Making plans to see a movie

[LifeOnPluto]

Hi all,

A couple of weeks ago, my friend "Mike" and I were talking about upcoming movies, and which ones looked good. We agreed the new James Bond flick,  'Casino Royale' looked good, and that we should see it together sometime. We had seen 'Die Another Day' together back in 2002 and both enjoyed it.

We didn't make definite plans to see it - there was no definite time and place arranged. The conversation was more like "Hey, we should go and see 'Casino Royale' sometime". "Yeah, it's coming out soon, we should do that!" type of thing.

Last night I had a call from "Mike". We had a chat, and he cheerfully announced that he'd seen a movie with his mother on the weekend. Guess which one it was - 'Casino Royale'!

Question 1) Was Mike rude for seeing 'Casino Royale', after we had discussed seeing it together? Or was he in the right, since we hadn't pinned down a time/place to see, rather we'd just made a tentative agreement to see it in the future.


I told Mike that I thought him and I were going to see it together. His excuse was that his mother had free tickets, and asked him on the spur of the moment. He also offered to see the movie again, with me.

Question 2) Does the fact that Mike had a free ticket, and that his mum had made the offer on the spur of the moment, make a difference?

Question 3) Should I accept Mike's offer? There is no one else I know who is really into James Bond. Therefore, if I don't see it with Mike, I will probably have to either go alone, or not at all. On the other hand, I don't want to drag Mike to a movie which he has already seen. I'm not sure whether he was just being polite in offering to see it again.

[Alida]

Unless you'd made solid plans to go see it, then no, I do not think he was rude at all.  His offering to see it again with you was rather nice.  And it says something about the movie, too, if he's willing to see it twice 

[smarterthanu213]

It was his mum, those are usually hard to turn down    Go see it with him since he offered.

[MadMadge43]

I wouldn't end a friendship over it, but that might grate since it sounds like the movie had meaning to the both of you. What happens if you had passed on a chance to go see it to find out he had already gone?

But since he did agree to go with you to see it again, he definitely gets a pass.  And take him up on the offer.

[blarg314]

If you had set a date or time, then yes, he would have been rude, but a 'we should see that movie sometime' conversation is pretty nebulous. I'd say about half the time I have that sort of conversation, we end up going to the movie, and half the time we don't.

[Sandi Papaya]

Yeah, I'm with the "not rude" camp on that one, since you didn't have a set date and time to go see it. Now if, OTOH, you guys had made a firm date, and he'd blown you off last-minute, and then it came out that he'd gone to see it with his mom/some other friend/cousin/etc...THAT would be rude.

I've had nebulous, "Let's go see a movie" plans with my friend Paul since...July. Unfortunately, work and other commitments, and then my car accident, got in the way. What really kills me is that I've had free movie tickets (plus free drinks, popcorn and candy!) that I won in an auction at work at the end of my training for my new position! Fortunately, they don't expire, but sheesh! I've been hanging on to those darn movie tickets forever, and I've been saving them for him because I promised them to him to make our movie date a little cheaper (cuz that's an easy 40 bucks - or more! - saved, right there!).

(admittedly, yes, I have a teeny tiny bit of a thing for this guy, but he's such a sweetheart...*sigh*)

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

I think this was a "Sienfield" Episode where Elaine and George were supposed to go see a movie together and George saw it without her and it was a stinker and he was trying to figure out how to not go while at the same time not telling her he already went because she would be mad.

I say no definate plans then it was not rude, he sounds nice to offer to go see it again with you!

[goblue2539]

It was his mum, those are usually hard to turn down 

I think this is the part that would get me to let him off the hook.  Nebulous plans with a friend do still mean that if another friend asks, I check with the first friend first.  But, family is a tad bit different.

FWIW, my mom is NOT a Bond fan, and she thought the movie was really good.  So, I'd take him at his word and go see it with him.  Hey, if it's not worth seeing again, it's his own fault for offering something he didn't mean, right? 

[kingsrings]

I don't think that Mike did anything wrong. It sounds like you never made concrete plans to see the movie and didn't promise to not see it unless the other one was there. Plus, the guy had free tickets, so of course he jumped at that offer rather than pay the hefty movie admission price. I would too if I got that opportunity. I think it was really nice of him to offer to see it again with you, he didn't have to do that.

