General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

Should I Give at the Office?

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Tagy:
A coworker recently circulated an e mail around the office suggesting that everyone pitch in to buy a gift card for the woman who runs our mailroom, a single mother of three who is not terribly well paid.  Coworker (who is this woman's boss) mentioned in the e mail that the mailroom lady has been having a difficult time financially and would not be able to provide gifts for her children this holiday season without some help.

I don't make much more than the mailroom lady, but I wanted to pitch in because she really is a lovely lady.  Then today, I happened to sit with this woman at lunch and heard her telling our dining companions about the laptop computer she just bought herself and mentioning how her cell phone bill was almost nine hundred dollars for the third month in a row and the new stereo she ordered for her car.  All this in one conversation!

Am I being mean and small because I no longer feel like I want to help her out?  Should I make a token donation and forget about it?

Betsy:
On one hand I have to play office politics and say that yes you should give a token amount b/c then noone will have a reason to point you out.

On the other hand I hate people who cant manage their money. I mean really... I had a cell phone bill top $100 once and its never topped it again... what does a person possibly do to make it $900?!

Personally I would put a couple dollars in to make nice to the people who you do care about and respect in your office and just leave it at that. Maybe she was exagerating about what shes bought.

ShadesOfGrey:
I dont think you are mean or small in this instance.  You wanted to give based on the idea that she was in financial hardship (an idea you got from a secondary source), but then you found evidence (direct evidence) that she wasnt actually in financial hardship, so your giving isnt really necessary anymore.  I dont consider that mean or small. 

As an aside - I personally dont believe in giving "charity" to co-workers for various reasons.  It brings everyone's personal situation into the office arena, and is REALLY subjective (eg - someone said she was in financial hardship, then she complains about over two thousand dollas of luxury expenses, sounds a little fishy to me).  Personally, I wouldnt want people discussing my financial situation and taking a donation for me.  Even if you come from an office where this is accepted behavior, your giving in only up to YOU. 

Chocolate Cake:
Nope, don't give.  Anybody who whines about not having money for her kid's Christmas gifts and in the next breath talks about the laptop she just bought isn't a true charity case.   

If I were you, I would quietly mentioned what you overheard to the co-worker who is coordinating the fund drive so she can save her efforts for someone with real needs.

kingsrings:

--- Quote from: rdge on December 07, 2006, 08:06:15 AM ---I dont think you are mean or small in this instance.  You wanted to give based on the idea that she was in financial hardship (an idea you got from a secondary source), but then you found evidence (direct evidence) that she wasnt actually in financial hardship, so your giving isnt really necessary anymore.  I dont consider that mean or small. 

As an aside - I personally dont believe in giving "charity" to co-workers for various reasons.  It brings everyone's personal situation into the office arena, and is REALLY subjective (eg - someone said she was in financial hardship, then she complains about over two thousand dollas of luxury expenses, sounds a little fishy to me).  Personally, I wouldnt want people discussing my financial situation and taking a donation for me.  Even if you come from an office where this is accepted behavior, your giving in only up to YOU. 

--- End quote ---

Agree with you. Many people in an office environment would not want their private life and personal problems broadcast and discussed throughout the whole office. If I were in that situation, I would be absolutely mortified and humiliated to be looked at as the poor, pitiful one.

That woman reminds me of the mother of one of my childhood friends. They were always involved in stuff like the free school lunch program and free holiday dinner giveaways. Yet the mom seemed to be able to cough up enough cash to buy a VCR (this was back in the early 80's, when they were very expensive) and other nicetities.
The problem wasn't them being poor, she just didn't care enough about her kids to provide for them.

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