Author Topic: You DON'T know everything...  (Read 4689 times)

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wolfie

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Re: You DON'T know everything...
« Reply #30 on: December 18, 2014, 08:21:53 PM »
Quote
(and wow, good luck w/ that house--it sounds a little scary-in-bad-shape. Did they not get an inspection of the foundation before they bought it? Show it to Expert Dad before they decided whether and how much to bid? Fingers crossed for them!)

The house was bought and entirely paid for at an auction..no house inspection. Long story.

I struggle to give someone attention (like Tina) who talks about everything they can for the sake of attention. I feel it validates the on.and.on and 'feeds the beast' so to speak.

That is what I figured.  You can't get a morgage on a house that is unlivable and foundation problems usually swing it that way.  But if you know what you are doing you can get real bargains that way. 

lollylegs

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Re: You DON'T know everything...
« Reply #31 on: December 18, 2014, 09:04:29 PM »
I agree with ignore her. I get that her attitude is grating to you, but there is nothing that indicates that Charlie doesn't welcome her input. So you'll need to decide if you can deal with being around her. If not, then you need to figure out a schedule of when you can be onsight when she isn't there or in other areas so you can limit your contact with her.

I understand why your DH was saying the foundation is priority. But honestly, wiring can be done while the foundation is being done  Honestly, I'd be fixing bad wiring before dealing with foundation if there was a fire hazard. So your DH "quickly shutting her down" seems just as poor of a response as her attitude does. Your description of the interaction made me wonder if she is the eternal optimist and your DH the pessimist.

Podding this completely. I totally get how Tinas can be exhausting and annoying. But it's Charlie's house. If he find Tina's input unwelcome, then he needs to be the one to say something. And honestly, in this particular context, a sister listing all the people who can help out is a rather sweet gesture (I'm sure she'll be in for a shock when all those people provide their bill, but that's also not something you need to worry about). As a PP said, unless she's saying, "Forget the stupid foundation and focus on my suggestions!" then I don't really think she's doing anything wrong in this one situation.

In terms of her ongoing talkativeness/neediness, my personal advice is to just tune it out. It doesn't sound like you see her that much so you just need something that will get you through those rare occasions. Smile, nod, beandip and if she doesn't take the beandip, find something that urgently needs your attention in another room.

Toot's advice is also very good.

bopper

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Re: You DON'T know everything...
« Reply #32 on: Yesterday at 11:23:54 PM »
Can you let Charlie know that you find Tina to be a "strong cup of coffee" so you are willing to help, but perhaps on days that Tina is not there because you don't know how to respond to her "expertise".

I would imagine that soon they will decide who acctually does work.

Wintergreen

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Re: You DON'T know everything...
« Reply #33 on: Today at 03:06:32 AM »
I'm sorry, but am I the only one thinking that DH's answer to Tina was quite rude if the encounter went as OP stated. I mean, it seems that Charlie and DH were already agreeing that foundation needs to be done. Tina (okay, she barges in, but it does not sound like with family it would be problem that one person wants to tell about something to already agreeing people) states that she knows several people who have skills related to fixing the problems in the house. Which she is responded by "that means nothing" (basically, your input and your ideas have no value here). Sounds quite rude, when there would be polite way to say "good to know, those can be thought after the foundation is fixed".

Know it alls can be exhausting though.

I think if Tina gets to use the "family informality" pass on interrupting, then DH gets to use the same pass. It sounds like a fast-moving group conversation, where people were talking over one another, and DH being in "get it done mode" was trying to keep on track.

Yes, the same response at a party or something would be very rude, but I think it this instance it matched the context.

I didn't think Wintergreen's problem was with the interrupting, but with the "shut up" feeling behind it. It was very dismissive. "Let us finish this," or something else.


Yes, exactly this. Actually, I feel that even straight out "shut up" would have been MORE polite than what the DH said (if the exact words were in OP). I mean, "that means nothing" is kind of "shut up because you are stupid/don't know anything", contentwise.

But yea, this also sounds something that really is a neverending wheel. Tina has terrible urge to participate and show her knowledge etc etc. And others respond with "shut up, you know nothing". Which of course creates even more urge to show her knowledge and get some acknowledgment. I think redirecting is basically only even remotely workable solution. Unless you all want to have an intervention with her...