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  • May 01, 2016, 09:10:03 AM

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Author Topic: MIL and her "request"  (Read 5087 times)

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rose red

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Re: MIL and her "request"
« Reply #60 on: Yesterday at 06:04:07 PM »
I think this year OP should be taking not only Mother's day and Christmas off the table, but also  Thanksgiving. And birthdays.

Push back a little ;) remind Mil just how generous you folks have already been.

This is actually something I do with my kids.  If they start complaining too much about the chores I ask them to do, then I add an additional chore.  If they complain about that, then they have another.  The idea is to show them that all over the world, children have *hard* chores and they spend most of the day on them.  They don't have all that many chores.  But if they come to think that they shouldn't have *any* chores, then they will have to be reminded of how hard they *could* have to work so they'll appreciate what they have.  It works fairly well.

Reminds me of the folktale about the man who complained to his rabbi that his house is too small with his children and in-laws all living there. The rabbi told him the solution is to bring all his livestock into the house. A week later, the man told the rabbi it didn't work; his house is still cramped, noisy, and smelly. The rabbi then told him to take all the animals back outside. A few days later, the man was joyfully saying the house is now so roomy, quiet, and clean.

The OP's MIL should be grateful to have all the holidays except only two. She could have none if she keeps up this attitude.
« Last Edit: Yesterday at 06:06:02 PM by rose red »

MommyPenguin

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Re: MIL and her "request"
« Reply #61 on: Yesterday at 10:36:25 PM »
I think this year OP should be taking not only Mother's day and Christmas off the table, but also  Thanksgiving. And birthdays.

Push back a little ;) remind Mil just how generous you folks have already been.

This is actually something I do with my kids.  If they start complaining too much about the chores I ask them to do, then I add an additional chore.  If they complain about that, then they have another.  The idea is to show them that all over the world, children have *hard* chores and they spend most of the day on them.  They don't have all that many chores.  But if they come to think that they shouldn't have *any* chores, then they will have to be reminded of how hard they *could* have to work so they'll appreciate what they have.  It works fairly well.

Reminds me of the folktale about the man who complained to his rabbi that his house is too small with his children and in-laws all living there. The rabbi told him the solution is to bring all his livestock into the house. A week later, the man told the rabbi it didn't work; his house is still cramped, noisy, and smelly. The rabbi then told him to take all the animals back outside. A few days later, the man was joyfully saying the house is now so roomy, quiet, and clean.

They made a picture book of this!  :)  http://smile.amazon.com/Could-Always-Be-Worse-Yiddish/dp/0374436363/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462073746&sr=8-1&keywords=it+could+always+be+worse
Emily is 9 years old!  1/07
Jenny is 7 years old!  10/08
Charlotte is 5 years old!  8/10
Megan is 3 years old!  10/12
Lydia is 1 year old!  12/14

Curly Wurly Doggie Breath

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Re: MIL and her "request"
« Reply #62 on: Today at 02:21:25 AM »
I think this year OP should be taking not only Mother's day and Christmas off the table, but also  Thanksgiving. And birthdays.

Push back a little ;) remind Mil just how generous you folks have already been.

This is actually something I do with my kids.  If they start complaining too much about the chores I ask them to do, then I add an additional chore.  If they complain about that, then they have another.  The idea is to show them that all over the world, children have *hard* chores and they spend most of the day on them.  They don't have all that many chores.  But if they come to think that they shouldn't have *any* chores, then they will have to be reminded of how hard they *could* have to work so they'll appreciate what they have.  It works fairly well.

Reminds me of the folktale about the man who complained to his rabbi that his house is too small with his children and in-laws all living there. The rabbi told him the solution is to bring all his livestock into the house. A week later, the man told the rabbi it didn't work; his house is still cramped, noisy, and smelly. The rabbi then told him to take all the animals back outside. A few days later, the man was joyfully saying the house is now so roomy, quiet, and clean.

They made a picture book of this!  :)  http://smile.amazon.com/Could-Always-Be-Worse-Yiddish/dp/0374436363/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1462073746&sr=8-1&keywords=it+could+always+be+worse

bahaha, i need that book

                          The Southern Cross Flag. Australia

Oh Joy

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Re: MIL and her "request"
« Reply #63 on: Today at 07:42:21 AM »
...
Yep.  It's exhausting, frankly.
...

You don't like the way your in-laws plan and "do" their family gatherings - beyond whether your MIL is deserving of a broomstick and flying monkeys - and it wears on you.  One of my siblings has a large clan of (kind but uninhibited) in-laws who absolutely drain me just being around them...I'm glad they're not mine.

Since you can't change them, can you and your DH change your own position?  How would he feel if your household's new official statement for planning gatherings is a smiling "Please make plans that work for everyone else, and if we can attend we most certainly will be there."  You'll join when you can, and decline when you can't.  If someone else is upset that you aren't attending an event, it doesn't mean you have to be upset, too.

Best wishes.

cicero

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Re: MIL and her "request"
« Reply #64 on: Today at 07:57:05 AM »
it's not unreasonable, in a normal (non-toxic) family, to *want* to spend holidays together. THe older *I* get, and the busier we all are (siblings etc) (plus in our case it's living on different continents), the more I am happy to spend holidays or other times together. In fact, last week i spent two days (plus mucho $$ plus 6 hours round trip train ride) of passover at my very very religious sister's house - not my idea of a fun seder but the point to me was to spend time with family.

However, this is not a normal situation. Your MIL is being unreasonable (toxic). you are adults and you have the right to celebrate as you want - whether it's at home in your PJs or mountain climbing or whatnot.

SO i don't have any advice for you other than - if she wants to be angry, she'll be angry. that's her choice. you cannot control that.


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