Author Topic: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would  (Read 3679 times)

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Tia2

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #15 on: May 01, 2009, 06:39:52 AM »
  If some one is so crass as to ask for a cold one, tell them when the office cocktail hour starts (after FIL leaves). 

The problem is, I don't think this would be crass.  The OP has said that she and her friends do drink and on a hot afternoon, the answer to 'what can I get you' may well be 'a beer'.  I wouldn't expect alcohol to be out (since a lot of people like it chilled) so the fact there was none visible wouldn't tip off the guest.

Of course, if the OP starts by saying 'we have X, Y or Z' then it would be rude to ask for something else.  The problem is that if this is a casual afternoon party I can see some people bringing alcohol (a six pack or a bottle of wine) to share and since the OP and her husband do drink, this wouldn't even be a thoughtless gift if is wasn't for facts that most of the guests cannot be expected to know.

I think it would be a good idea to warn people the party is dry, not because I think there is any requirement to serve alcohol but simply to avoid difficulties like the above.

TootsNYC

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #16 on: May 01, 2009, 11:14:59 AM »
I don't think you have to warn everybody--just the people that you think would be most likely to expect a beer, or most likely to bring some along as a contribution.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #17 on: May 02, 2009, 01:15:44 PM »
he is joining us for a religious event, which in his mind it would be doubly important not to be drinking alcohol.

Which is kind of ironic when you consider that alcohol is served at the religious event.

snowball's chance

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #18 on: May 02, 2009, 01:39:07 PM »
"Beer drinkers might be the ones who'd think of a beer in the afternoon in a hot backyard. So I agree that it might be nice to alert a select group of people--for one thing, do you have any relatives who'd say, "oh, no beer? No sweat--I'll just go pick some up. That'll be my contribution to the party" without saying anything to you about it?"

This is what I was thinking.  IME, the parties after the first communions are *extremely* casual - folks change out of the formal clothes they were wearing to the service and wear jeans and t-shirts, for instance.  It really isn't a big deal for most circles to serve beer, wine, whatever, at the party, and it's not inappropriate (this is more background for those who haven't attended first communion parties).

That being said, I agree with Toot's suggestion, and definitely avoid any open-ended questions.  "Can I get you something to drink?" or "What would you like to drink?" will probably elict reqeusts for beer.

And in my [differing] experience, those parties are pretty genteel. They take place in a restaurant, with everyone still in their spiffy clothes, or they take place at the church fellowship hall (spiffy clothes--nobody goes home to change) or at the home of the child in question (again--nobody goes home to change).

Most of the First Communions I have been to have been closer to Twinkletoes description.  Everyone who usually had alcohol available at family parties had them for the First Communions, and if they didn't usually serve it, it wasn't there.

M-theory

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #19 on: May 03, 2009, 07:05:09 AM »
I have to agree with everyone who's said that it seems a bit peculiar to expect alcohol at a first Communion celebration. I think you're fine not serving it.

Surianne

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #20 on: May 03, 2009, 11:55:17 AM »
I don't think you have to warn everybody--just the people that you think would be most likely to expect a beer, or most likely to bring some along as a contribution.

Yes, I'd say warn those who might bring some along.  Otherwise, you're fine.

Deetee

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #21 on: May 03, 2009, 01:09:15 PM »
I think it is lovely that you are choosing to honour your FIL this way and create a good memory for him. I have noticed a few comments that suggest you should serve what you wish and not let your FIL dictate things, but this does not sound like something he is dictating, but something you choose to do. It is more important to make your 88 year FIL happy than serve beer, so go ahead. I (who love an afternoon beer) wouldn't say boo.

Whether anyone else will bring or ask is up to your circle. I usually bring wine as a hostess gift and would likely bring it after a first communion (as someone else said, they have wine in the ceremony), but would be just fine if the hostess said "Oh thank-you, we're not serving wine, but we can enjoy this when you come by for dinner next" (or at a later date)

StressedGroom

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #22 on: May 04, 2009, 11:34:03 AM »
I don't think you have to warn everybody--just the people that you think would be most likely to expect a beer, or most likely to bring some along as a contribution.

Yes, I'd say warn those who might bring some along.  Otherwise, you're fine.

POD; you don't have to make an announcement, but warn the people who might decide to help by picking up a six pack or two.

penelope2017

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #23 on: May 04, 2009, 11:39:04 AM »
I have to agree with everyone who's said that it seems a bit peculiar to expect alcohol at a first Communion celebration. I think you're fine not serving it.

Have you ever been to one? Just wondering. I've been to three in the last week and every single one of them, from the backyard bbq to restaurant banquet, has served alcohol. That is just the last week. That doesn't count the numerous ones I've been to in my lifetime, and I've never been to one that didn't serve alcohol. A First Communion is a very festive occasion in our religious, family and social circles. People don't get smashed, but having a beer or wine available is customary and I daresay expected - so I understand the OP's issue.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with NOT having it, but if she is hoping to avoid the very mention of it, or anyone asking for it or bringing it, especially if guests are used to her serving it, I'd be worried if it was me as well.

skye

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2009, 09:31:48 AM »
I have to agree with everyone who's said that it seems a bit peculiar to expect alcohol at a first Communion celebration. I think you're fine not serving it.

