people are, and around my town there would be much talk (I live in Mayberry). Maybe he's not intentionally being rude (and I know you wouldn't hang out with him if your husband minded. I have many male friends that my husband has no problem with so I know where you're coming from.) Sometimes you just have to spell it out to people.

Dragons 8 Cactus:
Be Blunt - Yes or No

Dragon8

Cattaby:
Make plans with whoever you want to, but mention to them that your other friend might be in town too, and if it's possible, would he be able to join in?

Or better yet, organise a lunch with your buddies, call up flaky friend and issue another invite to that same lunch - that way you'll definitely know if he's free or not.

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