Author Topic: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?  (Read 1205 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

hollasa

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2649
Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« on: January 19, 2007, 05:44:30 PM »
This may be a strange question, but how would you phrase a condolence note to someone who you practically suspect of complicity in the dead person's death?

I shouldn't go too far into this story, as it isn't mine, but to simplify, "Anastasia" and "Cuthbert" were unhappily married. In the process of leaving Anastasia, Cuthbert died of a heart attack. Cuthbert's old family friend (to clarify, absolutely non-romantic friend), "Matilda" was informed of this, and more, by Cuthbert's grown children. Anastasia has just sent Matilda an email, apologizing abjectly for not informing her of the death before the funeral ("I must humbly apologise for this terrible loss of memory..ask for your forgiveness for what is unforgiveable"). Matilda does not like Anastasia, and thinks that Cuthbert would still be alive if it were not for her various actions, especially given Cuthbert's known heart condition.

How should Matilda politely reply to this email?

Not Matilda

Verruca

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 114
Re: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2007, 05:52:08 PM »
"I'm so sorry for the loss of Cuthbert.  He was a wonderful man.  (Insert memories of Cuthbert here.)

"I know that your family must be suffering.  Please accept my condolences and know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers.

"Sincerely, Matilda"

If Matilda does not feel like accepting Anastasia's apology, she doesn't have to, but accusing anyone of anything in this situation is unseemly at best.

At least the phrasing above does not extend actual condolences to Anastasia - although it can be read that way. 

kingsrings

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9708
Re: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2007, 05:52:18 PM »
Wow, the names you have picked make this sound like an old english romance novel such as Wuthering Heights!! heh. But anyway, to get back to the topic, nothing more than a simple couple sentences of condolence are needed from Matilda back to Anastasia, no matter what her feelings are towards the parties involved. The point is, someone has died, and that is all that needs to be acknowledged. Nothing will be accomplished by picking on people right now.  

Chocolate Cake

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5138
Re: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2007, 05:55:15 PM »
When Matilda sends her condolences, it ought to state some of the many reasons why she'll miss Cuthbert so greatly or one or two of her favorite memories.  She can end the correspondence by saying something like, "The world is a darker place without him" or something fairly generic like that instead of the typical, "I feel your pain" sort of thing.....

JudiAU

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 94
Re: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2007, 06:58:21 PM »
"I'm so sorry for the loss of Cuthbert.  He was a wonderful man.  (Insert memories of Cuthbert here.)

"I know that your family must be suffering.  Please accept my condolences and know that I will be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers.

"Sincerely, Matilda"

If Matilda does not feel like accepting Anastasia's apology, she doesn't have to, but accusing anyone of anything in this situation is unseemly at best.

At least the phrasing above does not extend actual condolences to Anastasia - although it can be read that way. 

Very nice response.

MineralDiva

  • "Diva"
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2910
  • "I shall plant my feet and let them have it!"
Re: Condolence note - when not wanting to condole?
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2007, 07:02:41 PM »
"I am sorry to hear of Cuthbert's passing.  It would seem that forgiving the unforgiveable pales in comparison to fathoming the unfathomable."