[brianoc]

I think this was a "Sienfield" Episode where Elaine and George were supposed to go see a movie together and George saw it without her and it was a stinker and he was trying to figure out how to not go while at the same time not telling her he already went because she would be mad.

Close but it was actually Jerry who saw the movie with George when he'd agreed to see it with Elaine.  George was - as usual - something of a sociopath and persuaded Jerry that Elaine wouldn't mind... up until the point Jerry had bought the ticket.  (In this instance Elaine has arguably more right to be mad than the OP, because the reason she isn't with them is because she's looking after a dog that is really Jerry's responsibility)

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheDog.htm

George: Know what? Ponce De Leon is sold out.

Jerry: It is? Oh yeah, you're right. What else is playing?

George: Nothing except Prognosis Negative.

Jerry: Boy, I know [Elaine] really wants to see that with me.

...

George: I mean, I could understand if there was something else playing, but
it's this or nothing.

Jerry: I don't know what to do.

George: What is this 'saving movies' thing? Something's playing, you go.

Jerry: I know, I know.

George: So, what? We're gonna do nothing now, this is crazy.

Jerry: It is kind of silly.

George: Of course it is.

Jerry: I mean, it's just a movie, for god's sake.

George: Exactly.

Jerry: It's not like she's *in* the movie.

George: Right.

Jerry: Am I supposed to ruin the whole night because she wants to see it? I
mean, if I could have seen it with her, fine. But I can't control all these
circumstances and schedules and peoples' availabilities at movies.

George: And she'll still see it, you're not stopping her from seeing it.

Jerry: How does sitting next to a person in a movie theater increase the level
of enjoyment? You can't talk during a movie. You know, this is stupid, c'mon,
let's just go.

George: Good.

Jerry: Saving movies.

George: Ridiculous!

Jerry: Two for Prognosis Negative. I'm in trouble.

George: Oh, you're dead.

[VorFemme]

I'd go with the others - he was not rude since you had no definite plans.

Besides - he wasn't rude to his mother - which shows that he was raised correctly and will probably be correct in his future dealings with you.  (Speaking as the mother of a 13-year-old DS and a 22-year-old DD - I think that showing good manners to their parents is good indication of how your friends - romantic partners or not - will treat you.)

Go for it - just make sure he doesn't whisper spoilers to you in the theater.........

[BurninDinner]

1. No, it sounds like miscommunication (ie, you put serious stock in it, he thought it was more up in the air, like "we should do dinner sometime").

2. Yes, it would for me.  It's not like he made plans and left you out on purpose.

3. Sure, why not?  He's old enough to make decisions, he can decide whether to go with you or not and he offered.  It doesn't sound like you tried to guilt-trip him into it.

[Chocolate Cake]

If you and Mike would have had firm plans (day and time) to see the movie, he would have been rude to have seen the movie without you last week-end.   But, pseudo-plans (i.e. "we should do that sometime") don't obligate him to not seeing the movie unless it's with you.

[LifeOnPluto]

Yeah, thanks for the responses everyone. It seems the general consensus is that Mike wasn't rude because we didn't make definite plans.

That said, Mike and I see movies together fairly regularly. When discussing a movie we should see together, 9 times out of 10 we DO end up seeing it together. So chances are, we would have eventually set a definite time and place to see the movie in the near future. In addition, I had the chance to see the movie with someone else, yet I chose to turn them down, figuring that Mike and I would see it together later.

Anyway, I have decided that I'll take Mike up on his offer, and see it with him - if he wants to see it again, it's his prerogative.

One more thing... a couple of you said that the fact that it was Mike's mother who asked him to see it with her made a difference. To me, this indicates a way of thinking, that parents (and indeed other family members) should take priority over other people, and get preferential treatment. For example, if I had incited Mike to a BBQ lunch at my place on Sunday, and then on Saturday his mother invited him around to her place for lunch, would Mike be justified in cancelling my BBQ to attend his mother's lunch? (I'm not trying to be snarky or anything here, I really am confused!)

[graceh9]

your example is nothing like your original question -- breaking a specific date to do something
else is rude -- although if the mother had something important she needed him to do, he should
break a casual movie date to do it, because yes family and mothers in particular do take precedence

parents should not intrude on the social lives of their children -- but one owes a great deal more
to one's mother than anyone other than one's own wife/husband and children