Author Topic: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.  (Read 4490 times)

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Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007

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Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« on: January 17, 2007, 01:50:44 PM »
My SIL and SMIL share a B-day, SIL made reservations at a new restaurant she wanted us to all try for their B-day dinner.  She sent us a link to the restaurant so we could see the menu.

I would like to start out by saying, Jellybean and I do not appreciate fine dining (he says it is because I am a good cook and he always thinks of how much better it would taste and cheaper it would be if I made it, LOL), everytime we have gone to a fine dining establishment, we have been disappointed with the food and service and felt like we were being VAY over charged for food that was not to our taste.  This place specialized in "game meats" and every dish had their special glazes and sauces, and the cheapest entree' was $32.00, which is what a usual dinner out cost for both Jellybean and I.

Well, we parused the menu and I found ONE thing that I could eat with my allergies and that MIGHT be something that I would like to try (I cannot have pepper of any kind, high acid foods, I do not eat game meat and am not fond of veal and lamb, and all beef dishes were encrusted in blue cheese, which I do not like) and Jellybean found one thing he was willing to choke down.  The food did not look BAD< just not to our taste.

So, the day before the dinner, SIL and BIL canceled because they came down with a stomach bug, so I called SMIL to confirm dinner plans with HER.  She asked if we had been to this place before, and I said "no", she asked if we had seen the menu, and I said "yes", she asked me what I thought and I said "It looks interesting", she then asked if we would mind if we went to a local Hibachi style restaurant instead, to which I replied "Jellybean and I really like X and Z, they are wonderful", so she changed the reservations, we went, had a great time and the food was WONDERFUL and less expensive.

I called SIL the next day to wish her a happy b-day and tell her I hoped she was feeling better, and she asked how we liked the restaurant, I told her we did not go there, we went to X instead.  She seemed VERY offended, wanted to know who decided that and how we ended up there, I told her that SMIL chose it for her B-day dinner.  SIL cut the conversation short.

NOW, I am of the opinion that since she cancelled out on us, we were under NO obligation to go to the restaurant she chose just because she likes it, especially since it was SMIL's b-day as well, and SMIL wanted to go elsewhere.

Am I wrong and is she right?  Should we have gone where the dinner was originally planned even though the "planner" was unable to attend?

ALSO, next time she tries to get Jellybean and I go to to Restaurant Fancy Pants, is it OK to say "The menu does not seem to be of our taste, mind if we meet you for drinks and desert after?"  I would not ask her to change her dinner plans if that is where she would like to go.

CrayonOutlines

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2007, 01:56:17 PM »
Am I wrong and is she right?  Should we have gone where the dinner was originally planned even though the "planner" was unable to attend?

ALSO, next time she tries to get Jellybean and I go to to Restaurant Fancy Pants, is it OK to say "The menu does not seem to be of our taste, mind if we meet you for drinks and desert after?"  I would not ask her to change her dinner plans if that is where she would like to go.

No, you're right.  What if SMIL wasn't involved at all?  SIL & BIL get sick, so does that mean that Jellybean and you still have to go to dinner at THAT restaurant on THAT day at THAT time?  No.  SIL is being silly.

I think it's fine to bow out gracefully in the future as you said. 

btw, this is my 100th post.  I'm finally a Full Member!!!  YAY!   ;D

Bob Ducca

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #2 on: January 17, 2007, 01:58:51 PM »
No, you were not rude.  What if SMIL hadn't been involved- would you have been rude if you and DH didn't go to her restaurant of choice by yourselves?  Ridiculous.  (Dang it, Courtney, you beat me to it!) 8)

As far as the other, I wouldn't say it is rude to decline to go to dinner at a restaurant you are 1)reasonably sure that you won't enjoy and 2)isn't in your usual price range.  I like the compromise of drinks before or dessert after, so you aren't trying to hijack her evening.

Unless she is part owner, I don't understand why she is forcing this restaurant on everybody. :-\

CrayonOutlines

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2007, 02:00:18 PM »
(Dang it, Courtney, you beat me to it!) 8)

tee hee.

Great minds...   :)

Clara Bow

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2007, 02:02:04 PM »
SIL is a little out of line here. If she was going along and this was something she wanted to do it would be vastly different. But why should you guys have to eat somewhere you don't really want to go that is way overpriced to boot?
Maybe she was miffed that her choice wasn't popular with you guys, but there was no need to take it out on you. It's not your fault you don't want to eat quail or deer or dragonfly for 32 bucks a plate. Not everyone's tastes are the same.
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RegionMom

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2007, 02:03:09 PM »
hmm...take it down a level and think of it this way--
you never go to "xyz" type of movie.  Don't like it, don't get it, just don't go.  Friend finally convinces you that they will be your "tour guide" of this type of movie and you decide to try it with them. 
Friend cancels.  You had already cleared the time and go see you genre of "abc" movie instead. 
Friend is upset that you did not see "xyz" type movie. 
Could also apply to work-out routine, or museum, so on and so on...
Friendship is about enjoying things together. 

