Need advice on how to handle this

[Evil Duckie]

.

[goblue2539]

Is she a close enough friend for you to mention how great it was for her to offer that to you, and you're glad she has so many good memories of it... But...you actually found a couple holes in it.  So, since she has so many memories of camping with her family, would she like it back?  Or would she like you to dispose of it? 

[EddiesMom]

Could you politely ask her to come over and show you how to set the tent up, since she's done it before?  While setting it up, she might notice the condition it is in.  

[melodrama]

If you don't use the tent will you be renting a cabin with her (eek!) or using other camping equipment?

If you have the means to get a different tent, I would just go about setting up your stuff when you get to the campsite.  Then, when she asks where her tent is say "You know, when we were airing out the tent before we packed it up in the car we noticed a couple of holes in it.  We were really bummed that we couldn't use that great old tent, but we got this one at Target (or from our neighbor Bob or whatever) on the drive up, and it looks pretty weather resistant"

IF however, she is going to continue babbling on about her wonderful old tent every moment from now until your trip, you might mention the holes a bit sooner.  It might embarrass her a bit, if it's brought up in a crowd, but there's no point in letting her go on and on about it either.

[Chocolate Cake]

Goblue and Mello hit the nail on the head.   She probably hasn't used the tent personally in a long, long time and may not have realized that it has holes.  Of all the problems with it (smelly, heavy, etc.), that one is your "ace in the hole".  No one wants to stay in a tent that leaks rain or allows in bugs. 

Mention it to her with a sorrowful face and then offer to give it back.

[Suze]

if it is that old you could tell her that you tried to wash 40+ years of dirt off of it and it fell apart.

which really could happen - nothing lasts forever.

or that you tried to put it up and it is too heavy for you to handle (which sounds like it is)

or that you can't fit the beast in the car

or tell her the truth - You don't want to mess with the thing (nicely of course)

besides if she is going camping with you --Why is she giving YOU all HER old camping stuff?  Shouldn't she be the one using it?

[Deetee]

Before you go camping, a good thing to do is set up the tent and then turn a hose (in strong mist-spray setting) to simulate a rain storm. This is a good idea any time you are going to use equipment that hasn't been used for a while. (Better to find out in the back yard, than in a rain storm)

Saying that "it leaked badly" when you tried this somehow seems less like you are scornful of her tent than "It was old and smelly and had holes".

[Evil Duckie]

.

[IndianInlaw]

That's good that her husband is doing the actual disposing.

It absolves you.

[goblue2539]

That's good that her husband is doing the actual disposing.

It absolves you.

It also gives you an ally if she finds out the wrong way. 

[willow08]

My mom has a tendency to do this with stuff that belonged to her mother. The husband was really doing you a favor by taking the burden of disposal off of you. It would be considerate if you did something nice for him, like making up some special trail mix or getting a neat pocket knife for him.

[Suze]

I tried to call friend instead got her husband. I told him what I wanted to talk to her about.

His advice was throw it out and if she asks about it tell her it was the wrong size for us. He tried to throw it out last time they used is because it had holes, was heavy, dirty and yes it leaks. She however has rose colored glasses about that tent because her father gave it to her thus making it the perfect tent that is always in perfect shape. Nothing anyone says or shows her will make any difference. She decided when she was invited to join the group for the trip that she wanted one of the families to use it and love it like she does.

maybe the husband should set the thing up at your camping event and make her sleep in it.  and "provide" a rain storm.

I bet after getting soaked she would change her mind about the "perfect tent"

However having him come and get rid of it for you is a great solution.  Nice man.

I like your "high maintance" idea of camping, sounds like any SCA campground.  I have seen people bring queen size beds with real mattresses (not air) and that is for a weekend - I have been told that is nothing compared to a 2 week event.