Help with situation with friend

[snappylt]

I'm remembering how exhausted my wife was feeling after each of our babies were born.  (I was tired, too, but nothing like my wife.)  I'm also remembering how she and I wanted to spend time together with our babies.

I'm thinking you will want to spend time with your husband and new baby then.  Your friend will be in the way.  From the way she has behaved in the past, I predict she will expect you to entertain her when she arrives and she will pout when you are too exhausted to do this.   Why put yourself and your husband through that?  Frankly, in my opinion, your husband and your baby should be more important in your life at that time than your friend.

I suggest that you tell her that you are very sorry, but that your baby and your husband and you will need time together, just the three of you, for ___ months after the baby arrives.  Tell her that you will not be having any house guests during that time.  This is not unreasonable of you.  If she pitches a fit, then maybe she is not much of a friend after all.

[Twik]

She sounds either clueless, or perhaps with a hope that if she clings, she might reconnect with C. I've never had a baby, but the last thing I'd expect would be for a new mother to put up with me hanging around.

As far as visiting for the birth, tell her it just won't be possible. If necessary to tgive a reason, you might say that the doctor has advised against it. If you feel uncomfortable about telling a white lie, ask the doctor what s/he thinks about having a possibly still depressed person with no experience with babies hanging around, probably expecting to you to entertain her. I'm sure you'll get the answer you need (even if it's personal advice rather than medical).

For the road trip, you could try telling her it's a go if she agrees to rent a larger car for the group of you to travel in.

[JoyinVirginia]

  Mention 'doctors orders' - no visitors other than family.  Hopefully she wouldn't be the type to think she is the exception to that.
Are you worried that by not allowing her to come and visit in June and drive up with you in Sepetmber that she will pull out of being the godmother?  I can certainly understand those concerns if you have them, but immediatelty following the birth of your child is one of those few times you are allowed to be selfish and say 'no' your intention to visit does not suit us'.

I like the "doctor's orders" idea. If you do consult a pediatrician prior to birth, I would bet that you would get the advice of limiting visitors first weeks at home.
One other thing: I posted in another thread about the power of yelling. Even if you are normally a very quiet and patient person, the hormones after childbirth and the pain after a c-section may very well make you a bad-tempered and foul-mouthed banshee to everyone except the baby, if you are provoked. Be direct and clear with your friend, say NO loud and clear, and do it soon. You don't need any anxiety from worrying about this.

To add to the c-section trivia: after mine, the anesthesiologist shot some morphine into my epidural before they pulled it. It made me itch like crazy, but REALLY helped the pain! I was up and moving (slowly) the next day without too much trouble at all. I had my gallbladder removed a few years later, and it was EASY and PAINLESS compared to c-section! Honest, I only took Tylenol after that surgery.
Just my two cents, Joy in Virginia 

[J-M]

Thank-you all for your advice - both on the situation with my friend and recovering from the c-section! I was really doubting my instincts - another friend told me I was being unreasonable and that if N wanted to come I should let her.

I'll tell her no re: June now, and deal with September later.

Thanks again