Life is not Junior High

[MerryRaven]

So how come, in every job I have been in you run into people who have mentally never left it.

Anna, needs to take her lunch at a certain time every day.  You relieve her at her post and then she goes and gossips with a co-worker for 10 minutes which is not part of her lunch.  It must be work because she relieves her relief after 40 minutes instead of 30 minutes.  You say, something and it's "Well Karen just doesn't like me and I help her all the time and besides she is having marriage problems and is just cranky."

Or I get from Candace; "Ms Raven, you told Brad he had to do all the year end stats and he just was on the phone all day."  I say I will look into it.  Well Brad got all the stats done plus 2 other projects and was arranging nursing home care for his ailing mother.  He got the jobs done on schedule.  Why would anyone over the age of 5 tattle on someone like that?

I would like to hear other Junior High type stories from others in the work place. 

Do you ever get people kind of acting out and blowing off steam and then other people have to get all upset about it?  I feel like as long as it is not offensive to anyone, the work is getting done and customers are not affected, who cares if someone fills the staff room with balloons for someone's birthday. 

Tattle-taling, back-biting, I want to hear your rants. 

[Rose2Bear]

Well I can say thanks to advice from E-Hell, I avoided being labled as a "tattler" as my previous post discussed. After everyone's sound advice and the realization that my co-worker was really only hurting herself and not me, I avoided commiting a junior high antic. Thanks E-Hell!!  (I sound like an infomercial).

But when I worked at a Grocery store..... Oh my goodness! It was like being in junior high all over again. Everyone from the 16 year old check out girls to the 60 year old ladies in the deli would gossip about eachother. It was so strange, you couldn't do anything in that store with out everyone knowing. And seeing as how I met my BF there I experienced it full on...

At my current job, there is an employee who is in her early 40s but is notoriously junior high-ish. She just CAN'T let things go. I know we all have those moments that get under our skin, but every little thing is like the end of the world for her.  And if she is mad at an employee, she will not confront them but rather talk loudly to another employee when the person she is talking about is standing within earshot. Very immature and awkward for everyone.

OH, and this is the kicker becasue it was a decision by management acting like juveniles - at the grocery store I used to work at they decided to create a program to reward the employees by giving them STAR STICKERS to put on their name tags when they did a good thing.  So grown adults - GRANDMOTHERS EVEN - had to put up with patronizing rewards of gold stickers.

edited becasue for some reason I wrote the phrase "goodness gracious me!" with out even realizing it!

[Gigi]

I worked in the banquet office of a restaurant for a while.  The manager, assistant manager, and all 4 of the other coordinators tended to be drama queens who would wring their hands, moan & groan and generally melt down whenever a problem arose.  When you have a facility with several banquet rooms and a garden area for weddings, and there are simultaneous events going on every day, the opportunities for things to go wrong are abundant.

My style is much more "ok, we have a problem.  What can we do to fix it?"  Having hysterics and rehashing the problem are a waste of time and energy, let's just figure out how to pull it out of the fire.  While they would be in the middle of the office playing ain't-it-awful I'd be in my cubicle trying to solve the problem.  I usually came up with something that would substantially help if not completely fix it.  

When I had a review after 6 months I was told that they felt I was not really a team player and didn't fit in.  I guess to fit in I had to wallow in the drama and not worry that the upset client, hysterical bride, tempremental chefs, feuding waiters, non-delivering florists, drunk dj's, missing limo drivers, damaged wedding cake etc. might be bad for business.

[Clara Bow]

At the chain drugstore I worked for we were knee deep in some kind of gossip nightmare all the time. But one girl, Kira, was the absolute worse. She was an Olympic class hypochondriac who was constantly sick, hurt or ailing in some way. Oh and everything that ever happened to her was worse than anyone had ever had it before. And nothing was TMI...her marital problems, female complaints, bowel woes, EVERYTHING was appropriate in her mind and she couldn't wait to tell you about it.
She was also an enormous backstabber who was in love with our boss, she practically stalked him around the store. And tattle? She set some sort of landspeed record for it. And smug? Oh the days I longed for a nice Louisville Slugger...
The happiest day of my life at that job was the day she left. I could go on for hours about Kira, but suffice it to say she was the PITS!!

