Gift etiquette after break up

[S Byers]

I have a dilemma to solve.  I had been seeing a man platonically for a few years.  We had dated once, but it just wasn't there for me.  We managed to remain friends.  The last few weeks, we had been seeing a lot more of each other and feeling closer.  He gave me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday and 2 days later asked if I was attracted to him physically.  I was truthful and said I was not.  This absolutely crushed him.  We have not spoke since.  I know the earrings were expensive and I want to try to return them to the store so that he can can credit for them.  I am worried that this will feel like being rejected all over again when he finds out what I did.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Rose2Bear]

Perhaps you should ask him if he meant for the earrings to be a romantically inclined gift. Though it may be awkward, it is necessary to discuss this. If he still wants you to have the earrings with platonic reasons he will tell you, but if he is hurt and would rather take them back, then it would be easier if you gave him the opportunity to do so with out having to look like a "jerk" by brining it up the topic first. Its a lot easier for you to bring up than for him to say "uhhh about those earrings."

This conversation will also give you the chance to discuss how you see things for the future, which would probably be beneficial.

[Verruca]

You can fall back on the etiquette rule that a lady does not accept jewelry from a gentleman to whom she is neither engaged nor married, if you like.

Okay, maybe not.    I would mail them back to him (insured, of course) with a note that says something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can't possibly accept these after the way I hurt your feelings the other day.  I'm so sorry and I hope that you will find someone who deserves them more than I do. [That is, deserves them by returning his romantic feelings.]  I understand that you may not want to speak to me for a while.  Please know that if you ever feel ready to resume our friendship, I'll be glad to hear from you again."

Unfortunately you may have to let go of this friendship for a while.  I'm sorry about this - it's a hard situation to be in.

[Bijou]

I have a dilemma to solve.  I had been seeing a man platonically for a few years.  We had dated once, but it just wasn't there for me.  We managed to remain friends.  The last few weeks, we had been seeing a lot more of each other and feeling closer.  He gave me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday and 2 days later asked if I was attracted to him physically.  I was truthful and said I was not.  This absolutely crushed him.  We have not spoke since.  I know the earrings were expensive and I want to try to return them to the store so that he can can credit for them.  I am worried that this will feel like being rejected all over again when he finds out what I did.  Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Interesting that you refer to a 'break up'.  I thought, according to the title of the thread, that you were talking about a boyfriend and not a platonic friend.  So, I wonder if he somehow had the idea that the two of you were a couple.  In that case you may want to return the gift or at least offer them back to him.  If there is no way he could have had that idea, I would let it go and accept the gift in the spirit it was given, friend to friend.  

[Deetee]

with a note that says something along the lines of, "Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I can't possibly accept these after the way I hurt your feelings the other day.  I'm so sorry and I hope that you will find someone who deserves them more than I do. [That is, deserves them by returning his romantic feelings.]  I understand that you may not want to speak to me for a while.  Please know that if you ever feel ready to resume our friendship, I'll be glad to hear from you again."

I think that's a beautiful way to put a very difficult situation. Maybe add a sentence about how much you have appreciated his friendship over the years.

[S Byers]

thank you all so very much for the imput.  You are so right, Jeaniuskc, I did label the thread oddly for the situation.  I guess because that is what it felt like even though we weren't a couple.