My dilemma actually brings up an interesting question.

[Lexophile]

My new supervisor and I were extremely close friends before she became my supervisor. I have already told her without prompting that by no means would I ever pressure her to tell me anything that would compromise her position of authority, and that I will never use our friendship to try and get her to share confidential things with me about my teammates. There is a new line between us, and I understand that. But does that mean I should stop being friends with her? The rest of my team knows we are close, and only one of them has a problem with it, but it's more grudging sour grapes than anything else. Our friendship has never gotten in the way of her work.

What do you guys think?

[wetblanket]

I think you should keep on being her friend, but expect some changes.  It's really really tough to mix business and friendship.  So, during this period when you have a boss/employee relationship in addition to your friendship, things will be different, perhaps not quite as close.  In time, she won't be your boss anymore (one or both of you will move on to something else at some point) and your friendship will change again.

[kingsrings]

As long as you both totally respect the boundaries of friendship and work relationship and they don't overlap each other, I see no reason why you should stop being friends with her. If anyone else has a problem with the fact that you are good friends as well as work mates, then that's their problem. Neither of you are doing anything that violates workplace etiquette or company policy, so you're in the clear.

[NYGirl100]

I agree that your friendship will change, but it doesn't mean that you should stop being friends with her.  I have to share an experience that I had - not saying that you will do this, but to provide another perspective.  I had worked with these two women who were good friends and all of us know it, and one of them got promoted to be our supervisor.  The other girl made a big show out of the fact that she was good friends with the supervisor, such as talking about their joint plans in front of everyone, leaving together for lunch everyday, leaving together for after-work plans, etc.  So the rest of us started to think that this girl is definitely the supervisor's pet and that they were talking about us behind our backs, and we should be careful what we say around the other girl because we are afraid she would tattle.  Obviously not a good thing.  Yes, up to a point it is your co-workers' problems if they are insecure about your friendships, but also be a little aware of the situation. 

[Lexophile]

I have been so careful about not flaunting my friendship with Maggie. In fact, I know that people in my situation start to get possessive of their friends, and I have consciously, yet subtly, guided my other teammates toward Maggie when they have a problem, question, or otherwise. I make it a habit not to repeat what people say anyway, so that there is nobody here who could say that "You have to be careful what you say around Redleo12." I find it helps me more to be trustworthy anyway because then I know more about what's going on than anybody.

I am trying to be proactive about it because I know it is a sensitive subject right now for one person in particular, and I don't want that person to have any rational reason to badmouth me. She's going to badmouth me anyway, but if I don't give here fodder, she will be ignored for the most part.

[NYGirl100]

I have been so careful about not flaunting my friendship with Maggie. In fact, I know that people in my situation start to get possessive of their friends, and I have consciously, yet subtly, guided my other teammates toward Maggie when they have a problem, question, or otherwise. I make it a habit not to repeat what people say anyway, so that there is nobody here who could say that "You have to be careful what you say around Redleo12." I find it helps me more to be trustworthy anyway because then I know more about what's going on than anybody.

I am trying to be proactive about it because I know it is a sensitive subject right now for one person in particular, and I don't want that person to have any rational reason to badmouth me. She's going to badmouth me anyway, but if I don't give here fodder, she will be ignored for the most part.

Sounds like you're doing great! 

[HogwartsAlum]

I had this situation with a friend when I went to work where she worked, and after our boss left, she became my boss.  Unfortunately, my employment there didn't work out, and our friendship ended, but it was beginning to change long before that.  There was another person there that she was getting close to, and that person eventually became her BFF. 

I think even if I had stayed at that job, we might not have been as close as we were.  She was getting into the culture of the workplace a lot more than I was.  I hope that doesn't happen with your friendship, Redleo, but she might have to be a little distant from time to time just because of her role.  If both of you are okay about keeping the personal relationship separate from the friendship, it might work out just fine. 

[smuflo]

I had to comment on this as I've been on both sides of the equation (been the boss of a friend and had a boss who was a friend).

When my friend Mary was promoted to my boss, things did get a little weird intially.  We had to have many discussions along the way about how we both wanted this to work, and eventually I think it worked out OK.  We are still friends years after our company shut down and laid us both off.

One thing that really worked for us was we both had to agree that sometimes we were going to come to each other as "friends" not as coworkers.  I would periodically walk into her office and say "I need Mary the friend, not Mary the boss."  I would then feel comfortable discussing whatever was frustrating the heck out of me at that point.  She knew when I wanted to talk to "Friend Mary" that I just needed to vent some steam and talk something over with someone, but that I DID NOT want her to "fix" whatever the problem was (as bosses like to do  )   

She would come in and talk to "Friend SMuFLo" in similar situations when she needed to vent some steam or when she just wanted my advice on how to handle people (we had some challenging personalities to deal with).  I knew that any work stuff that came up when I was being "Friend SMuFlo" was tip top secret, and most likely stuff I was not supposed to know, so I never breathed a word of it to anyone.  This last point is important b/c we had a married couple in a different dept and the husband, who was a VP was always telling his wife stuff that someone in her position (a very low-level manager) was not supposed to know.  I'd be in a meeting with her and she'd make some comment about "well shouldn't we wait until next week to sort that out, I hear Mr. X is being fired, so that will change things."   

[MadMadge43]

This actually reminds me of an incident with my father. He was in Federal Law Enforcement and had moved up through the ranks to eventually the top position. After he retired he had a few retirees over for dinner and I remember one of them saying, in my father's house when he was feeding them no less, that "I always thought you were a great guy until you were promoted and then  you changed". Even at the age of 13 I was in shock someone would say something so rude. My father just nodded.

But I also understood that as the boss you have to make some very unpopular decisions for the good of the organization. And there will be many people that used to be your co-workers that won't understand all of the factors that go into decisions.

I think you seem level headed enough to be able to separate the position with the person and I think you'll do just fine maintaining your relationship.

[Tabris]

In public, I would suggest acting continuously professional and polite. No laughing, giggling, etc. The office is Professional Territory, and I would have a discussion with Maggie about not socializing in Professional Territory. I would actually adopt a more formal method and vocabulary  for speaking with her in the office and during meetings. (ie, not "Hey, I have a great idea!" but "I was wondering if we might have an opportunity to suggest some directions for the current project," that kind of thing.)

Senator Edward Kennedy always addressed President John F Kennedy as "Mr. President" when in public. I'm sure that if they met for dinner, he called him Jack or John. Similarly, if you two meet outside of work or chat on the phone at night, be friendly then. But in the office, I would ratchet up the professionalism and always keep things pretty cool and formal.

[Deetee]

I'm agreeing with Tabris.

I will also elaborate a bit. Now that she is your boss, you probebly should keep your friendship under wraps (almost like an affair). It wouldn't be a secret, but no casual observer should know you are friends. So no coffee or lunches with just the two of you (or once a month or however she treats her other coworkers). No discussion of personal lives at work and I think no (or very limited) discussion of work in your personal lives.

I have worked with families a couple times and I found it worked quite well when people treated each other very professionally (The relationships were not a secret, but it took me a few weeks to figure out). In other cases, I was introduced to "my son Fred, the plant manager" and things were not as professional and that was not a good place to work (for many reasons).

[MineralDiva]

I'm friends with the entire Board of Directors, where I work now.  But there are still certain things/decisions that I should not be privy to, as the Office Manager...until they choose to tell me.