Were we rude, SIL seems offended.

[CynthiaBelle]

I do not think that you are in the wrong at all. I think you were totally right to go out to where you and the other dinner guest chose.

[ladiedeathe]

You weren't rude at all- you were very nice to go where the other actual B-day person wanted to go.

If you want to be the nicer person, tell SIL "We couldn't have gone to XYZ without you; how rotten- to have your family go to your fave restaurant while you have to sit at home. We're saving XYZ for a special ocasion when you are with us."

For their next B-day or anniversary or other special date, then, go and do try it if they ask again (unless you really can't afford it, then no!). Most places allow at least some substitutions to menu items, so order what you can eat and remove anything you really don't like (glazes, sauses, cheeses) . See if you can find a dessert to rave about.

I know it isn't your thing, but if you are close to SIL it is a kind thing. If it's their special day, let them choose, especially if they are good the rest of the year with your dining choices.

[Lisbeth]

I don't think you were rude.  Since SIL and BIL bowed out, it was no longer up to them where you went.  SIL was rude to have made an issue of it.

But if she wants to go there again in the future, I'd consider going in order to keep things calm and peaceful between you.

[ccnumber4]

So, let me get this straight.  You agree to go with SIL to a restaurant that is definately not your taste. 

You do so graciously and in honor of her birthdday.  She gets sick and cancels and then gets mad because you went to a place of your own choosing?  How completely self-centered of her.  Of course you are not rude or wrong for enjoying a dinner out with your mother-in-law.  If I were your sister-in-law, I probably would have been happy that you chose something else.  It would not have been fun to have everyone tell me how much they LOVED the restaurant I chose and so sad that I couldn't go! 

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

Were there reservations made at the game resteraunt? If so, I hope someone cancelled them!

She has no reason to be mad though, how does she know you didn't cancel because you wanted to wait for her to recover so you could all go to the resteraunt together? While WE know that's not the truth, she doens't have to!

Reservations for Chez FancyPants were cancled as far as I know, I think SMIL did it.

I am willing to try it there ONCE if asked to go again.

[JudiAU]

No, you weren't rude. She probably *was* offended that you and MIL didn't go to the place she chose but that is not your fault.

And no, it isn't rude to say the menu isn't to your taste or budget or whatever and suggest alternate plans.

[Balletmom]

If anything, she should appreciate that you were willing to go to a restaurant not of your first preference, to please her, and please her alone.

Point that out to her, if you can.

And let her get over little bad self, at the same time.

You were perfectly correct in what you did!

[Twik]

I know this is not helpful after you've ended the conversation, but it might have helped to say, "Oh, we just wouldn't have enjoyed it without you, so we went to some little place just to grab a bite. We wanted to experience this one with you."

Incidentally, if you do go, I think a genuinely high-class restaurant would have no problem at all leaving the blue cheese and such off the steak if you ask (although, unfortunately, they probably wouldn't reduce the price to compensate  ).

[sammycat]

You weren't rude at all.  It sounded like SMIL wasn't too keen on going there either since she suggested going to another place.  It was her birthday too and she should also be allowed to chose where she wants to eat, and it sounds like the game meat place wasn't it.

[Powergirl]

I dont think you were rude.  If your Mother in law wanted to go else then you did the right thing.  I do think though in future if she was to ask you to go somewhere for her birthday again and you said to her "the menu is not to our taste" I think that would be rude.  You wouldnt like her to say to you if you invited them out to a restaurant you loved "we cant make it because we dont like the food"  I believe that is rude.

[Bethalize]

I worked with chefs for a year with a Cruise Line, many got offended if you asked them to change "their dishes", some were OK with it, I am always afraid of offending the person touching my food, LOL

If you have advance notice a letter to the manager explaining that you would like to bring a group there but you have allergies, please could they accomodate you so everyone else can come? sometimes does the trick. And if they want to turn down £100s of tab in order not to accomodate one person, they are barking.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

I dont think you were rude.  If your Mother in law wanted to go else then you did the right thing.  I do think though in future if she was to ask you to go somewhere for her birthday again and you said to her "the menu is not to our taste" I think that would be rude.  You wouldnt like her to say to you if you invited them out to a restaurant you loved "we cant make it because we dont like the food"  I believe that is rude.

I would go just to give it a good try.  I would be upset thought by spending about $100.00 for dinner for 2 eating food that I did not like.  It would not be my SIL's fault though, because I did not tell her.

Honestly, I have friends who are Veggie and one friend who is a picky eater, I welcome them giving suggestions of places to go because I would hate to have them there, have them order and just push the food around on the plate pretending to eat something.  It would make me feel like a bad "hostest" and would make me feel like my friends did not have enough confidence in our friendship to speak up and say "Hey, I do not eat duck, goose, veal, lamb, dear and I am not sure there is anything i can eat there, do you have another suggestion?"

I, however, would;d not ask to go somewhere else on someone elses specail occasion, but to just meet for dinner, I would.

[willow08]

You were not rude. What would be the point of going to a restaurant that you would not enjoy (and in fact could have set off an allergic reaction)?

[Buffy2424]

That's so silly; she was just in a poor mood about something else.  I hope!

[auntmeegs]

Am I wrong and is she right?  Should we have gone where the dinner was originally planned even though the "planner" was unable to attend?

ALSO, next time she tries to get Jellybean and I go to to Restaurant Fancy Pants, is it OK to say "The menu does not seem to be of our taste, mind if we meet you for drinks and desert after?"  I would not ask her to change her dinner plans if that is where she would like to go.
[/quote]

I can't understand why she would be mad that you didn't go to the resturant she chose, even though she canceled.  She didn't go either!  What sense does that make?  You were only willing to go there for her sake in the first place.  Some people have way too much time on their hands....