HELP! Birthday dinner dilema....

[gap183]

So, I'm going to try and give a quick background which will help you all understand my current situation.

My group of friends and I have all known each other since junior high (which basically adds up to about 12years)  Recently one of my friends and I got into a huge fight which has resulted in us never speaking to one another again.  The problem here is that I am still close with the other people in our group as is he but clearly neither one of us wants to see the other.  To add to the mix my boyfriend also still happens to be "best" friends with this guy.  None of this has actually presented any problems until recently.  One of our mutual friends wants to celebrate his birthday by going out to dinner and out to a club.  I'm having a dilema because I know my ex-friend (and his girlfriend who also hates me) will be there.  So I'm stuck trying to decide if it would be wrong for me not to go for fear of seeing him and having an extremely awkward and unpleasent time (it would be the first time i saw him in person since our fight) or if I could back out of dinner and just go to the club without looking like a bad person.

Any advice on this situation would be soo helpful!  I dont want to do wrong to my friend whose party it is and I also dont want to make my boyfriend feel like he is put in the middle of this (since he stated he wouldn't want to go to dinner without me).  At the same time I really dont want to see my ex-friend.   Please help!

[Clara Bow]

Just be polite, I know you don't want to see her but one evening won't be so bad. Smile and nod when you see her and then talk to everyone else. If she addresses you directly then answer her politely and briefly. Then leave as soon as is etiquettely sound. If you're polite and maintain your demeanor anything she does to the contrary makes her look bad and not you.

[Chartreuse]

Auntie Venom nailed it on the head.  I know it stinks having to deal with somebody who you'd rather just avoid, but in this case you probably would cause problems (intentional or not) with others who're you're still friends with.  The best thing you probably could do is suck it up for the evening.  Be polite, but not overly friendly.  You don't have to socialize with them and be buddy buddy, but just acknowledge them.  "Hello" is about all it'll take.  And if you come across as polite and kind, despite the history of problems, it only makes you look better than if you'd stayed home, obviously avoiding them.  Plus again... if they act like jerks and you continue to be impeccably polite, it only shows why you're not friends with them.

Go, try to have a good time, and try not to let two people ruin your evening.  Focus on those people who you WANT to see, not the ones you don't want to deal with.

[kingsrings]

I'm in the same exact same situation right now being estranged, maybe permanently, from a close friend due to a fight (hashed it out on here on this forum several weeks ago), and I second Auntie Venom's advice completely. You don't want your ex-friend to think that he's gotten the best of you and that you're no longer hanging out with this group anymore because of his presence, nor do you want to lose this core group of friends because they had nothing to do with the fight! You can still be in the same room and same event, but just stay a distance away from each other and if you are in the situation where you need to talk, make it short and civil. Most likely, your ex-friend and his GF won't want to make a scene either in front of the whole group, so they will do the same. If God forbid they don't, then just ignore whatever the two of them are doing or saying to you, and they will be the ones who look like idiots. This has worked out with my ex-friend so far, although I would never attend an event that is being held at her place because that would just be too awkward.

[Sharnita]

It sounds like a fairly large group so discreetly manuver yourself to the far end from where he and GF sit.