General Etiquette > Family and Children

Please, We Don't Want Your Hand-me-Downs

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Tagy:
Almost every time my MIL and FIL come to visit (every couple of months or so), they bring DH and I box after box of what I can only politely term as "discards".  Old clothes of my FIL's, waaaaay outdated magazines, knick knacks they found in their attic, etc.  This last visit, the items included a shower curtain, dish towels and one of those fuzzy carpet-like toilet tank covers.  DH's grandmother passed on last year and the inlaws went through her belongings and thought we could use these things.

I've asked DH's brothers' wives if the IL's do this to them, and they both said that they don't.  I honestly have no idea why the ILs give us these things.  I want to believe that they're being honestly generous (in their minds), but this little nagging part of my brain keeps thinking that maybe pawning off their unwanted items on us bit by bit is cheaper than paying to have it hauled away.  And I know that my DH has the reputation of being the "nice, docile one" out of his three brothers. ???

Regardless of their motivation, how can I ask them to no longer bring us these things without being rude about it?

Thanks!

freakyfemme:
I think all you could do without being rude is to maybe "innocently" lament the lack of space in your house because of your OWN old things that you "just can't throw out," and hope they get the hint.

NotCinderell:
Really, I think the best thing for everyone involved would be for you to graciously thank them and then throw the stuff out when they're gone.  Some people can't bear to waste things so badly that they give them to someone else rather than throw them away.  If you don't want it, throw it away.  If you try to explain to them how you don't need it, they'll just browbeat you about how useful the stuff is.

Trust me, they won't come back asking what you did with the fuzzy toilet seat cover.  They just can't bear the guilt of throwing it away themselves.

kareng57:
I'd agree - for the most part they're chickening out.  They just don't want to be the "discarders".

It might be a "choose your battles" situation - if they're loving inlaws for the most part, they might honestly believe that you might get some use out of this stuff.  Sometimes, to keep the peace, it might not be a bad idea to thank them and just toss the stuff later.  But for the really old magazines - I'm not saying that you could sell them for big $$$ on E-bay, but if you're around doctor's /dentist's/fitness clubs, why not ask if they'd mind having some of these old magazines?  Personally, if I was having to kill time in a doctor's office (or on a step-machine in the gym) I'd probably find 35-year-old copies of Chatelaine magazine much more interesting to read than last years' Field And Stream.

You never know - we sort of inherited a tacky-kind of fish-gurgle water pitcher years ago that we've always shown to friends as kind of a joke-item.  It was on this forum that I discovered that it's considered a collectors' item in some circles.

Balletmom:
Mr. Balletmom asked a few years ago, why we were the ones that received all the cr@p stuff from deceased relatives. Broken, ugly, hopelessly out of date--we got it.  My theory is all the good stuf goes to the relatives that must be placated, so the junk goes to the pleasant and well-behaved. Just a theory, of course.

My mother still brings over things like her magazines (good stuff all clipped out, of course) shirts that don't fit her (not my style and they don't fit me, either) and my favorite a month ago--purse with broken zipper. Thanks~!

I just leave it on the kitchen table and say, "thanks for thinking of me." Then it goes straight to the trash can outside. Once I started doing that, I felt much better and had much less resentment. The "stuff" doesn't take up mental or physical space with me anymore.

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