[RegionMom]

I am HR mom for a child at school and was on a committee for a special event.  Time went on and I sent out an e-mail asking, "how are plans coming?  Have we decided on abc?  Do we have xyz..."
And I got a response of, "oh, that was done a while ago.  Sorry your teacher missed it.  And btw, so-and-so is in charge, all is well."
I sent an e-mail to all the members explaining that my teacher was new this year and because of a missed-communication from another party, that NONE of her students had a chance to sign-up, and that I had parents askng questions since they knew I was the contact person, what to tell them?
I received an e-mail in turn stating that I was a last-minute complainer, too bad that my child would not get to star in this event, so-and-so was doing a fabulous job, would not change a thing.

Well, something changed because 2 days before the event, 3 children in my teacher's class were given music to learn for performance. 11 children had signed up for various events, but only music was deemed "easy" enough to learn quicky.  Other events required lines and scripts and routines.  I had 2 moms call me crying over this.  Meanwhile, I got sent yet another committee e-mail saying that we all need to get along,  so-and-so's friend has apologized for the missed-sign-up, and no big deal. 

End result--this huge event, incl. food and performances, left with some parents doing the work of 3 or more, and some not doing anything because "it is all under control."
Nevermind that some parents signed up right away and were ignored or given jobs they had difficulty with (i.e. I can send this particular item but cannot be there b/c I have to work...ok, be here at this time...I can't, fine, I will re-arrange with my boss...oh, you also want me to bring ANOTHER food item I did not sign for, that cost more, and you will pay me back AFTER the event?  No, I need the cash NOW)
 others said they would be there to pitch in as needed (set-up, serve, tear-down) and were told to simply go to the "viewing-room" because they had not bothered to sign-up, and thus were not needed. 

Yes. all in all, it went well.  But to have grown women calling me to cry about their child, to have 2 committee members reject apologies and now barely speak to each other, I think it was not so great in the end.

I have compiled notes for next year, everything from breaking up the sign-up sheet, to decorating tips, but I am pretty sure if I turn it in, I will be seen as snarky. 
I cannot serve on this committe next year because my children are now too old. 

My ghast was flabbered over all this mess.  It seemed to me that if So-and-so had simply delegated, and kept ALL the committee members informed, instead of mostly just her carpool buddy, and had weekly reports done instead of one giant sign-up (over 70 items,) then it would have been better.
Oh well.
I may just keep my notes to myself.  I really do not like feeling 13 again! 

[mbbored]

Ahh, my fun coworkers/lab mates.  Lately there is much drama going on, centered around one married couple in the department who feel that they should be the heads of our social group (about 20 people) and run our lives.    After many instances of telling people how to manage moves, decorate their homes, eat properly, and deal with relationships, some of us began to move away.  Then a breaking point was reached.

One couple in the group broke up, and he chose to handle it by stalking her.  She was more than willing to continue socializing with the same large group, and planned to be polite to him and avoid smaller encounters.

Then husband & wife got involved and told former girlfriend she was being mean and she should take back former boyfriend because somebody had to be his girlfriend.  She told them no and to stay out of her personal life.  So married couple decided to force them back together, even after she started dating somebody else.  They'd set up events for "everbody" but only invited former girlfriend & boyfriend.  Now former girlfriend is ignoring all of married couple's invitations. 

So husband & wife inform the rest that we have to pick sides.  We can either be their friends and support former boyfriend (who still stalks and hits on everything on legs) or we can associate with former girlfriend.  Those of us who talk to her and have lunch with her are no longer invited to any activities or events, and are completely ignored in the hallway.

I work with former girlfriend, and share responsibilities with wife.  If I ask wife a question, I'm told thad she saw me talking to "her" this morning, and I can't have it both ways.  I must give wife or "her" the silent treatment. ?

[IndianInlaw]

Where I worked, we had to walk by this one office that had a window that faced the hall.  Our clock was ONE minute slow and she pointed out we were all ONE minute late.

Never mind we also LEFT ONE minute later in the afternoon.

Now I have tattletales that complain that I had a clipboard!

[Yarnspinner]

I was hired the same time as another librarian who believed, implicitly, in the power and "status" conveyed by the words "professional librarian."  She was one of the most obnoxious "professional" librarians any of us had ever met.  She didn't know how to search for books (she was a "media specialist" which apparently meant she didn't have to do reference searches--she just ordered extremely expensive highbrow foreign language films (this was before Video and DVDs) and complained when her selections were not requested by the "lowbrow" staff and clientele.

She was appalled that many of us "professionals" had lunch with the support staff.  "Why would you DO that?" she would gasp in horror.  "They're JUST clericals."  (Yes, and they are more fun than you.)

But, the thing that turned the rest of us into gossips was that she could do a 180 degree turn and become Miss Junior High Gigglebunny.  Where men were concerned. 

