Author Topic: Wow.  (Read 11252 times)

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Akarui Kibuno

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2007, 04:21:38 PM »
Truth be told, I posted with only what I read in the articles as the source.

I'm still a bit torn. I mean, even if the brother had not been the best brother, I would have donated, provided of my own health, of course (that goes without saying). Thing is, if I rely on those articles for my understanding of the situation, I can only say the sister was pretty selfish to act like she did. And the fact that the mother sided with her doesn't really tell much: some families can be quite toxic!

Now, of course, if it was in the situation like in that letter with the woman needing a kidney who had destroyed it by herself, then I admit, I would NOT donate. As painful as it would be, I would NOT save someone who could not guarantee 100 % that the kidney would be put to good use. For example, my father could ask me for a kidney and I'd laugh in his face. My mom, I could give her a lung if she needed one.
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Vegemite Girl

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2007, 04:32:29 PM »
Bone marrow donation is now a fairly painless procedure and very easy, these days. Not like it used to be. While I can understand electing not to donate a kidney, or part of a liver, not donating bone marrow seems somehow vicious. I cannot think of another side of the story that would make anyone out to be anything, other than a vindictive person. Even with an extreme fear of needles, which I have.

Although, this does give me an idea for a new short story...

I can think of plenty of reasons not to donate. Incest and physical abuse are the top 2 that come to mind...

I'm not saying any of those apply in this case. But labeling someone vicious for refusing is IMO over the top.

DeliaD

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #17 on: November 07, 2007, 04:47:53 PM »
I can think of plenty of reasons not to donate. Incest and physical abuse are the top 2 that come to mind...

I'm not saying any of those apply in this case. But labeling someone vicious for refusing is IMO over the top.

Thank you, I was thinking the same thing.

We don't know the sister's side of the story.  The article say that her children and her brother's children play together, but that does not mean that the sister and brother have a good relationship themselves.  Or even that the children do, in fact, play together, as the article claims.

To me the fact that bone marrow donation is relatively low risk suggests that the sister may have ulterior motives for refusing to do so.  If those motives had been health-based, I think she would have been more likely to disclose them.  The fact that she has given no reason, suggests to me that the motives are personal.

For people who have good (or at least neutral) relationships with their siblings, this may be hard to understand.  But the relationship between these two siblings may be toxic and/or complex in a way that is painful for the sister.

MiladyOak

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #18 on: November 07, 2007, 05:48:47 PM »
My mother and I don't always have the best relationship. To be honest, the kindest way to describe my childhood would be tempestuous. But in a few years she is getting on of my kidneys, and a portion of my liver if needed. No hesitation.

I really don't care what her reasons are. To me, that woman is dispicable. Unless her brother ate her firstborn or has a higher body count than Gacy, saving his life would have been the right thing to do. Letting him die was beyond cruel, and if she gets off with nothing more than a few nasty articles in the paper, she's lucky. Karma has a way of coming 'round.

ARVolund

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2007, 12:28:40 PM »
My mother and I don't always have the best relationship. To be honest, the kindest way to describe my childhood would be tempestuous. But in a few years she is getting on of my kidneys, and a portion of my liver if needed. No hesitation.

I really don't care what her reasons are. To me, that woman is dispicable. Unless her brother ate her firstborn or has a higher body count than Gacy, saving his life would have been the right thing to do. Letting him die was beyond cruel, and if she gets off with nothing more than a few nasty articles in the paper, she's lucky. Karma has a way of coming 'round.

Since we do not know the why it is very possible that your "Karma has a way of coming 'round" is exactly what is happening now. A very good possibility that the brother started the Karma train and is now reaping what he has sown.

I have four siblings, two of which I would not hesitate to donate, one I would need to consider ( not because he is a bad person but because he is very unhealthy and a lot of it is self inflicted), and one that I would never even consider helping for any reason. 

