Hello, I hope I am posting this in the right section, but I could really use some help in dealing with a situation with a friend of mine, who I'll call N.
For some background, N and I are longtime friends, but because she now lives in Europe and I'm in Canada, we don't see each other often. Instead, most of our communication is through the internet. In September, she paid her first visit to my new home for our wedding. She was our MoH and visited for two weeks before the wedding. While here, she met C, who was one of my DH's groomsmen. They hit it off and had a pretty intense relationship while she was here. When the wedding was over, of course she had to go home, but they called and talked via the internet frequently.
In the meantime, my husband and I were very lucky and conceived a honeymoon baby. I'm now five months pregnant, but we had several problems early in the pregnancy, which required me to be on bedrest for more than a month. N was thrilled to hear about the pregnancy and I asked her to be godmother to our child - something we'd talked about for years.
In November, while I was still on bedrest, N contacted me and told me she was going to be spending Christmas with C, who is finishing another degree in a different province. She asked if she could spend a day or two with us before travelling on to see C because she was unable to get connecting flights. Of course, no problem with that. If there were still problems with my pregnancy, my Dh would drive the two hours to the airport either way and pick her up/bring her back. Thankfully, however, my situation improved and I was back on my feet soon after.
Two weeks before she was scheduled to come, N contacted me and told me she'd broken up with C. Her tickets to Canada weren't refundable, but the flight within Canada to see him was. She asked to stay with us over Christmas. I agreed, although I warned her I would have to work during her visit for four days and she'd be home alone during that time. I also told her that I'm constantly exhausted with the pregnancy and would need to go to bed early. She said she was fine with all that.
When she arrived, though, things were a different story. She moped the entire time she was here. The only time she seemed happy was when my DH played video games with her. I told her to help herself to anything in the fridge while I was at work; when I came home, she'd gone through our deep freeze and eaten most of the cookies my mom had sent us. It's difficult dealing with someone day in and out with a frown on her face. She also complained when I had to go to bed early. I tried staying up and usually ended up falling asleep in my chair.
She's since gone back home. But she's already talking about coming to visit in June when the baby is due. I don't want that - my parents and brother are travelling from another province to meet our baby/help me. My OB tells me I'll need a c-section, so I don't feel I can entertain after having major surgery and while adjusting to a newborn. My family's a different story - I don't have to entertain them, they'll help me. I've tried telling N. this, but she just doesn't seem to get it.
She's also planning to come, naturally, to the baptism, likely in September. That will be happening in my home province, which is about eight hours travel from where we live. We have a hyundai accent and two dogs - fitting us and that baby gear in will be a tight squeeze. I've told her this and suggested that she flies directly to the airport in my home province, but she says it'll be more fun to have a "road trip" with DH, dogs and infant. I don't know how we can fit her in the car physically, but she says she'll ride with our shih tzu on her lap if need be. Leaving the dogs in a kennel isn't an option either. She also says she intends to stay for several weeks in September to visit with me and the baby. I'm not sure how well that will work with the baby's schedule or our finances with me on maternity leave.
How can I politely tell my friend that we can't accommodate her in our vehicle and that a visit when I've just had a baby isn't welcomed? I don't want to hurt her feelings, she's been depressed since breaking things off with C, but I also don't want to be a pushover. Because most of our contact now is via the internet, I don't want to take the risk of whatever I write coming out wrong and hurting her feelings.
I appreciate any help anyone can offer, I'm sorry this ended up being so long!