She all but stalked one of the new children's librarians simply because he was male.  The fact that he a) was not interested in her because b) he already had a boyfriend was simply lost on her.  She would rhapsodize about him constantly and wail because she knew that one of the tech support staff was also interested in him.  (Neither one of them believed, even when it was pointed out, that he was "like that.")

The funniest ( ) incident took place at a Christmas party that wasn't even work related.  My friend J. who worked at a library in another town had been invited to a party thrown by her friend K who lived up my way.  K was also a friend of Miss Professional Librarian and had invited her and in the interim, told J to invite me and still another (female) friend to the party.  It turned out I couldn't go and neither could second friend, but I happened to mention to Miss Professional Librarian that we had been asked. 

Miss Professional Librarian turned all shades of pink with anger and snarled "I hope you both had the decency to say NO!  This is going to be a mixed party and if YOU and YOUR friend attend, there won't be enough men to go around!"  WHAT??  I was tempted to cancel the other plans I had and go to the party after all--but I didn't.

Instead, I asked J about the party and how it went with Miss Professional Librarian.  J only shook her head.  "I don't know what men she was hoping to meet," J said "I knew most of the guys there and all of them are either married or g*a*y.  She had one poor guy trapped on the couch and every time he got up to talk to his male partner, she followed.  It was really sad."

Miss Professional Librarian quit a couple of years later and took a job elsewhere where, it turns out, she was fired because she had written her resume to make it look as if she had been running several of the departments at our library--which she had not.  When last heard from, she was working for her father as a kind of article morgue archivist.  Sad.

[Oxymoroness]

So how come, in every job I have been in you run into people who have mentally never left it.

.... I would like to hear other Junior High type stories from others in the work place. 

Do you ever get people kind of acting out and blowing off steam and then other people have to get all upset about it?  I feel like as long as it is not offensive to anyone, the work is getting done and customers are not affected, who cares if someone fills the staff room with balloons for someone's birthday. 

Tattle-taling, back-biting, I want to hear your rants. 

How much time do you have? Seriously, when my life calms down a little I may have to start a few posts of my own. Here's a taste:

Yesterday I make an emergency run to the bathroom to be sick. I've been queesy for a while but rarely do I feel the need to visit the porcelin throne. In the bathroom is my co-worker, Princess kvetching to another co-worker about her boyfriend and how he and everyone else is constantly ruining her life. (My personal opinion is that she does a pretty good job of it all by herself. She doesn't need anyone's help in that department.)

I eventually figure out that I'm not going to hurl like I thought I would so I make my way out of the stall. Princess gives me the evil eye, obviously ticked that I heard her every (loud) word.

(Keep in mind that the aisles in my particular cubicle farm are a little on the tight side.) I spot her coming out of the bathroom just as I am about to open a cabinet drawer. So I wait for her to pass, watching her progress. As she passes she hisses to me "Don't stare at me!" goes to her work station grabs her stuff and leaves for the rest of the day (2.5-3 hours early).

[Lexophile]

I had a supervisor who insisted that the only reason we had team meetings was to (and I quote), "Help each other through our woes in life so that they don't affect our work."

We all then were forced to spend the next two hours listening to our receptionist whine about her job, her kids, and her mother. I tried giving advice once so that Ilooked like I was "helping" and I could just go back to work, but receptionist then complained to supervisor that I was trying to tell her how to live her life.

Man, I was glad to leave that job.

[CutebutPsycho]

I once had a supervisor who would read to us from "inspirational" (read: religious) documents, in order to help us "find our center". I work for the government, where such overt religious ploys are vehemently discouraged. This woman was a bit of a nutcase in other ways, too.

She insisted on hugging me at least once a day. THAT lasted all of three days (I know... WHY did I let it go on that long?) until I told her I really - no, REALLY - wasn't comfortable with that.

What is UP with some people?

[RegionMom]

hmmm...some of these posts reminded me of my 1st "real" paycheck job, working in a gov't office as a temp right out of college.
Aside from just the mundane glorified file clerk that I was, and learning the ropes, I also learned that LUNCH is THE highlight of the day. 
WHO is going with whom?  WHERE?  Is SHE going?  And by that, they would mean the boss.

The boss was a sad older woman who just did not fit in.  I was not there long enough to get all the backstories (I moved out-of-state 3 mos later)
but I vividly remember one day most of the team (about 10) had met in "Susie's" office and were discussing where to walk for lunch.  The women all had purses with them.  When they heard boss lady's distinctive footprints, "Susie" pulled open a file cabinent drawer for the purses to be thrown into and it was like a hide-n-seek game as to who could hide where or look busy or invisible!