I have not talked to this brother in over 15 years and it is my hope that I never do so again. Now while YOU may think saving his life would be the right thing to do and to not do so would be beyond cruel it is my opinion he is an oxygen waster and if he died tomorrow the world would be a better place. Does this mean that you will think I am a bad person? Looking at your post I would guess yes. Does this make me a bad person? I do not think so but I suppose it is very possible that it does.

The thing is I know what kind of person my brother is and you have no idea so like the family in the article  you really have very little to nothing  on which to base your opinion.

Vegemite Girl

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2007, 12:38:53 PM »
What I found interesting (and to me a hint that the sister may have a good reason - in her opinion - for refusing) was that she didn't want to talk publically about it. IME toxics can't shut up.

ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #21 on: November 08, 2007, 12:49:01 PM »
I really don't care what her reasons are. To me, that woman is dispicable. Unless her brother ate her firstborn or has a higher body count than Gacy, saving his life would have been the right thing to do. Letting him die was beyond cruel, and if she gets off with nothing more than a few nasty articles in the paper, she's lucky. Karma has a way of coming 'round.

The decision to dontate is personal.  You have no idea what her reasons are and to dismiss like you have them is frankly quite disturbing. 

Your post implies that there are limits to who she should donate to - but they seem to be your personal pre-prescribed limits.  Please tell me, who died and made you a supreme being that you get to judge exactly who is worthy of donation and who is not? And why is this a case of him being worthy of donation in the first place? That really has nothing to do with it.  I will defend until the day that I die her right to refuse to donate to whomever she pleases, for whatever reason she chooses.   

I'm off to drink some coke, because the only words I can think of to respond to this post are very, very hateful. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

MiladyOak

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #22 on: November 08, 2007, 01:24:49 PM »
I really don't care what her reasons are. To me, that woman is dispicable. Unless her brother ate her firstborn or has a higher body count than Gacy, saving his life would have been the right thing to do. Letting him die was beyond cruel, and if she gets off with nothing more than a few nasty articles in the paper, she's lucky. Karma has a way of coming 'round.

The decision to dontate is personal.  You have no idea what her reasons are and to dismiss like you have them is frankly quite disturbing. 

Your post implies that there are limits to who she should donate to - but they seem to be your personal pre-prescribed limits.  Please tell me, who died and made you a supreme being that you get to judge exactly who is worthy of donation and who is not? And why is this a case of him being worthy of donation in the first place? That really has nothing to do with it.  I will defend until the day that I die her right to refuse to donate to whomever she pleases, for whatever reason she chooses.   

I'm off to drink some coke, because the only words I can think of to respond to this post are very, very hateful. 

I'm sorry, and you are right. It did come off very hateful. I guess because I'm so close to the subject of organ donation, it really got to me. I'm not going to say I could see any reason that would justify her rescinding her offer (my facetious Gacy comment aside). But donation is very personal, and it was her right not to donate, and we are seeing only one side. I am sorry to have upset you. I ran out of coke last night. ;)

Chartreuse

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #23 on: November 08, 2007, 02:49:15 PM »
This is yet another reason why I encourage healthy people in the US to get on the National Bone Marrow Donor Registry.  It's extremely rare and very lucky to find a close tissue match outside of your own family.

I've donated via PBSC, to an anonymous at the time recipient.  Call this tooting my own horn, but whatever, I figure I can offer a perspective from the donation p.o.v.  In the relative scheme of things, the worst of it is a matter of time, and Filigrastim/Neupogen makes you feel like you've got the worst case of flu in your entire life.  Your bones ache for about three to five days, you feel exhausted.  I was aware of every bone in my body.  However, I wouldn't call it PAIN.  Discomfort, yes.  Pain, no.  I've got it on good authority that actual marrow donation is about the same:  deep discomfort in the hip, but it only lasts about half a week to a week.

There are good reasons to not donate, hell, I'm now on the permanently deferred list, due to the discovery of some of my own health issues.  I'd do it again if I could, but simply can't.  I can see why people wouldn't want to, or just can't.  For those who can, I really do encourage them to think about it.  I count it as one of the best things I've ever done.  Five years later, my recipient is a healthy 19 year old, off at college, and becoming more and more like a younger brother and pretty good friend.

