Am I in the wrong for not wanting to invite Liz? How do I handle comments from family about not wanting her there?
The board seems split on your first your question (or at least the possible consequences of that decision), but I'm a bit confused about your second question. It sounded as though you were concerned about how your family would react to your decision not to invite your sister, but then you say they know things are tense between the two of you so you're not worried about their reaction...can you clarify a bit?
It's assumed that most of my family know what happened between Liz and I, but in case they don't, I would need to respond as to why she wasn't invited.
DH does not like sister. Even before any of this, he has never liked her. He has left it up to me to decide if I want her there or not.
At the most, I will see her for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We don't celebrate any other holidays as one big family. I don't know about when niece's birthday arrive, but that won't be until next March. She does not impact my family and our overall family as much as everyone assumes. Us not having a relationship
will not create some great big divide in our family since our family is not close to begin with. Our kids are not BFFs. DD is too young and DS actually likes nephew better, and nephew is Jake's son and not Liz's. We live 5 hours away now anyway.
Co-workers I'm obligated to be around 5 days a week/8 hours a day typically. I'm not obligated to be around Liz. Worst case, I can decline invitations to events where we're both invited.
Something similar actually happened on 4th of July. We had a get-together at FIL's house instead of going to see everyone individually. I let Jake know, but I didn't message Liz. At this point, they were separated, but in counseling. Jake, Liz, and the kids showed up. Obviously it's a little different now because they are indeed headed for a divorce.
Also, I don't openly bad mouth Liz in front of my children or hers. If she chose to not let her kids attend, if they were in her custody that weekend, that is her choice.
My sister and I were very close. She has her party friends and her mommy friends, but her, Cousin, and me hung out and talked the most. We also went through this about 10 years ago where we didn't speak for years.
Another option is while giving yourself from time to see if the cut is the right decision for you and your family, is to recognize that due to recent events, you just don't want her at the party. You have just had a major disagreement with her. There should be nothing wrong with not inviting her to this one event and then allowing yourself time to think about the long term.
I like this. A lot of the responses seem very black/white, but this is gray.