Do not wake Momma Bear!

[Marguette]

Even in the grip of rage, you said all the right things and didn't say any of the wrong things. You told him "I am angry with the way you have been behaving and with what you just did", and you told him exactly why it was wrong. You didn't say, "You are an evil kid and we hate you". You told him in specific terms what he should do (stop hurting the other kids and sit down in this chair), and what you were going to do, not "cut it out or you're going to be sorry".

You addressed his behaviour and how it affected you and your kids, instead of insulting him and trying to make him feel like a hopeless case. Your tactics served to address the problem, not to take revenge on him and hurt him back. Your example of respect for his person, even when his behaviour was horrid, may have a positive civilizing effect on him, whether you continue contact with the family or not.

Post-edited to make my point clearer (I hope).

[LadyJaneinMD]

I admire your restraint.  In a case like that, I would have preferred to see him hog-tied and gagged and left alone in a corner of the porch while you visited with the adults and your children played, safely. 
Never again let this future violent offender around your children, at least while he's untied and ungagged. 

[drzim]

Honestly, the only thing you did wrong was not doing anything about it sooner.
I have no tolerance for this sort of thing.  Once is a warning, twice it's time for the offending kid to go home.  After a few "time to go homes" it would become a permanent ban.

My friend had a problem like this with her older DD's friend.  This friend (I'll call her Bully) behaved perfectly fine around older DD, but picked on younger DD (pulling her hair, shoving her, pinching her) whenever she thought no one was looking.  When older DD starting saying things like "Younger sisters are a pain" and "I don't like to play with babies" about her sister my friend wised up and realized not only was Bully picking on younger DD, she was encouraging attacks by older DD on younger DD (her own sister whom she had always gotten along with).

Bully was caught, and sent home.  She was told if you can't play nice with both older and younger DD, you can't come over.   Bully was banned for awhile, then she asked to come over.  Funny how she is now able to behave, because she loves to play at their house and knows she will go home at the drop of a hat if she bothers younger DD.  By the way, Bully and older DD are 6, and younger DD is 4.

[NEDESAPIO]

Orsuela:  The kid you describe sounds exactly like my cousin when he was that age.  Now, as a teenager, he is totally out of control.

[ccnumber4]

I agree with other posters here:  you did the right thing, but it should have been done LONG before it got to this point.  Your kids need to feel that you will protect them when you are able, especially in their own home. 

[orsuela]

More useless info: when VB was a toddler, he constantly bit others.  His father once said to us after VB bit DS1 (who was an even smaller toddler) and DS1 fainted because of the pain, "I guess you'll have to teach (DS1) how to fight back..."  We didn't make contact with them after that for 5 years and have only recently moved back here.  I was (wrongly) hoping it would be different.  He is an only child, and I think they've taught him that he is an equal to them.  Which he shouldn't be, he is a child. (For example: When he has problems with his mom, he calls his dad at work to discuss how to deal with his mother...completely undermining her authority.  They think it's hilarious.)   He seems to enjoy pretending he is much older than he is, and I think the parents like to let him make decisions that are better left for someone more mature.  I know many only children, but this is the first that has been this selfish and--let's face it--a little jerk.  It's probably a good thing he doesn't have smaller siblings to pick on.  Okay, he IS only a child, so I should stop typing about him before I start acting like one! 

[sammycat]

orsuela - RUN, RUN, as fast as you can from these people.  You broke off contact once (good on you!), it seems as though it needs to be cut off again - permanently.  These people are not going to change and this boy is not going to change, and I think he will get even worse as he gets older, and bigger. Mr VB's response to you after junior VB bit your toddler is ridiculous - they shouldn't be encouraging your son to fight back, they should have been teaching their son not to bite.

[Tabris]

MORON: You should teach him to bite back.
YOU: Ah, but at his age, because he's a toddler, *I* fight his battles. Would you like me to punch your son in the face?

**wishful thinking**

BTW, if your sons did fight back and punched VB in the face and knocked him unconscious, would they still think it was great that your kids fought back, and would they say "Our son needs to learn to fight back too!"  Or would they think you had lost your mind to be standing on a chair cheering them on?

[ZipTheWonder]

I think the parents like to let him make decisions that are better left for someone more mature. 

In this family....who would that be?

[Groundsgirl]

I think the parents like to let him make decisions that are better left for someone more mature.

In this family....who would that be?

The dog, perhaps?

I have zero tolerance for this sort of behavior. I don't have children yet but I know that when I do, there isn't a friendship on earth worth allowing my children to be bullied.

[pryncsskittyn]

IMO - You did the right thing in this instance, and it sounds like this child has serious psycological problems that NEED to be addressed.  I'm wondering if this is comming up in school, if it's a constant at your house, there's sure to be an issue at home as well.  I'm a very outspoken person, and in a case such as this I would:
1. Talk to my own children about the dangers of bullying and how to seek out adult help in the situation, the story should be re-told from the victims mouth to the parent of the bullying child if possible.

2. Have an honest to goodness tounge thrashing with the child (as you clearly did)

then lastly:
3. Talk to the parent.  You've spoken timidly to this person, but if she is your friend, and she considers you likewise, than formalities from the public park aren't as necessary.  While parents may not enjoy having their child put down by others, it seems important in this case that the mother know how you feel.  I'd express your concern about how her child is hurting your children, offer your help, suggest formal counseling, be a friend.  If this was my son and I was blind to it, I'd expect someone in my circle to speak up!  I know this can lead to a disaster, but if this woman can't see the issue, and her child isn't welcome in your home, than risking the friendship might be worth it to save the child from lifelong problems.