Were we rude, SIL seems offended.

[katarain]

I have tried to put myself in your SIL's place to try and understand her feeling. The only excuse I can think of is if I had asked people before hand if my choice of restaurant was okay and everyone said it was...finding out they didn't go might cause me to be upset that they had essentially lied by saying it was okay.  My gut feeling tells me this ISN'T the case with the SIL, though.

[goblue2539]

This may be coming from left field, but as I was reading, it came to me.  Is it possible that SIL was working up a good sulk at missing her birthday dinner at FancyPants and was upset she didn't actually miss out because no one went?  It's not very mature, but I know I've worked myself up a time or two only to have someone unintentionally take the wind out of my sails.  I was wrong, but sometimes once you get yourself that worked up it's hard to come back down quickly. 

[Bijou]

My SIL and SMIL share a B-day, SIL made reservations at a new restaurant she wanted us to all try for their B-day dinner.  She sent us a link to the restaurant so we could see the menu.

I would like to start out by saying, Jellybean and I do not appreciate fine dining (he says it is because I am a good cook and he always thinks of how much better it would taste and cheaper it would be if I made it, LOL), everytime we have gone to a fine dining establishment, we have been disappointed with the food and service and felt like we were being VAY over charged for food that was not to our taste.  This place specialized in "game meats" and every dish had their special glazes and sauces, and the cheapest entree' was $32.00, which is what a usual dinner out cost for both Jellybean and I.

Well, we parused the menu and I found ONE thing that I could eat with my allergies and that MIGHT be something that I would like to try (I cannot have pepper of any kind, high acid foods, I do not eat game meat and am not fond of veal and lamb, and all beef dishes were encrusted in blue cheese, which I do not like) and Jellybean found one thing he was willing to choke down.  The food did not look BAD< just not to our taste.

So, the day before the dinner, SIL and BIL canceled because they came down with a stomach bug, so I called SMIL to confirm dinner plans with HER.  She asked if we had been to this place before, and I said "no", she asked if we had seen the menu, and I said "yes", she asked me what I thought and I said "It looks interesting", she then asked if we would mind if we went to a local Hibachi style restaurant instead, to which I replied "Jellybean and I really like X and Z, they are wonderful", so she changed the reservations, we went, had a great time and the food was WONDERFUL and less expensive.

I called SIL the next day to wish her a happy b-day and tell her I hoped she was feeling better, and she asked how we liked the restaurant, I told her we did not go there, we went to X instead.  She seemed VERY offended, wanted to know who decided that and how we ended up there, I told her that SMIL chose it for her B-day dinner.  SIL cut the conversation short.

NOW, I am of the opinion that since she cancelled out on us, we were under NO obligation to go to the restaurant she chose just because she likes it, especially since it was SMIL's b-day as well, and SMIL wanted to go elsewhere.

Am I wrong and is she right?  Should we have gone where the dinner was originally planned even though the "planner" was unable to attend?

ALSO, next time she tries to get Jellybean and I go to to Restaurant Fancy Pants, is it OK to say "The menu does not seem to be of our taste, mind if we meet you for drinks and desert after?"  I would not ask her to change her dinner plans if that is where she would like to go.

She is way off base, if you ask me.  How can someone who isn't even going take issue with where someone went for dinner?  It's also obvious that the SMIL had no say in planning her own bd dinner, since she opted to go to an entirely different place, when she had a chance.

[Just Lori]

If you wind up going to the restaurant to celebrate SIL's birthday, do call ahead and talk about menu options.  My SIL has to do this often with her daughter, who has celiac disease.  Most restaurants are happy to accommodate her, the point where they'll fry the child's French fries in a pot of fresh oil so there are no issues with cross contamination.  Call the restaurant at about 2 p.m., before the rush begins.

I was recently talking to the executive chef of a local seafood restaurant, and I sheepishly admitted I don't like the taste of seafood.  He said that just about any seafood entree can be prepared with chicken breast.  It's not on the menu, but he takes pride in satisfying every patron, even the picky ones who are dragged to seafood restaurants by relatives and friends.  I think he welcomes the challenge.