Anyway.
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ShadesOfGrey

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2007, 03:03:53 PM »
I'm sorry, and you are right. It did come off very hateful. I guess because I'm so close to the subject of organ donation, it really got to me. I'm not going to say I could see any reason that would justify her rescinding her offer (my facetious Gacy comment aside). But donation is very personal, and it was her right not to donate, and we are seeing only one side. I am sorry to have upset you. I ran out of coke last night. ;)

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I responded strongly to yours.  :-[ I apologize.  Thank you for being understanding. 
Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning. - Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. - Maya Angelou

Trisha

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #25 on: November 08, 2007, 03:04:33 PM »
I think that there have to be reasons why she doesn't want to donate. I can't imagine ANYONE denying to donate if they're a match unless they have a good reason. I wonder if there is anything going on with the sister's health, or potential risks she's not willing to take with her health. She has a family too, its not right to say her brother's family is more important than hers.

I understand the brother too, he has a family to think about. The whole situation is bad, however making the argument a public fight is not going to make it any better. Even if the news station just found out about the story from a doctor, the brother had the option to not give a statement to prevent this from being out in the open. I can't imagine the sister will be anymore willing to donate after having her made to look like a villain in the local paper.


Lizettarose

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #26 on: November 11, 2007, 03:36:45 PM »
This brings a couple of things to my mind. I live near a big transplant hospital and I have heard a few doozies.
One is where a man got his new liver, then ruined it with alcohol. The Dr.'s refused him another liver since he did not take care of the transplanted one. I say good for them! That means the liver could go to some one more grateful.
The second is something that just boils my blood. People who purposely conceive a child so they have a donor for a currently living child. That child's whole exsistance is to live for the other child. I actually heard of one family trying for a donor child and actually giving a couple of children up for adoption because they weren't matches. CPS took away all their children.

MamaToreen

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #27 on: November 15, 2007, 12:42:41 PM »
I'm sorry, and you are right. It did come off very hateful. I guess because I'm so close to the subject of organ donation, it really got to me. I'm not going to say I could see any reason that would justify her rescinding her offer (my facetious Gacy comment aside). But donation is very personal, and it was her right not to donate, and we are seeing only one side. I am sorry to have upset you. I ran out of coke last night. ;)

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I responded strongly to yours.  :-[ I apologize.  Thank you for being understanding. 

Maybe it's OT, but this is what I have always loved about this board. The mutual respect the members show for one another. This is what society should be.

wheeitsme

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #28 on: November 15, 2007, 02:24:00 PM »
As others have pointed out, there is more to this story than what was published.

What I did find published? 

http://www.mirror.co.uk/showbiz/yourlife/sexandhealth/2007/06/14/saved-by-a-stranger---but-sister-left-me-to-die-89520-19293759/

I have to admit that I do not like the Brother.  When he couldn't get what he wanted he went to the press and painted himself as pretty wonderful and his Sister and Mother as horrible creatures who wanted him to die.  He used his kids and the press to try and guilt his Sister into a medical procedure she didn't feel comfortable doing.  Daddy's going to die because of Sister. 

In most of the articles I found, the sister refused to talk to the press.  He appears to have used the press as a weapon to force her to help and then to hurt her when she stood her ground.

I feel bad for everyone involved, but this is an extremely personal thing, and he made it public. 

Akarui Kibuno

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Re: Wow.
« Reply #29 on: November 15, 2007, 02:39:58 PM »
Truth be told, this article kinda convinces me that the sister wasn't that nice. Cause it looks like her refusal to go on with the treatment is more like petty revenge or something. Or maybe I didn't read that right. It never says the brother and sister had a BAD relationship, just that the sister might have been jealous of his success AND that she said "no" after he nicely called her. And no one knows why the mother sided with the sister all of a sudden... It seems a LOT more complicated than what we are presented with.
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