Author Topic: Should I go?  (Read 1051 times)

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thebadchemist

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Should I go?
« on: January 17, 2007, 01:23:53 PM »
Hey all,

This isn't really etiquette-related, although some smaller etiquette points will play into it, especially if I decline.

BF and I have been together for a long time. We're definitely headed towards the latter end of a decade. Anyway, his parents and I get along fine and I like them a lot. So... his mom has invited me along to a female-family-members-only weekend. It's going to be her, BF's sister, and a handful of relatives on his mom's side (BF's aunt, cousins, cousins-in-law).

Even though his mom and I get along very well and I adore her (I'm grateful that she's so awesome, given some of the horror stories I've heard and read about), I'm pretty hesitant about accepting this invitation. So, here goes another of thebadchemist's lists:

-I have never spent time with BF's family without BF.
-Due to the fact that his extended family is scattered all over the US and they don't get together much, I have met very few of them. Of the people in attendance this particular weekend, I would only know his mom and his sister.
-I will be the youngest by 2 years and beyond that, at least 15.
-I will also be the only unrelated person there, as everyone else is related by blood or marriage.
-I feel bad because every time I spend time with BF's family, they pay for everything. I don't want to be another mouth to feed and another person to buy a ticket for, etc.

Obviously, the pros to this situation would be the potential for bonding, fun, etc. I also have no idea how BF's mom would feel if I said no. BF said he wouldn't be offended at all if I declined, but that's largely because he knows in a reciprocal situation, he wouldn't go. He gets along fine with my parents, but due to cultural differences and a language barrier, he probably would feel pretty awkward on a weekend outing alone with either of them.

Anyway, I'm not really sure how to proceed, so any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

CrayonOutlines

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2007, 01:42:12 PM »
I would definitely go.  It shows how your BF's mom thinks about you, which is a very nice compliment.

Particularly if you think BF and you will be married and/or together for a very long while, you should go.  It'll give you an opportunity to spend time with people who could be your family at some point.

Clara Bow

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2007, 01:49:53 PM »
Go and have a good time. Bring money to pay your own way (possibly strong arm a dinner check away from mom and pay for her meal as well as yours as a gesture of thanks, or maybe bring a cooler of drinks for everyone to have on the road) and enjoy yourself. Since this is a long term relationship I'm sure these ladies have heard of you and would like to meet you.
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ladiedeathe

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2007, 02:52:52 PM »
Do go, take cash to cover what you feel you absolutely need to cover, and have fun!

BF's nice family is letting you know they accept you as part of the family, with or without a marriage license. If you decline or make a huge fuss about what they pay for, you are letting them all know that you don't consider yourself one of them. It's much much better to be a part of the family.
"Here to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Have chalice, will travel."

CocoCamm

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2007, 03:31:56 PM »
Do go, take cash to cover what you feel you absolutely need to cover, and have fun!

BF's nice family is letting you know they accept you as part of the family, with or without a marriage license. If you decline or make a huge fuss about what they pay for, you are letting them all know that you don't consider yourself one of them. It's much much better to be a part of the family.

I agree 100%!!!

Irish Clovers

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2007, 04:34:26 PM »
Yep, go and have fun!!!!!!! 

SunkissableOne

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Re: Should I go?
« Reply #6 on: January 18, 2007, 01:52:58 AM »
I would say do it!  This is not only a great time to meet new people but to also form great bonds and some amazing memories.  Go have fun! :)