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  • September 05, 2015, 11:36:15 AM

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Author Topic: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists  (Read 498 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« on: Today at 07:53:34 AM »
Hi, just a quick question. Every year my mom asks/demands christmas lists for me and the kids. Every year she does not get a single thing from them which is fine but feels like I am wasting my time putting them together if they aren't even used. So she has already been making noises about lists this year. How can I let her know politely that we just aren't going to do it this year. We have one on the way and 2 and moved in April so we have enough on our plate to do. I agree with those that is waaaay early to be asking for it lol. I am not ready to think of it!

bloo

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #1 on: Today at 08:22:31 AM »
From previous posts, I gather your mom is not the most easy to talk to? But even if this was a quirk in an otherwise easy relationship with your mom, I'm firmly on the side of not asking or demanding or expecting gifts so, in your position, I think I'd just have a sense of humor about it. I'd make up wish lists with silly things (not necessarily expensive) just to see how far off the mark she'd go.

We had a poster mention awhile back the ridiculous gifts she'd get from her in-laws. Her husband and kids would get nice gifts and she'd be an afterthought. I seem to recall her receiving "orange fringe thingees". She didn't even know what they were. My advice back then was to make it a joke between her and the hubs to eagerly anticipate what silliness the in-laws would indulge in for their gift-giving.

Unrelated to gift-giving but the contrariness of asking people what they want so you can ensure you don't give it to them makes me think there's a bit of a control issue. My MIL would always, without fail, pick the equal and opposite response as me when it came to anything I might like or dislike. She did it so much and so obnoxiously that I quickly started making a game out of it. If I knew I was going to give her something, pass her something I wasn't using, or give an opinion on something - I'd decide on a whim if I wanted her to like it or not and would talk to her accordingly. It became amusing to arbitrarily decide that I hated a certain dessert, exercise, doctor, miscellaneous product so I could watch her jump in with why I was wrong and she loves it. So what used to irritate me would then make me chuckle later. She Cut Direct her son a few years ago so this isn't an issue anymore.

The point I'm trying to make is, if she isn't going to take the lists seriously and you don't want to have a discussion about 'why bother' just maybe have some fun with it. If you want to have a discussion though, I've no advice since I hate having discussions about what you (general) should gimme and I'd never make lists.

rose red

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #2 on: Today at 08:44:57 AM »
I'd just jot down a few things. Nothing you really put thought into, but wouldn't mind having if she breaks tradition and actually follow the list this year.

Because what's worse? Quickly writing a list or listening to her from now to December?

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #3 on: Today at 09:11:49 AM »
I'd just jot down a few things. Nothing you really put thought into, but wouldn't mind having if she breaks tradition and actually follow the list this year.

Because what's worse? Quickly writing a list or listening to her from now to December?
Have to agree, as much as I'd want to tell her no, myseflf. 
Just write something halfhearted and don't die on this hill.

Mary Lennox

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #4 on: Today at 09:24:34 AM »
I know you've had issues in the past with your mother but I'm confused about what you're actually upset about.

Your title indicates you're upset that it's too early to ask for xmas lists, but the very first sentence says that she never follows them anyway. And then you say that you're too busy to write a list because you moved 5 months ago. So what are you actually mad about?

1. Grandma is asking for a list too early?
2. Grandma is asking for a list that she never follows?
3. Grandma is asking for a list that you are too busy to put together and she should realise you're too busy?

Just put together a fake list with 3 or 4 items and have done with it. It'll take you 10 minutes and she'll stop asking.

Betelnut

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #5 on: Today at 09:28:58 AM »
I actually don't think it is too early! Christmas is just around the corner. But since she ignores your lists anyway I would just give her a few generic ideas like "books, gift certificates, and cash."
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Carotte

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #6 on: Today at 09:34:37 AM »
Give themes, characters, sizes.. don't go out of your way to find a specific toy or isbn number.
Something like "Thing One loves cats and horses and hello kitty, yellow and red, wears a size 12 and already has too many dolls. Thing two is into dinausaurs and stars, started dance class this year and will never have enough coloring pencils".

Harriet Jones

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #7 on: Today at 09:36:59 AM »
I get that it's annoying, I end up having to give lists to lots of different people at Christmas.  Just put a few simple ideas down, like PP have mentioned, general categories or themes, and be done with it.

LilacGirl1983

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #8 on: Today at 09:42:18 AM »
I am not upset.  ??? Its just I don't have a lot of desires and she wants a list not a few things (Tried that) and yes my mom is hard to talk to. She is judgemental and takes offense to things.. I am just trying to head things off. She is used to the amazon wish list but might just email her some ideas..last year for example she bugged us about it until we did it and then denied she said anything..both hubby and I told her she did at the same time lol. We have been working our relationship and boundries...having a hard time with that with her..

I'mnotinsane

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #9 on: Today at 09:51:11 AM »
I'd just jot down a few things. Nothing you really put thought into, but wouldn't mind having if she breaks tradition and actually follow the list this year.

Because what's worse? Quickly writing a list or listening to her from now to December?

Really good advice.  In fact you could make this a holiday tradition.  One night between Christmas and New Years Day each year, relax in front of the Christmas tree with a glass of wine, and write next year's list.  Have fun with it.  When your mom asks for it before summer is even over you can say "Sure, I'll email it over this minute.  You sure are getting a late start on the holidays this year!"

rose red

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #10 on: Today at 10:00:10 AM »
I am not upset.  ??? Its just I don't have a lot of desires and she wants a list not a few things (Tried that) and yes my mom is hard to talk to. She is judgemental and takes offense to things.. I am just trying to head things off. She is used to the amazon wish list but might just email her some ideas..last year for example she bugged us about it until we did it and then denied she said anything..both hubby and I told her she did at the same time lol. We have been working our relationship and boundries...having a hard time with that with her..

You can say "This is what we want. But they are suggestions, not orders. You are free to pick out gifts you want to give like you usually do each year." Yes, that's PA, but say it in a cheerful voice so she can't accuse you of being snarky. If she keeps bugging you, keep repeating "We gave you our list."

Nibsey

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #11 on: Today at 10:04:26 AM »
Could you not just give her the same list as last year but swop things about. My list stays the same most years, if my family give me something off it that isn't perishable I just change the colour for the following year.
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Bales

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #12 on: Today at 10:09:25 AM »
Good idea.  I keep an Amazon Wish List that I can refer to at any time - some things I would never put on a list for someone else to buy, but I can use it to put together a Christmas List any time.

rainbowkitty

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #13 on: Today at 10:29:57 AM »
I agree with making up a list of some generic things/gift cards to stores you like.  As for it being too early - not in my family.  We drew names back in July.  It's so much easier buying a little at a time then a big outlaw of cash in november/december (not to mention dealing with crowds).

EllenS

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Re: Way Early! Mom asking for christmas lists
« Reply #14 on: Today at 10:55:00 AM »
The bugging and the taking offense kind of sounds to me like she's more interested in an argument than shopping. This sounds like a rinse-repeat answer in the making:

"I like gardening. DH likes fiber arts." (or whatever). Just be a broken record whenever she bugs you. Be boring, and have a stock answer you can just parrot out ten thousand times without getting irritated.

People who have trouble connecting in healthy ways, often push, pick and nag because it keeps you engaged. Be boring about the annoying stuff and offer her genuine engagment on a positive topic. That's more likely to be productive in the long run.