I know it's tacky but...(please read first post before answering)

[miranova]

I understand the reasons for a second shower being considered bad etiquette, but I'm not one to follow rules blindly.  Each situation is a little different.  If I were friends with you I would go to your shower.  And I wouldn't roll my eyes at it or talk poorly about you behind your back.  Now, if you had a registry that was 20 pages long, I might roll my eyes.   But, honestly, whatever you call it I don't think it's the worst thing in the world.  You don't have too many "overlap" people from the first shower and if you keep it really casual, people won't feel pressured to buy a bunch of stuff and it could be lovely.

[EvilAlice]

I'd be interested to see how the voting fell if there was another category:  "I don't care, if you're my friend, I'll buy you a gift, but I am not going to your first or your 17th baby shower."

I can't be the only one, can I?  I just won't go to them.  What a boring, pastel-y waste of an afternoon.  I don't like showers in general but baby showers are just heinous.  There is something so incredibly off-putting about being expected to eat cute food and ooh and ahh over all the gifts that someone received.

I hate it all but especially the oohing and ahhing over gifts thing.  It's just so - ostentatious and consumeristic.  "Ooh, stuff!  And look, MORE STUFF!"  Even if you adore babies, isn't that like the most boring thing ever?  I don't grudge the gifts but good lord, get a grip ladies.  It's a onesie, or a shoe, or a bib.  There are only so many times a year I can convincingly say "awwww" and I don't want to waste them all in one afternoon.

If you're my friend and I care about you, I'm truly happy for you if you're having a wanted baby.  I'll tell you that, and I'll show you that by my actions.  But one of those actions will not be sitting around in a room pre-worshipping, not even the baby, but the baby's STUFF.

[Twik]

If gifts are not important, don't call it a shower. You mentioned the word "shindig", which is kind of cool. It definitely sounds more fun than a shower. "You're invited to a shindig for mrsbrandt and new baby" would be a nice invitation to get.

Actually, most friends will probably want to give a gift to the baby at some point, without a shower. Aovid mentioning the word "shower", and they won't feel so pressured, though.

[IndianInlaw]

Oh, if they want to throw you a shower, and people want to attend, who's to stop them?

Not me!

[CynthiaBelle]

You didn't have it the first time!! You're entitled to a great wonderful shower if you want one!! =) I think you should call it a Baby Shower, have it, with lots of pink and purple and have a grand time!!

[SunkissableOne]

Some people may view it as tacky...but I say...do what you feel is best.  Since you didn't really have one the first time around I think you should do it this time

[Sharnita]

Celebrate in other ways. Don't call it a shower, don't make it shower like. So you have friends now you didn't have then - that is a gift in and of itself. If the individuals want to give you/baby a gift theywill of their own volition without a formal shower. They are happy for you whether there is a formal gathering to demontrate that or not.

My understanding from your OP was that you did have a belated shower the first time, though belated. I get that it wasn't what you envision but that is they way these things frequently turn out.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Throw my hat into the "dont call it a shower" bin.  It doesnt sound like you want to have a gift grab, but that also doesnt make it necesarily ok to have a second shower (esp. since shower=gift giving event).  It sounds like to DO want to celebrate your position in life, and your new baby, which is great, but a shower is not the appropriate or even the only way to celebrate those milestones.  I think that a "meet the baby", even a few months after the baby is born, would be the best way to go. 

Although, if someone else is throwing the shower, there's not much *you* can really do except tell her you would be uncomfortable/grateful for her kindness, if she tells you about it. 

[fklwmn]

As a former teen mom who knows what it's like to have a baby that NO ONE feels like celebrating... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't feel bad about allowing your friends to throw you this shower.

Call it a get together if you REALLY want... but IMO, it's just not the same as having a 'shower' and I'm not talking about the gifts here. I'm talking about having an event that is specifically catered to celebrating you as a mom and the birth of your new child. A 'get together' might be intended that way, and it MIGHT turn out that way, or it could just as easily turn into a bunch of friends having lunch and not feeling like it's much about the baby at all.

Have your shower, make it your only one (no more for baby # 3!!), and ENJOY IT!!!

[jaxsue]

It's not just teenage moms who feel disappointed in their baby showers. When son #1 was born, I had my one and only baby shower. Because it was in the summer a lot of people were on vacation. So, there were about 6 women at it! Mind you, I had been there for their wedding/baby showers faithfully. To say I was disappointed is an understatement, and there was no baby shower #2.

I'm all for adopting the European practice of having NO showers. I don't like them anymore and send a gift and my regrets.

[Mom2PBJ]

My DD has a DD who will be 2 in March.  She is due to have another baby in mid-June (don't know if boy or girl).  Due to circumstances beyond anybody's control she and her DH no longer have any of the baby items a newborn needs; her friends are giving her a baby shower (and she had three for the first baby - our family, his family, her coworkers).  Plus my son-in-law may or may not be here for the birth as he is getting deployed to Iraq in June - again.  Already spent a year there.  Missed out on the first one, too.  

I don't think it's tacky or etiquette violation to have a second one in cases like this considering the circumstances.  It's very welcome and she was definitely not expecting it but her friends and coworkers want to help her.

[Bob Ducca]

First of all, I'm so excited for you, for many reasons!  Congrats on everything.

Since I read your post before voting, I voted for option 3.  If you were my friend, I would probably be one of the people hosting the party for you, under the circumstances, but I might not call it a shower.  So my opinion really falls in 3-4.  As others before me have said, sometimes we knowingly break the rules of etiquette (and Zip is right, that isn't automatically "tacky") because sometimes etiquette isn't the most important thing.

There will be so many things in your life to celebrate- new baby, college degree for DH, moving to a new place- why not celebrate with your friends before it all happens, when you have a chance to spend a bit of time with them?  If your friends want to host a party or luncheon for you, you shouldn't decline on the grounds that women pregnant with second or subsequent children can't accept any such offer without SEEMING to have a second shower.  And people will bring gifts, whether you call it a shower or not- just as they would have brought or sent you gifts if you didn't have a party at all.  Make it clear that you want a party, not a "shower," but be prepared with gracious thank-yous for the gifts they will bring anyway!

I'm so looking forward to having a second baby- we are hoping I will be able to in a couple of years.  I'm so thrilled for you- let us know what is going on.

[Athos_000]

I voted number 3 - I would be happy to celebrate a new baby. I think my experience with showers has been different from many people on this board. I have never been to one (baby or bridal) that was a giant gimme greed fest. They have always been small, friendly and focused on visiting with guests NOT on gifts. I have never had to play any gross or embarassing games, and the honorees have always been kind, gracious, and thankful.

[Lisbeth]

I think it's never incorrect to hold a party to celebrate the birth of a new child, but whether or not it should be a "shower" depends on whether or not:
1) The child is the first one born to the mother
2) The hostess is an immediate relative or in-law

If either 1 or 2 is the case, don't call the party a "shower."

[jaxsue]

Athos - Consider yourself lucky. You haven't had to "guess what kind of candy bar" is melted into disposable diapers! Yes, it's gross, and just one reason I avoid showers.