My friend dropping story

[123bees]

I didn't want to hijack the other thread, so here is my story/question.

J was my college roommate.  We were always close even though her laziness/loose morals often bothered me.  I am sure my anal retentiveness got to her as well.  Other than a few normal spats, we were okay.  Eventually she did some things I could not keep my mouth shut about much longer (dating a married guy with kids for one) so we drifted apart but did keep in touch after graduation.  Two weeks from my wedding day (MIL had surgery and I was super stressed), she sends me a message on MySpace.  It says that she couldn't believe that I was going through with the wedding because I could do much better (totally not true!).  I was stunned.  I didn't want a scene at my wedding and was truly afraid she'd cause one.  Since she was already invited I explained the situation to a mutual friend who promised to keep an eye on her at my wedding.  At this time I simply didn't want to think she meant it so I put it out of my mind and our wedding was perfect.

FF a few months and she contacts me out of the blue after mutual friend hints that she should apologize.  She claims that a random person hacked her account and sent the message.  I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but it was too much her style not to be her.  Now I am civil but keep her at a distance.  What would you do?  Would this have been a rare instance where uninviting someone would have been excusable?

[aloe]

I think you did the right thing, not uninviting her but having her watched at the wedding. 
Though you nor I can't know for sure, but her 'account hacked' story sounds very suspicious.  I think she most likely is lying to you.

If she were my friend, I would think seriously about dropping her.
I'm sorry this happened to you.  Things like this are always hard.

[madmusician]

I would say it's probably a lie trying to worm her way back into your life. The next time she contacts you just say something to the effect of "I know we have our differences, and I'd hate for us to part ways, but I'm just so busy I don't know when I'd ever have time for our friendship. Maybe after life settles down..."

[Alida]

Acknowledge the apology and no more.  I fully agree with what someone else said elsewhere... "Forgive, but don't forget."

[dawbs]

I'd likely accept the apology and keep your distance.

Because she *might* be telling the truth...but I think most folks who say they were 'hacked' are lying.

[Lizmo]

It's really easy to lie about things that go on on the internet.  While it is possible for a random person to hack into one's myspace, why would they do it and send you that particular message?  I'm not buying that.  She posted that comment, and she thinks that it was long enough ago that you won't question it or won't care anymore. 

I like the "forgive, don't forget..."  If it happens again in another form, I would lose her. 

[Clara Bow]

Usually when your account is hacked, if the person bothers to fiddle on Myspace before cleaning out your bank account, the messages sent out in your name are vulgar and hateful in the extreme. Designed to destroy friendships or make you look stupid in other words. Her message sounds tame.
I think she said it and is trying to save face since she got called on it. I'd let it go this time, may be she had something on her mind or was feeling witchy that day. But she'd be on her last strike.

[Cattaby]

My gut tells me that she was waiting for you and your DH to break to pull a "I told you so" on you (hence the few months she waited until she contacted you. Honestly, who doesn't notice their account being hacked? Surely you wouldn't have been the only person rude messages were sent out then to?)

I agree with others. Forgive but don't forget. Likely she may be resentful that her 'prediction' didn't come true, and may cause trouble in the future.

[Dragons 8 Cactus]

I'd stay as far away from this fruitloop as posible.

No friend does this - ever.

Dragons8

[MineralDiva]

Sounds like she's just looking to weasel a way back into being close to you again.  Whomever "hijacked" her MySpace account, evidently also made off with her mind as well.  At least the password can be re-set on the computer account.  Unfortunately her brain is apparently in perpetual "tilt" mode.

You're wise to continue to keep your distance.

[Cz. Burrito]

I with the "stay far, far away" crowd on this one. 

[FoxPaws]

You handled the wedding situation perfectly.

I am of the belief that friendships have a shelf life, and this one is definitely past it's prime. It's time to move on. Don't contact her - she sounds too flaky to confront - just be terribly busy whenever she calls you, and let it die a natural death.

Oh, and BTW, "my myspace got hacked" my yoohoo! Moderators!  Ban me now!.  

[aloe]

KewpieDoll72, your comment reminded me of something I overheard while browsing in an antique mall.  One dealer was chatting to another and he said, "You know, most friendships have an expiration date."

I chuckled to myself, and found his comment both amusing, wise, and strangely comforting, considering my struggles dealing with the emotional debris of failed friendships.