Author Topic: Establishing "pecking order"?  (Read 1821 times)

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Groundsgirl

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Establishing "pecking order"?
« on: January 19, 2007, 02:40:00 AM »
Have you ever had a work situation like this before? ???

I was thinking about this recently while watching a program on social structures in animal populations. This particular situation happened a few years ago but I still wonder a bit about it. I apologize for the length.

A few years ago I was working in a classroom with a couple younger women (I was 25 at the time and they were 19 and 21 respectively). We were all instructional aides. We had the same training, same job description, same rate of pay, etc.

Part of our job could be considered unpleasant. We worked with a student population that are often not potty trained at 5 or 6 and so they need to be changed from time to time. It is icky, yes. But it has to be done. In addition to that, we had a strict schedule that had to be followed during the day. This schedule depended on weather and so when it was rainy, had to be adjusted accordingly.

At any rate, I set up the schedules for the day following the normal pattern. Another staff member who I shall call "Lila" got snippy about the schedule. She felt that the order of activities should have been done a different way. I told her that this was the standard way it was set up and if she had a problem with it, she could take it up with our supervisor.

She spent the rest of the day snarking at me at every turn. Lila whinged and kvetched about having to do diapers. She complained about how put upon she was for this, that, and the other thing. She and I were scheduled to do diaper duty and she was nowhere in sight. I did the best I could on my own but I was fast losing my temper with her primadonna act.  Everything was a grand tragedy and I was tired of picking up her slack. This isn't a job that you can let things go undone either. I had had enough at that point. I announced that I would NOT be changing 15 five year olds by myself EVER again and that she needed to get over there and help. She made yet another rude comment.

So I laid into her. I told her that she needed to knock it off and grow up. Everyone here had to work and she was no exception. If she didn't like it, well, then don't let the door hit you on the way out. It was NOT fair to everyone else that she squicked out on work and then complained incessantly about it. I was sick and tired of it.

Granted, this was not my finest hour. Looking back there was much I could have done to alleviate the situation without resorting to chewing her head off.

But the strangest thing happened after that day. I came into work the next day to find that she had brewed a pot of coffee. She greeted me with a smile and said, "Hi! I made everyone some coffee. Here are the mugs and there is some flavored creamer in the fridge." After that day, we got along beautifully and she was never snarky or complain-y about work again.

Has anyone encountered this before?

RoseRose

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2007, 02:44:58 AM »
If she was the 19 year old, she might still have been adolescent... and from what I've learned working with elementary schoolers, they respect you if you set limits with them.  Maybe she was just a very young-minded person, and once you set the limits, she respected you?



sammycat

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2007, 02:51:04 AM »
It sounds as though you gave her a much needed kick up the pants, so I wouldn't be so hard on yourself.  ;) If she knew the job description included changing dirty nappies (diapers) then she had no reason to whinge about it refuse to do it.  I'm not sure there are many people who would enjoy changing a 5 year old but it was her job and she should have just gotten on with it.

FoxPaws

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2007, 04:31:23 AM »
You may have shocked her into submission by pointing out a simple fact:

She was expendable.

You know, a person can whine, cry, be a brat, etc. all the way through High School and unless their activities are out-and-out criminal, they can't be kicked out. College and the working world are different - if somebody isn't with the program, they can be shown the door. This may have been the first time she really grasped that concept.

It's also possible that she complained to someone - your supervisor, her mother, a roomate - and they took your side and set her straight.

Whatever it was - it worked.  :) And while I can't think of any specific examples right now - I do know of several people/babies/bullies who settled down once they were shown some teeth.
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SunkissableOne

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2007, 08:46:53 AM »
I had a similar situation.  I work at a summer (day) camp every summer and have been for several years now.  This girl would constantly leave work without doing her cleaning duties.  She also told me she did XYZ when in truth she did not and I would have to stay later than I was scheduled to cover for her.  I finally had it one day when I had to go up and work with the younger kids (under 5) at the daycare and one of my coworkers called to ask me a question since I am senior staff and do most of the camp planning.  I said I left the lesson plans in X place.  Well then said coworker chimed in and mention queen slacker was letting the kids go wild.  I got her on the phone and tore her up one side and down the other.  After that I never had to "double check" her work or ask her to do things.  She just did it.  I'm thinking your coworker is probably trying to be on your good side now because of your reaction to her slaking.  She was probably worried you might tell your boss and she'll get in trouble.

alohomora

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2007, 10:16:33 AM »
I agree with the previous posters that she was probably afraid that you would tell your boss and she would get in trouble.  She probably also realized that you were not going to take her crap anymore.   :)

However, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, there's no way I would have had any of that coffee or creamer that she provided the next day.  If she's as immature as she sounds, I would not put revenge past her.  I would also keep a close eye on her.  People don't grow up in a day and while she may have decided to put on her best face at work and behave, there may be a second face that she's now hiding and she may just resort to be sneaky and underhanded.   

housewife2k

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2007, 10:39:15 AM »
You were the older woman. In my experience, if all people involved in a situation have the same experience, duties, etc...The oldest generally becomes the "Leader". Lila might have thought that she could "usurp: your supposed leadership, found out otherwise, and fell into place to avoid trouble. I've seen it happen in workplaces, in highschool cliques, in friend groups.

daybarb

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2007, 10:48:11 AM »
This is along the same line, just not at work:

We lived in a small apartment complex.  One of the maintenance men was very rude, especially about telling tenants it was time to move our cars for the snow plows.  One day I had enough of his snarling.  I reminded him that DH had taken the car to work already, then I slammed the door in his face.  The next day when I saw him in the yard, he was all "Hi, how ya doing,nice day ain't it. . ." So I was pleasant in return.  The next snowy day, he knocked on the door, and when he saw me he blinked, and said "umm, you aren't the one with the Monte Carlo, are you?"  I smiled and told him who owned it.  He was always nice to me after the door slamming incident.

caranfin

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2007, 11:04:02 AM »
It's also possible that she complained to someone - your supervisor, her mother, a roomate - and they took your side and set her straight.
That's what I think. Not only set her straight, but pointed out that she should suck up and be extra nice for a while.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

Groundsgirl

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Re: Establishing "pecking order"?
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2007, 02:19:44 PM »
It's also possible that she complained to someone - your supervisor, her mother, a roomate - and they took your side and set her straight.
That's what I think. Not only set her straight, but pointed out that she should suck up and be extra nice for a while.
That could very well be it. I never brought it up again as the problem was solved and she was wonderful to work with the rest of the time I worked there.