Have you ever been to one? Just wondering. I've been to three in the last week and every single one of them, from the backyard bbq to restaurant banquet, has served alcohol. That is just the last week. That doesn't count the numerous ones I've been to in my lifetime, and I've never been to one that didn't serve alcohol. A First Communion is a very festive occasion in our religious, family and social circles. People don't get smashed, but having a beer or wine available is customary and I daresay expected - so I understand the OP's issue.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with NOT having it, but if she is hoping to avoid the very mention of it, or anyone asking for it or bringing it, especially if guests are used to her serving it, I'd be worried if it was me as well.
I'm not the poster you quoted, but I've been to numerous First Communion celebrations and have only seen alcohol served at one, which was a joint First Communion celebration/birthday party for an adult.  Not everyone celebrates in the same way, and among the people I know, alcohol at an event in honor of a child would be really out of place, even if most of the guests are adults.  That doesn't mean it's wrong to serve alcohol, but I wouldn't assume that it's the standard for this type of celebration.

penelope2017

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #25 on: May 06, 2009, 10:06:00 AM »
I have to agree with everyone who's said that it seems a bit peculiar to expect alcohol at a first Communion celebration. I think you're fine not serving it.

Have you ever been to one? Just wondering. I've been to three in the last week and every single one of them, from the backyard bbq to restaurant banquet, has served alcohol. That is just the last week. That doesn't count the numerous ones I've been to in my lifetime, and I've never been to one that didn't serve alcohol. A First Communion is a very festive occasion in our religious, family and social circles. People don't get smashed, but having a beer or wine available is customary and I daresay expected - so I understand the OP's issue.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with NOT having it, but if she is hoping to avoid the very mention of it, or anyone asking for it or bringing it, especially if guests are used to her serving it, I'd be worried if it was me as well.
I'm not the poster you quoted, but I've been to numerous First Communion celebrations and have only seen alcohol served at one, which was a joint First Communion celebration/birthday party for an adult.  Not everyone celebrates in the same way, and among the people I know, alcohol at an event in honor of a child would be really out of place, even if most of the guests are adults.  That doesn't mean it's wrong to serve alcohol, but I wouldn't assume that it's the standard for this type of celebration.

Right - but it sounds like the OP usually does serve alcohol at her events since she is worried about people expecting it. In fact, it sounds like if her in-laws weren't attending, she would be serving it, so it sounds like she celebrates things the way I described. And it sounds like her in-laws would object to alcohol at any event and not just because it is a First Communion. I'm going by her details here.

skye

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #26 on: May 06, 2009, 10:24:30 AM »
I have to agree with everyone who's said that it seems a bit peculiar to expect alcohol at a first Communion celebration. I think you're fine not serving it.

Have you ever been to one? Just wondering. I've been to three in the last week and every single one of them, from the backyard bbq to restaurant banquet, has served alcohol. That is just the last week. That doesn't count the numerous ones I've been to in my lifetime, and I've never been to one that didn't serve alcohol. A First Communion is a very festive occasion in our religious, family and social circles. People don't get smashed, but having a beer or wine available is customary and I daresay expected - so I understand the OP's issue.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with NOT having it, but if she is hoping to avoid the very mention of it, or anyone asking for it or bringing it, especially if guests are used to her serving it, I'd be worried if it was me as well.
I'm not the poster you quoted, but I've been to numerous First Communion celebrations and have only seen alcohol served at one, which was a joint First Communion celebration/birthday party for an adult.  Not everyone celebrates in the same way, and among the people I know, alcohol at an event in honor of a child would be really out of place, even if most of the guests are adults.  That doesn't mean it's wrong to serve alcohol, but I wouldn't assume that it's the standard for this type of celebration.

Right - but it sounds like the OP usually does serve alcohol at her events since she is worried about people expecting it. In fact, it sounds like if her in-laws weren't attending, she would be serving it, so it sounds like she celebrates things the way I described. And it sounds like her in-laws would object to alcohol at any event and not just because it is a First Communion. I'm going by her details here.
I understand that, I was just responding to your statement that serving alcohol at this type of celebration is common and expected.  I just wanted to share that my experiences have been different and that that is where Solumbra's post was probably coming from.  I'm sorry if my reply was inappropriate or misplaced.

Sharnita

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Re: Not serving alcohol, when you usually would
« Reply #27 on: May 07, 2009, 11:13:33 AM »
Count me as another who would not look for booze at a First COmmunion Party.

OP, I thikn it is nice for you to do this and if you feel like people might bring alcohol then i'd give them a head's up.  Otherwise I think that offering them a choice of xy or z should work.  If they ask for beer then simply say, "I'm sorry, we don't have any."

FWIW, my FC was with grape juice because out priest was a recovering alcoholic.