Do all teenagers whine this much?

[Lunadiana75]

As some of you may remember I am teaching a drama class at one of the highschools at my site (Reminder, I am a Peace Corps volunteer in Romania).  It meets once a week for two hours (I would like to meet more often, but its not possible). The class itself is going beautifully I have a group of really talented and enthusiastic kids I work with, time and again the exceed the high standards I hold them to. 

There's just one little thing that is absolutely on my LAST nerve.  The endless whining. "But that's not faaaaaaaiiiiiiiirrrrrr"  "But I don't want to do this"  "That rule is stupid"  "But, but, but, but *insert lame excuse here".  When I was growing up, and when I went to school, whining was absolutely not tolerated.  In fact, it was the fastest way to get into even more trouble than you were already in and a great way to get privleges promptly taken away.  As a result, I have zero tolerance for any form of whining.  I have even dumped friends because all they did was whine and complain.   

I have never worked with kids before, so this is all new ground for me.  The kids don't whine near as much as they did when we started, but it's still too much.  I have tried explaining, I have tried humor, now I am close to blowing my top, which I don't want to do.  I do not want to lose control of my temper. 

So two questions.  Is this normal?  How do I handle it calmly?

[Evalieutions]

It is normal because the adults around them have allowed it to continue.  Let them know that you have a zero whine tolerance policy.  Then when they whine, DO NOT RESPOND in any way. My boys have come home on occasion and tried to get away with whining.  I just look at them blankly as though they have not said anything.  I also teach a middle school extra curricular club, and did the same thing there.  It took a little longer there, but did work.

[Verruca]

I can't believe that teenagers have to be TAUGHT drama - they're so good at it on their own!   

Seriously, I don't think that whining is normal behavior past, say, age 11 - and even then, many parents are able to make it stop well before that.  I agree with Evalieutions that they're whining because they've been allowed to.

I would go with Evalieutions approach - lay down the ground rules - "If you use that tone of voice, I will not respond to you" - then do it.

Re: the actual complaining, that is, the substance of the whining rather than the tone, maybe you can set other ground rules - "I'm the teacher.  If you would like to discuss something with me, I'm more than happy to do that - but I have the final say in the matter."  That's assuming that you want to deal with that separately - I think that the blank look would work with complaining, too.

[Chocolate Cake]

It seems that teens are the same the world over!

You can choose to not respond.

You can choose to implement a demerit system whereby "bad things" will happen to teens who whine  "x" number of times, such as they will have to sit out a class.  Be sure to explain the system thoroughly ahead of time to the class and to their parents.

If you become sweetly drachonian, they'll catch on.

[bopper]

Yes, it's normal.  Teens are starting to assert their independence.

But when they whine "It's not fair", then you say, "Nevertheless, you must do <whatever>...."
or you could ask to try again to ask for what they want in a non-whiny way.

[Twik]

It's not whining, it's demanding justice! 

Sorry, I was channelling my 16-year-old self there for a minute.

[Denise]

If it makes you feel any better, my neighbor teaches college courses. Yes, COLLEGE. She gets the same treatment there. Oh--did I mention that she's teaching America's future TEACHERS?! 

[ccnumber4]

Something I use with my students (of all ages) is to interrupt them and say "You aren't WHINING are you?"  They will almost always say "No" and then restate their question or comment in normal tones. 

Something about being identified as a whiner in front of their friends does the trick. 

[Lunadiana75]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I'll try them and hopefully get some better results.

Most the time I adore my kids, except when they started acting like toddlers who've just been told no.

[Yarnspinner]

Oh, yeah.

I feel ya, Lunadiana.

My favorite whine goes "But Miss, that's messed up!  You here to serve the public, not stop us [insert bad behavior here]".  I always like that it's part of my job to listen to them complain about simple rules you should be following in ANY part of polite society.

And, seeing as a lot of parents whine at us as well ("Wooooon't you heeeelllllpppp
little Juliusssssss?  He doesn't write weeeeelllll and I'm sure YOOOOUUUUUU could do soooooooo much better!")  Yes, well, Lady, I don't have kids, but I suspect I could parent better than you, too.

[Oxymoroness]

So two questions.  Is this normal?  How do I handle it calmly?

Oh yes, it's normal. You've already recieved a few good ideas, so may I throw in a few for fun?

1. Whine back, but do it better. (Remember the "Whiners" on SNL?)

2. Offer lessons and tips on proper whining with the promise that once that is mastered you'll show them how to really throw a tantrum.

3. Respond, "Sure, but only after your nap time. Would you like your binky?"

4. Make them run laps around the theater. One for every word in that sentence. (I had a drama coach who took that approach for every infraction. He was also the track coach.  )

For the particular whine, "It's not fair." (my personal favorite)

1. Ponder the thought for a moment then say, "Why yes, I do believe you're right." Then continue on with business as usual.

2. Act surprised, shocked even.

3. "I know, isn't it great!"

[Lunadiana75]

Over the summer I did a GLOW (Girls Leading Our World an education/empowerment camp for young women. Amazing experience) camp with three other volunteers who are good friends of mine.  Oy vey!  The whining!  We nicknamed the camp "GLOW Camp 2006...IT'S NOT FAAAAIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR".  

By the third day of the camp we were all so fed up with it we started openly mocking them when they whined.  We would mimick them in the most annoying voice possible "It's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair" and end with "Life's not fair kid" (I started that one, one the best lessons my parents ever taught me).  We even started mocking them in Romanian "Nu Dreapte, Nu Dreapte".  

By the end of the week the girls would start to whine, then get annoyed looks and mumble "I know, life's not fair" and stomp off.  At the end of week, when all posed for a group shot I yelled "Alright everyone say, It's not fair!"  The girls all laughed hysterically.  

[ellasaunt]

As a youth worker, I can assure you that in this day and age it is perfectly normal.  Horribly annoying, but normal.  It gets worse the larger number of people are there - I am really beginning to think it is an attention getting device.

My advice, set ground rules, no whining at the top of the list, or very near it.  It may or may not work, but at least the teenagers you work with will get the message that it is unacceptable to you.

[goblue2539]

Yes, it's normal.  And I think you've got some great ideas. 

My mom's comeback was along some of these lines.  "I'm sorry, I can't help.  I can't understand what you're saying in that tone of voice." 

And there's the fact that your job isn't to be "fair".  Of course, you could always write the definition of fair on the board (if you have one) and then point out that nowhere in the definition does it say that fair= students getting their way.

[Slartibartfast]

I cut it off when the teenagers in my library whine at me.  I try very hard to have clear, concise rules governing computer use, so I can just repeat the rules over and over again if necessary. They all know it, and eventually their friends drag them off (or they learn not to whine.)

Teen: But Miss Slartibart, WHY can't I get on MySpace?
Me:  The computers are for homework or research only right now.
Teen:  But nobody's OOONNNN them!  PLEEEEEEASE?
Me:  The computers are for homework or research only right now.  You may get on Myspace before 3:30, after 6:00, or on weekends, but not right now.
Teen:  But I'm at school before 3:30!  Can't I get on MySpace now?
Me:  Myspace is not homework or research, so you may not get on MySpace now.  The computers are for homework or research only until 6:00.

Repeat ad nauseum.