I like your idea of drinks and dessert after.  Would you make it yourself?  Or even going out, that sounds like a good compromise. 

You did nothing wrong by not going to her pick when she could not attend herself.
Fear is temporary...Regret is forever.

Gwywnnydd

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2007, 02:04:33 PM »
I think that you were fine to discuss where you were going with (one of) *the guest(s) of honor*, and decide on something that would make you all happy.

If your SIL wants to go to Chez FancyPants, she can feel free, but you should feel under *NO* obligation to go to a restaurant you *know* will a) cost more than you are comfortable spending, and b) has only one dish you *might like.

ZipTheWonder

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2007, 02:07:27 PM »
Oh, for pity sake.  She's crazy if she thinks you are obligated to her to go, without her, to a restaurant of her choosing.


Sharnita

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #8 on: January 17, 2007, 02:07:49 PM »
I would say it was perfectly fine for you to do what you did in this circumstance. I would strongly suggest that if she wants to try her place in the future you go and give it a try. Maybe split the beef entree sans blue cheese with hubby and each of you get a salad an/or soup. You wouldn't have to do this every time but accomodating her tastes/preferences once or twice - especially on her birthday seems reasonble.

RoseRose

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2007, 02:13:54 PM »
Sheesh... Your SIL is completely out of line.  If she was still going, I'd probably have went, and eaten a salad or something, but once she cancelled, you were free to go somewhere that you and your SMIL enjoy.  You are in no way obligated to stick with plans once circumstances change.  Maybe I just have especially considerate friends, but we'll only go to a resteraunt if we all agree it's good to try.  Same with my fiance's family (though I never argue... but then, I'm not picky, and they pay for this poor college student to eat places I could NEVER afford on my own.)  So does my family!  Although, it usually, when my grandfather is around, boils down to where CAN he eat... but, we try to accomodate everyone, even for celebratory meals.

I can see why she'd want to pick the place for her birthday, and that sounds reasonable.  But once she wasn't going, she has NO reason to complain... and I'd probably decline going there again with her, unless it was for, like, a late birthday celebration, or some other celebratory meal with her, if the menu is that distasteful/hits your allergies.  I love the drinks/dessert suggestion!



Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2007, 02:16:19 PM »
I would say it was perfectly fine for you to do what you did in this circumstance. I would strongly suggest that if she wants to try her place in the future you go and give it a try. Maybe split the beef entree sans blue cheese with hubby and each of you get a salad an/or soup. You wouldn't have to do this every time but accomodating her tastes/preferences once or twice - especially on her birthday seems reasonble.

Yes, we were willing to go for her B-day, but as for soups and salad...the soups were also game meat, and beleive it or not, 2 of the salads ahd strawberries in it and the other had a bunch of peppers.

I worked with chefs for a year with a Cruise Line, many got offended if you asked them to change "their dishes", some were OK with it, I am always afraid of offending the person touching my food, LOL

LollyBee

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #11 on: January 17, 2007, 02:21:27 PM »
Given that it was SMIL's birthday too, I think it would have been ruder to insist you went to the original restaurant when she evidently didn't want to go.

Madd Hatter

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #12 on: January 17, 2007, 02:22:45 PM »
I agree with everyone above, but I have a question.  Could it be possible that SIL had some sort of surprise waiting at the resturant?  Something special for the occasion?  That may be why she's upset that you didn't go.  I know I would be upset if I had made a bunch of plans with the resturant for the occasion and then no one went even if I couldn't go.

Rose2Bear

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #13 on: January 17, 2007, 02:23:33 PM »
Were there reservations made at the game resteraunt? If so, I hope someone cancelled them!

She has no reason to be mad though, how does she know you didn't cancel because you wanted to wait for her to recover so you could all go to the resteraunt together? While WE know that's not the truth, she doens't have to!

Ciarrai

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Re: Were we rude, SIL seems offended.
« Reply #14 on: January 17, 2007, 02:35:04 PM »
That makes no sense whatsoever. Like Courtney said, I don't think she would expect you and Jellybean to go a restaurant she chose without her and her husband, so why would she think you would go to a restaurant she chose for your SMIL's birthday?
Strange, very strange.