General Etiquette > Life...in general

To Invite or Not to Invite? What would you do?

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Jen15210:
My friend and I were pregnant, I was due in December, she was due in January.  I gave birth to a baby boy and her baby girl was passed away during an emergency c-section earlier this month.  I sent a sympathy card as soon as I heard the news, but we have not spoke.  I am having my baby baptized next month and do not know how she would take an invitation to his baptism.  I don't know what to do, has this happened to any of you?  What would you do?

Sharnita:
If she were a really good/close friend I might contact her mom/hubby/sis someon and ask what they thought. Otherwise I don't think I'd invite.

ZipTheWonder:
I would informalize this invitation by calling her and telling her that you want her to feel included if she is up to attending the baptism, but if she is not, you understand what a sensitive time this is for her and will keep her and her family in your prayers.  If you have her email address, you can informalize it even further, so that she doesn't have to have an emotional telephone conversation just now.

My sense is that she is probably still much too raw to attend an infant's baptism, but that is something only she really knows.

miranova:
That is really really hard.  However, I wouldn't assume that she doesn't want an invitation.  She might take that to mean that you think that the two of you can't be friends now that she lost her baby.  How about calling her personally?  If she is close enough to invite to the baptism, then surely she is close enough to you for you to call and say "I would like to invite you to baby's baptism, but please know that I would completely understand if it would be too difficult for you to attend."  Then ALSO offer to visit with her another time.  She could probably use the friendship right now.  That way you are still including her, and the choice is up to her.  Otherwise, it's kind of like you are adding insult to injury by not including her.  

melodrama:
Call your friend, just to chat.  Don't bring up your son or her daughter.  Just ask how she's doing and be her friend.  I wouldn't bring up the baptism at all, unless she thinks to ask when you're having it.  If it's clear that she's not up to talking, then you'll have to respect that for a while.  

If, after a couple of chats, she seems receptive to hearing you talk about your son, mention the baptism and say that you'd love for her to be there, but you understand if it would be too painful.

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