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  • March 28, 2015, 10:53:00 AM

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Author Topic: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long  (Read 6957 times)

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catwhiskers

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #45 on: Yesterday at 01:20:33 PM »
I really don't understand this way of thinking. These daughters who are supposed to stay single and look after their parents, thus having no children of their own... who is going to look after them in their old age? It makes no sense at all.


artk2002

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #46 on: Yesterday at 01:48:26 PM »
I really don't understand this way of thinking. These daughters who are supposed to stay single and look after their parents, thus having no children of their own... who is going to look after them in their old age? It makes no sense at all.

It doesn't have to make sense because the daughter doesn't matter, except as a caregiver to the parents. They don't care one bit what happens after they die; all they care about are their immediate needs. If you take on the attitude of "I am the only one who matters; my children exist only to to serve me," you'll understand it.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

mime

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #47 on: Yesterday at 03:33:47 PM »
It is actually very much like that to be truthful. I have cousins I run into that turn their faces at me. No one will talk to my children either. It is very dysfunctional. Years of therapy has helped.

That's awful. How dare you have a life of your own?  ::)

Were the cousins poisoned against you by your parents, or are they angry because they have let the burden of care for your parents fall on them?

DanaJ

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #48 on: Yesterday at 05:14:00 PM »
I really don't understand this way of thinking. These daughters who are supposed to stay single and look after their parents, thus having no children of their own... who is going to look after them in their old age? It makes no sense at all.

You are to be taken in by a very generous sibling after your parents die.

I'm of mixed heritage. For one of the cultures in my blend, up until more modern days, it was a fairly common tradition that the youngest daughter was forbidden to marry and was instead destined to be the caregiver to her parents. This would have been back in the days when you had to ask a woman's father for permission to marry her, and if the father said "No." that was the final answer.

My one auntie said she still remembers hearing about the custom still when she was little (circa 1920s), but can't think of anyone who actually got stuck in that situation.

DanaJ

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #49 on: Yesterday at 05:28:32 PM »
It is actually very much like that to be truthful. I have cousins I run into that turn their faces at me. No one will talk to my children either. It is very dysfunctional. Years of therapy has helped.

Wow. Sorry to hear they are bunch of nincompoops.

I guess if they took on the stance "You're either with us, or against us!" then they'll see any choice you make on your own would be "against" them, which allows them to tell themselves that you betrayed them. That is so incredibly backwards.

But overall it sounds like you are in a much healthier and happier space. Nothing good comes from being overly insular and hostile to change. They are only laying seige to themselves and weakening their own family bonds by denying family members access to healthy relationships to one another.

knitwicca

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Re: Rudeness at a Funeral - A Bit Long
« Reply #50 on: Today at 10:29:24 AM »
I really don't understand this way of thinking. These daughters who are supposed to stay single and look after their parents, thus having no children of their own... who is going to look after them in their old age? It makes no sense at all.

It doesn't have to make sense because the daughter doesn't matter, except as a caregiver to the parents. They don't care one bit what happens after they die; all they care about are their immediate needs. If you take on the attitude of "I am the only one who matters; my children exist only to to serve me," you'll understand it.
This^^^^.