Social Norms

[cass2591]

I get uncomfortable when these type of "experiments" are done at the expense of others. The waiter ended up being the butt of the joke, as the OP said they all had a good laugh afterward. However, if the OP and her BF had explained to the waiter (after the fact) what they were doing and why, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but if he'd been let in on the joke it would take the sting out of it, at least for me.

And he would still have a good story.

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

How can someone not find the parrot sketch funny?  That is the funniest Monty Python sketch ever!  "Hello, hello Polly! Polly! Hello!"

"This parrot wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised."

The second-funniest sketch is the Ministry of Silly Walks. I nearly wet myself from laughing the first time I saw it!

[fklwmn]

I get uncomfortable when these type of "experiments" are done at the expense of others. The waiter ended up being the butt of the joke, as the OP said they all had a good laugh afterward. However, if the OP and her BF had explained to the waiter (after the fact) what they were doing and why, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, but if he'd been let in on the joke it would take the sting out of it, at least for me.

And he would still have a good story.

ummm... IMO, the waiter was not the butt of the joke, OP and her boyfriend made THEMSELVES the butt of the joke. But in order to get that, I guess you have to laugh @ yourself pretty easily. In any case, letting the waiter in on the joke would kind of defeated the purpose of the experiment.

Kind of seems to me like OP and her bf were laughing @ themselves as well as the reactions they generated. The waiter, and probably 1/2 the restaurant will be laughing at them for a month. Who seems like the butt of the joke now?

[cass2591]

I said after the fact, meaning returning to the restaurant to explain.

[Twik]

Indeed, I recall when I was in school, that all participants in an experiment that had not given full consent had to be fully briefed afterwards. That was in those days considered the only ethical, as well as polite, way to do things.

[MelJill]

Indeed, I recall when I was in school, that all participants in an experiment that had not given full consent had to be fully briefed afterwards. That was in those days considered the only ethical, as well as polite, way to do things.

Bingo!  I think you nailed my objection to these 'violating social norm experiments' ... I really cannot see why it would affect things/sully the data to debrief the other people after the observations were made.

[CrayonOutlines]

1) I agree with debriefing, as it's considered the ethical thing to do.  In fact, I thought I'd read at the end where your BF and you went back in and told the waiter what was going on.  However,

2) I don't think there was any harm done and you've given your waiter a great story to tell for years to come!

3) Good job on thinking of a social norm to violate!  I would've probably done something boring like continuing to face the back of the elevator instead of turning around.

[Pixie]

How can someone not find the parrot sketch funny?  That is the funniest Monty Python sketch ever!  "Hello, hello Polly! Polly! Hello!"

"This parrot wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised."

The second-funniest sketch is the Ministry of Silly Walks. I nearly wet myself from laughing the first time I saw it!

Yeah well.... I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. But I don't like spam.

[Adah]

I find the issue of social norms fascinating, particularly when one witnesses the breaking of them occurring naturally and not tied to a deliberate school experiment. What is even *more* fascinating is interacting with people who know they are breaking social norms and then witnessing them become aggitated by the response they receive.

For example, a woman I know who is a militant childfree person -- she does not hide her disgust for children -- decided not to acknowledge the first year birthdays of her two new nieces, who were born the same month to two of her siblings. These two children were the first grandchildren in the family and the entire family was over the moon regarding their arrival -- except for this woman, who is in her mid-40s. (Turns out, she was extremely jealous of the attention being lavished on them by her parents, the new grandparents.) The woman declined to attend one baby's first birthday party (only one in driving distance) and didn't acknowledge either with so much as a card. No phone call to her siblings. Nothing.

Her actions -- her breaking of her familial social norms -- resulted in several relatives (both siblings and their spouses as well as her parents) becoming very hurt by her actions. Finally, her mother confronted her, which elevated the entire situation to a new level. This woman still harbors anger toward everyone regarding this situation, now three years in the past.

For me, these are the most fascinating instances of the breaking of social norms. So much of the miscommunication in this world is tied people behaving in a manner that conflicts with another's social norms.

