It sounds like you and DH could get huge benefit from stronger "get away from haranguing grandma" skills.
You probably can't make her stop, but you might be able to get away sooner (Teflon...an eel...).
Then again, maybe interrupt her to say, "Is criticizing me the main thing you have to say, here in this conversation? Oh, well, I'm not going to stand around and be scolded. Excuse me." And then go across the room.
Well, maybe not, but it's sure tempting--in the "drag the unpleasantness out into the bright lights and identify it accurately for everyone to see" category.
And some "get off my back, fellow church members" tactics as well.
For them, maybe a "I don't know what you mean, there's no rift, we are just always busy."
Tempting again to say something more pointed, like, "I don't think it's really your place to try to micromanage my family relationships, even if you are my sister in Diety."