I've Been Wondering....

[Clara Bow]

I'm not sure if this goes here. It is a hostess question at least in periphery. If not the mods please move it (again. They're going to start throwing things at me if I don't get this forum thing down) with my thanks.
Do you consider it an etiquette faux pas for a person to get drunk at a gathering? I don't mean hoot and holler night at the local bar, or frat-type party, I mean at a grown up party where alcohol is served? I have a friend who isn't having fun until she's had one too many and I think it's rude to get sloshed at someone else's home at an event not designed for such.
Now I can tolerate tipsy, or buzzed...but I mean drunk. Giggly and hanging all over hubby (big PDA) and just silly.
Now that I have a little one we don't do much adult only entertaining, but someday we will again.
So am I wrong to think that it's not polite to get plastered in public?

[cheyne]

No, I agree with you.  I think etiquette is about making others comfortable (or at least not making them UNcomfortable).  If this woman is getting drunk enough to make others at the event uncomfortable, she has crossed the line into bad behavior IMHO. 

Usually someone over the age of about 25 who feels the need to get plastered at every event where alcohol is served has a drinking problem.  Most of us have grown out of this behavior by that age. 


I would think twice about inviting her to any gatherings at my home.

[Evil Duckie]

No, it is not polite to get drunk in public. I was always taught that one is suppose to be in control of one's self when one is in public and you can't do that if you are drunk.

Being invite to people's homes and getting drunk is insulting to the host. People invite you to their homes for your company not to watch you get drunk and make a fool of yourself.

I don't mind if people have a drink or two just enough to get drunk, but I don't care to be around people when they are drunk. I am one of those people with a low tolerance of alcohol so I never drink more than one drink if I drink at all. Usually I drink soda or juice instead.

[Sharnita]

I agree that it is rude. Good etiquette requires us to be thoughtful and when you're drunk, your thinking is impaired.

[Lisbeth]

I think it is not polite to get drunk in public to the point that you are not in control of yourself (not to mention not safe or healthy), especially if it makes others uncomfortable.

[CynthiaBelle]

I think it's amazingly rude to get very "trashed" at an event.

I also think this includes: weddings, (not all, because some are intended to be a HUGE party!), graduations, dinner parties, holiday parties, and like things of the sort.

[Clara Bow]

Oh my favorite is when you go to a wedding and the bride and groom get hammered. What a lovely way to start your life together.
When I was in my friend's (the one in the OP) wedding she had an open bar and kept on and on all day about how wasted she was going to get at the reception. I had one drink and left a little early. Maybe not the world's greatest etiquette on my part, but the hall was booked until the wee hours and I had had enough shenanigans by that point.

[tendereyes]

I agree..it's rude to get drunk, even "plaster" at someone's home or event. This may work if one is still in college and attending a college party, but there comes a time, when after 25 and particularly if you're 1. working in a "real" job, 2. have a family, that it's time to leave the adolescent behaviour behind and start acting like an adult.

It's not as if one is back in high school or in college where it's "cute", and if there is felt a need to behave like this, this is an indication of an addiction problem.

At a certain age, it would be felt that an individual would be self conscious and considerate of themselves and being in other's prescence.

Though we may live in a modern age, the old adage about how other's will perceive others by their actions still hold. This is not only unfair to the hosts to come to their home and become drunk, but to other guests who may or may not know that individual and to the host's home..

[snacky-poo]

I posted a similar scenario on this a few weeks ago - about inviting someone "over the age of knowing better" to party when you know she'll have too much to drink.  I think it's rude, uncomfortable and depending what the over-indulger does, can end up hurting people.  Not only the physical danger, but a "friend" of mine has done more things to cause problems when drunk and never remembers any of it the next day.

I don't care what the situation is, after a certain age one should know how to behave in public.  After 25, you'd think someone would know how they can tolerate alcohol.  I guess after seeing a lot of it from other people and making an yoohoo! Moderators!  Ban me now! of myself once, I wouldn't put up with it.

[ccnumber4]

I think it is particularly rude if the event is held in someone's home. 

[Sophia]

I agree, very rude and also odd.  Getting completely drunk at a party tells everyone else that either, you get completely drunk every single day, or you are too poor to drink very much on your own dime so you are over-indulging on someone else's. 

Years ago, I was having a chat on a train with a gorgeous man from Rome.  He said that an Italian man would never be seen drunk in public because Italian women do not tolerate that.  Any woman that saw him like that, would never date him after that. 

Was it her husband, or other husbands that see hangs on whilte drunk?

[sparksals]

I'm going to digress from everyone else's opinion.  I think it depends on the circumstances and the social circle. 

In my younger days, we went to house parties and alot of people got drunk.  It was almost expected.

Today, depending on who I am with will dictate the amount of alcohol.  I don't take offence if someone comes to my house and gets drunk.  As long as they don't do anything to destroy my home, I have no problem with it. 

I would never go to Great Aunt Tilley's 99th birthday party and get sloshed, but if my  husband and I are invited to someone's house party, I wouldn't think less of people if they got plastered so long as they don't make a total fool of themselves. 

I know this has been debated here and on the other board, where many people assume if one gets drunk, they are an alcoholic.  That is just not the case.  At least, in my opinion it isn't.   

[Twik]

No, but if you get drunk to the point of losing control, you annoy people. Annoying people is rude. Basically, if you behave when drunk in a manner that no one would accept if you were sober, you're too drunk to be in public.

Besides, at a certain age, getting so blasted that you vomit on your host's rug, or offer to perform sexual acts on your best friend's partner because "you've always wondered what she saw in him", is no longer fun. I don't know why, it just isn't.

[sparksals]

No, but if you get drunk to the point of losing control, you annoy people. Annoying people is rude. Basically, if you behave when drunk in a manner that no one would accept if you were sober, you're too drunk to be in public.

Besides, at a certain age, getting so blasted that you vomit on your host's rug, or offer to perform sexual acts on your best friend's partner because "you've always wondered what she saw in him", is no longer fun. I don't know why, it just isn't.

I totally agree with you there. 

My point is that sometimes people just get tipsy.  I've been guilty of it and will probably continue to do so.  However, I don't get out of control, I've never puked on someone's rug or made sexual propositions.  I also know when I reach my limit. 

It is the people who don't know or refuse to acknowledge that limit that become a problem.

All I'm saying is that I see nothing wrong with the occasional "tipsy" episode, so long as it doesn't cause havoc, embarrassment or damage to property or person. 

[Cattaby]

One of the things that drunk people should take into consideration is how the sober people around them will consider their behaviour. In my social circle we're all quite heavy social drinkers - everyone enjoys themselves, there's always plenty of crashing room. So when you're drunk with the drunks, it's loads of fun. No one feels left out, everyone's having a blast.

But when I find myself the designated driver for the night, these drunk antics aren't so amusing. I don't mind people being drunk and merry and me driving them home. But when they start yelling or suggesting idiotic things (like sticking their heads out of my moving car's sunroof - I don't think so!) THEN they've crossed the line. Because they've made me feel uncomfortable in continually saying "No" and feel out of place for being the sober one there. I find that extremely unacceptable in drinking situations.

I think as long as the drinking does no harm to anyone (harm ranging from annoying people in the vicinity to hurting someone or themselves) then it isn't a problem. However, I won't argue that one of the problems of being drunk is losing the ability to perceive one's surroundings, and thus, how uncomfortable others in the vicinity may be.