[HogwartsAlum]

One of my favorite things to do when I was younger *cough cough* was to wave to people in passing cars (when I was a passenger, of course, not while driving) and see who waved back.

Hee hee...one time my sister, brother and I did that on the way back from a trip to Silver Dollar City [Ozarks theme park].  My mom usually brought a supply of toys and colorbooks and crayons when we traveled, because having three kids in the backseat with nothing to do was just too much.

We waved.  People waved back.  We did the thing where you yank the horn at a truck driver, and they honk at you.  We had a large Mr Potato Head, and we put on just his eyes, the smiley mouth turned upside down and his shoes, so he looked as if he were bald, naked and crying.  We waved it in circles at the people behind us, who were laughing.  Then we started making signs out of the blank pages in the back of the colorbooks that said things like "Help us, we're kidnapped," etc.  THAT was when my mother put a stern stop to it. 

I'm sure the people behind us enjoyed it.

[Lunadiana75]

A site mate of mine hosted a huge Thanksgiving dinner (attended by mostly Romanians) to introduce friends and colleagues of ours to the idea of Thanksgiving. 

During the dinner, my friend M and I started joking around how huge family fights are part of the "tradition" in America (especially in my family) and started a fake fight between so I would feel "at home" (snicker). We got so into the improv that we didn't notice our voices were getting louder and everyone had turned to gawk at us.  We giggled, blushed and promptly remembered we had to be elsewhere, at that moment. 

[mbbored]

This particular experiment was definitely not planned, but we enjoyed it, and entertained a large crowd at the same time, without hurting anybody.

While in college, my boyfriend and I were at brunch one Sunday in the main dining hall, rehashing the previous night's formal, in particular, we were discussing the couple who left the room, only to have a loud argument beneath the open windows of said room.  They frequently had blow-up fights in public, and we wondered if perhaps they got a thrill out of it.  So, in the middle of brunch, I scream "I can't believe you slept with her!"  Dear BF picks up the cue and goes with it.  "I wouldn't have if you hadn't left early!"  We went on and on for 20 minutes.  People started to crowd around us.  They took pictures, called their friends to come see the drama.  They reacted to our fight "Hit him!"  "Ooh, I can't believe you let her say that to you!"  "Go on, Girl!"  We left the hall screaming, and people seriously followed us outside.  I ran across the quad into the dorm, and when we shut the door behind us, people booed.

I figured people would stare and point, but their participation amazed me.  Even snobby college students enjoy a good fight, apparently.

[Chartreuse]

Then again, my friends and I dress as Jedi and Sith and go out, just because we can and to see the reactions.  And yes, we're all adults with real jobs and lives.  But for us, it is fun. 

Quick OT question:  "Rebel Legion" members?   

[melodrama]

Some of my favorite social expiriments in college weren't done for class at all.  I took a theatrical make up class, and my friends and I often walked back to our dorms after class without removing our makeup.  Since the makeup was sometimes pretty intensive, it was just easier to do it in the big dorm bathrooms then cram all of us into the small dressing room bathrooms.  It was great to watch people decide if they wanted to say something to us girls with fake beards glued to our faces...or just stare as we walked by.  The best by far was blood and guts day.  I'm sure the pack of us looked like we'd had an especially rough hockey pracice or been collectively mugged.

[MerryRaven]

Work in a library.  You will see violations of social norms every day.

I seem to violate a lot of them.  I do not send greeting cards for Christmas or anything.

For two years I had a fake tree with leaves (not needles) with fake apples for decorations and red lights for my Christmas tree.

I do not insist that my extended family get together for holidays or other special occasions.  If we can happen to get together it is a party.  If we can't we party on our own.

In my community, neither my DH or I hunt or fish.  We do not own a boat or an RV or an off road vehicle of any kind. 

We do not drink socially.  (We have a glass of wine occasionally at home).

We smoke (that really violates a social norm these days).

I could go on.  These are not tricks or jokes.  This is who we are.

And we are both thinking of getting tattoos.  At our age, that is breaking a social norm around here.