I never did find out what was so "bad" about the boss, and even took her out to lunch on my last day.  Granted, it was my last day because if it was just a regular day, I, too, may have been shunned. 

I was just so surprised at that hide-n-seek game, even today! 

[dietcokeofevil]

I hate to denigrate my own sex, but I have found that this problem is much more common with women than with men.  I work in a very male-dominated field.  When I started working for my current company, there were many more women around than I was used too.  Suddenly, I found myself embroiled in all the gossip and Jr. High Behavior.  I was not used to that at all previously.

[MerryRaven]

Okay so two people on my staff don't get along.  These are women in their 50's.  Their disagreement goes back long before either one ever worked here to when they both lived in the same small town like 15 or 20 years ago.

They are always doing PA things to each other or telling on each other. 

And it is always about little petty stuff, one takes 5 extra minutes at lunch so the other dumps a half finished project on the other.  The project usually belongs to the person it gets dumped on, but in a "spirit of cooperation" we have always assisted each other by sorting out their cart for instance.  I mean it is just one of those unspoken things that were taken for granted and I can't require anyone to do it.

But we had a nice group with everyone working together and these two were hired at different times for different jobs and then they were attached to my group at about the same time.  No one knew they were in a war with each other until they had to start working with each other.

[Ohjustlovely]

Erma was a gossiper and third wheel.  Well, at least when I'm a third wheel, I don't make the Boss force people to have lunch with me.

  At a very small company, I was an admin, Erma was the other admin, and the other staff member was Debbie, the receptionist. Erma and Debbie's were lunch buddies, and I would have to cover.  They were consistently 30 minutes or more late. It would cause problems in the office.  Mr. Boss didn't care.  (Silly me, looking back, after the first time I should have issued a memo saying if you are late, I will put the phones on answering service and then I would leave at my designated lunch time!)

   Erma like to tattle on people.  Even on Debbie (a married woman), whom she said was flirting with somebody.  I told Erma I wasn't interested, it wasn't my business.  Erma than tried to make me look bad, lying to a junior executives that I "approved" of Debbie's "affair."   Erma also tattled about people's other person problems and minor mistakes.
 
   As time went by I noticed Debbie acting cooler and cooler until she would not not even say "good morning" or "bye".  Debbie wouldn't tell me why.  (Maybe the work of Erma?)
   
   When Debbie went on maternity leave, the temp who replaced her didn't work out.  I recommended an old-time (since childhood) friend, Christine.  Christine worked out very well and gets along with everybody.  Christine would chat with everybody, not just me. 

   We were still on the early-late alternate lunch schedule.  Christine and I would go to lunch everyday.  This was the opposite of Erma and Debbie, because she and Erma went to lunch together almost every day, but I didn't have a lunch pal.  This made Erma jealous.

    Erma tells Mr. Boss.  Mr. Boss makes us all three lunch together everyday to be fair.  Now we may put the phones on answering service during lunch so we  go out together.  (Well, why couldn't we do that before Debbie went on med leave?)    Okay, at several lunches, we all got along pretty well.

   After a week or so, Christine tells me (privately) that she doesn't like being told who to have lunch with, and especially Erma due to her gossiping and negativity.  Christine and I used to talk about church and things, and it changed with Erma.  Christine says she will announce she wants her lunch time alone, but we could still have our lunches.  Christine makes that announcement.  Erma doesn't like that.  Erma says she doesn't want to have lunch with me.  (Why?  I don't know, but it's okay because I don't want lunch with Erma either.) 

    Mr. Boss finds out none of us are having lunch together. The early-late lunch schedule. Erma isn't happy about this, and she says it's my fault. 

    When I was laid off, instead of saying "good bye" or "good luck," Debbie (she's only 18) goes into a big tirde about how she is glad I'm leaving because I always always snubbing her and looking sour.  (Um, that was you, my dear Debbie. You never smiled, no good mornings, went to lunch only with Erma, ignored my requests.  But didn't say anything, just stood there shocked.)  Erma came over and just grinned and nodded, saying, "Yes, and she also has nothing but bad things to say too!"  (Um, that would be you, Erma dear.  I didn't say that either.)

   I turned to Erma and said, "Keep out of this, please."   Then I turned to Debbie, "I said good morning to you every day, and you just would look down and look miserable.  Yes, I did.  I don't know why you were like that.  Good bye."  And I said to Erma, "You talk too much and meddle.  Good bye."