Author Topic: Endlessly Postponing Dinner  (Read 3661 times)

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Harriet Jones

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #30 on: January 23, 2015, 09:37:34 PM »
I don't think I'd bother rescheduling, either. (or even discussing it with them)  I think 4 cancellations is enough reason to just go and have a nice dinner with your fiancÚ.

sammycat

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #31 on: January 23, 2015, 09:41:54 PM »
I would just drop the rope. Don't try to reschedule. If they want to reschedule, they can call you. If they throw it up in your face, they throw it in your face. It sounds like they're going to throw something in your face anyway.

I agree. 


Goog

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #32 on: January 23, 2015, 11:51:53 PM »
As others have said, drop the rope.  Call their bluff with a "That's too bad.  We'll miss you at dinner!  Maybe we can try to get together some other time."  After reading the other thread, part of me wonders if they like the attention of making the plans with you and then canceling and having you chase after them.  Four times?  Really?  Who DOES that?

And my first thought was that this was *your* present.  YOU should be the ones to use it, without any obligation to take anyone else.  There's no need to spend it on other people!  It takes away from you fully enjoying your own gift, especially when you have a contentious relationship with the people you're inviting. 

Deetee

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #33 on: Yesterday at 12:06:56 AM »
I'm responding to your post 24. I won't quote it as it is long and I'm on my phone and can't really edit, but you are aren't keeping the peace. You aren't being nice. You are being a doormat.
Go for dinner. If they being it up, make sure you plan for a night where you would be happy to stay home. And don't worry about the gift card. Just spend it and enjoy it.

Otterpop

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #34 on: Yesterday at 12:08:38 PM »
Just go and enjoy the card.  Appeasement never works with "bully" control freak types.  In fact, they view it as a sign of weakness and push you around some more.

Invite them once, the ball's in their court.  If they don't lob back it's on them.

tash112194

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #35 on: Yesterday at 04:39:31 PM »
so the weather ended up being fine, I called my dad an hour ago and asked if he still wanted to go, he told me they already started cooking dinner. I said "you're already cooking dinner at 3:40..?" so yeah I'm not going to reschedule. with their actions I really don't feel like its important to them so my fiancÚ and I will be using the gift card for just us and if at some point they ask to go to dinner then we can go some place more convenient for them because Ive just decided that my favorite restaurant is another happy place of mine so I'll stick to enjoying it with my friends and my fiancÚ.

JenJay

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #36 on: Yesterday at 05:01:39 PM »
If they ask to go to dinner...
You "Thanks but we can't afford it right now."
Him "What do you mean? What about your GC to Place?"
You "Oh we spent that months ago!"
Him  :(
You  8)


lisat

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #37 on: Today at 10:47:41 PM »
If I had given a gift card to a restaurant/theater etc for a present, the last thing I wold have expected or wanted would be to be included. I give the gift with the full expatiation that it would be used by them. I think that by the parents cancelling four times that they might be trying to do just that.

Roses

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Re: Endlessly Postponing Dinner
« Reply #38 on: Today at 11:33:08 PM »

As far as I know, neither one of them has been to this restaurant. I've mentioned it a few times in conversation saying "Oh I love this place we go to" or when asked what we did for Valentine's or my birthday "Oh we went to [restaurant] it's my favorite." so that's why they gave us the gift card.

I'm not really sure what my intentions were with the dinner invite, I haven't done a lot of self examination on it. At the time (not sure if you've read my story in Complete Silence but I was having quite a bit of Christmas drama with them) I was happy that things were going what appeared to be decently with them and I thought it would be nice to use a gift they gave me with them and would also not make them feel like "thanks for the stuff bye" but more like "the things you have gotten me are things I know I will enjoy, why don't you come along and enjoy them with us". I feel like most of the cancellation is from my step mother, because often when I try to talk to my dad about when we can get together (I do not talk to my step mother, because the less I talk to her the less problems I have) he is always saying that it is ridiculous that we can't find a time to get together, (but then again he doesn't push to make it happen  ::) ). They have also gotten into the habbit (on purpose  :o?) of not making plans for parties or family gatherings until 3-4 days before so that when everyone else already has plans step mother can go "Well I invited her but she didn't come." *For example they changed my family birthday party to a day I already had plans without asking me (they knew about the plans, it's a standing plan that we always have) and when I told them again that I had plans I got a text that said "Well that's when your party is."

So I'm trying to follow through on this nice idea I had, but it is becoming stressful and semi hurtful because I feel like step mom is always waiting for better plans to come along and my dad won't stand up to her and say "That's enough we're making a plan and sticking to it." - For instance, I finally got them both in the same room and said "So how about next weekend?" and she said "If we have nothing else to do, fine>" and walked away, and I put it on their calender.

They planned a party for you without checking if you could make it?   :o Head. Desk.  Beyond rude.  Drop the Rope.  I'd pull way back and reduce contact significantly.