Author Topic: MIL told me to "zip it"!  (Read 1129 times)

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chocolatemoose

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #15 on: Today at 05:50:16 AM »
I'd stop going over there for at least a month. If your kids ask why, tell them it's because your son chose to not obey the rules. If MIL asks, tell her it's because she was disrespectful to you in front of the children. If you start visiting again, put the onion back in the fridge and tell MIL no onions for the sandwiches. If she gives your son onions, you reset the clock and stop going over there for another month.

PlainJane

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #16 on: Today at 05:56:00 AM »
Agree with all who say MIL was rude and needs correction. As to the situation...

If you really do have a good relationship with your MIL (95% isn't bad compared to some!) why not ask her to put the onions out of reach/hidden away while you visit? It's not an unreasonable request. You can even give her a reminder call before you head over to her place. If she doesn't comply, you may have to examine your relationship more closely.

bonyk

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #17 on: Today at 06:35:24 AM »
Agree with all who say MIL was rude and needs correction. As to the situation...

If you really do have a good relationship with your MIL (95% isn't bad compared to some!) why not ask her to put the onions out of reach/hidden away while you visit? It's not an unreasonable request. You can even give her a reminder call before you head over to her place. If she doesn't comply, you may have to examine your relationship more closely.

If you have a generally pleasant relationship with MIL, then I'd assume she meant "please stop bickering; it's driving me batty," and respond accordingly.  "I'm sick of this argument too. Son, if you can't follow my request then we're going to have to stop coming to MIL's"

YummyMummy66

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #18 on: Today at 07:13:20 AM »
my answer would be based on the relationship you have with your mil.  So, we need to know more info. on this one.

As for your son, I would stop telling him to brush his teeth, use mouthwash.  What I would do, is walk away when he tries to talk to you.  Or ignore him.  Or turn your head.   He is old enough to get the hint. 

Or you could eat a thing of roasted garlic and give him a great big kiss goodnight.

POF

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #19 on: Today at 07:40:56 AM »
MIL is rude - but most likely frustrated by the bickering.  You should not be bickering with pre-teen.  He is old enough to have consequences after the fact.  I would:

1) Tell son before hand the consequences of his actions ( and i would not make them about MIL ) - so he is grounded rest of afternoon , he has extra chores, no electronics - something that takes account the fact that he refused to listen to you.

2) Make it easy for him to comply, does he have a toothbrush there, can he use breath mints, or one of those strips.

3) Remind him ONE time before you go into her house.

4) Ignore his breathe until you get home, ask him once did he brush, etc. if not - consequences occur.


m2kbug

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #20 on: Today at 07:49:49 AM »
I would probably say something along the lines of the first PP, "No, I will not zip it.  His choices are to brush his teeth after eating an onion or no onions."  Grandma, I'm sure, wants to spoil him.  I'm all for grandma spoilage, but there are still some rules, and I agree with PPs that if your son does not wish to follow the rules, you should perhaps skip lunch at grandma's next weekend, maybe more.  This is not a fight I would want to continue having, especially in front of other people.  Your request is reasonable.  Option number three, when Grandma starts slicing up the onion, tell her please no onions since Son refuses to brush afterwards, or talk to her about no onions ahead of time.  I don't know how much I would say to Grandma.  I would most likely just avoid going to the house instead having an argument with her.  When Son decides he will brush after onions, you can resume the visits.  You can tell MIL this as well.  "I am not going to have this continued argument with DS, so we won't be coming over this weekend.  Next weekend we'll try again and see what happens." 

Where is DH on this?  Is he backing you up?  Refusing to go to grandma's over the onions might result in a fight over this with DH, so you two are hopefully on the same page.  This isn't ban Grandma, it's more dealing with your son, which should probably be expressed.  I don't really know if I would demand an apology or tell her I don't appreciate being undermined in front of my children, which is why we are stopping visits for awhile, but these are things you can tell her.  I would probably just go with, "Until DS decides to brush teeth after the onions, we won't be coming over."  I'm leaning in the direction of allowing Grandma to spoil him with fat onion wedges, but son needs to adhere to a simple rule afterwards.  Have gum or breath mints available also, and there's also the option of not letting grandma give him onions at all. 

MIL was rude, but you really shouldn't be fighting with your son repeatedly in front of her either. 

RainyDays

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #21 on: Today at 08:42:22 AM »
Maybe I am just not well versed in etiquette yet, but I don't see how it's polite for the OP to demand that her son brush his teeth after eating a food that she finds repulsive. I'm sure there are more polite ways to ask him (ask) if he wouldn't mind using some mouthwash. I don't see how berating and threatening to not go back to the IL's house (I'm actually shocked that was suggested) will work to teach her son how to act civilly and work out disagreements.

Frankly, her son is still a kid and is prone to pushing back; if her telling him to do something isn't working, maybe she should be employing a different tactic. OP of course is within her rights to steer clear if she cannot be in the same proximity as the onion breath, but unless her son is breathing straight into her face, this seems more like her problem than his. Besides, there are worse things that he could be eating. I'm actually impressed that he enjoys onions as much as he does! MIL was rude to say "zip it," but since this seems to be a recurring argument, she may well have been at the end of her listening rope, especially if she sees it as I do.

JenJay

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #22 on: Today at 09:24:09 AM »


Maybe "MIL, I'm the mother, I can handle this. And I will not 'zip it'."?
I like this reply.

Wow - your MIL was very rude. (a) for trampling on your parental role and (b) "zip it"? really? that would get me really upset regardless of what she was telling you to zip it about.

Is there a back story here of rudeness and parental trampling?



As I've mentioned in other threads, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, 95% of the time.   It's just once in a while that she will make a rude or thoughtless remark.  I haven't been able to figure out why, but I don't feel that she's coming from a place of any kind of malice towards me.  I think that in her mind, she's sticking up for her grandson.   And she is probably tired of  hearing about the darn onions.  I'm getting sick of arguing with my  stubborn pre teen son about it too  ???

Maybe, because your relationship with her is so good, she sometimes forgets that you're an in-law and thinks of you as one of her kids, and slips into "mom" mode with you. Not that it's okay for a grandparent to contradict their son/daughter in front of the grandkid, either. Does she do that with her biological kids and their kids?

m2kbug

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Re: MIL told me to "zip it"!
« Reply #23 on: Today at 09:55:54 AM »
RainyDays, the onion breath might seem petty, but for the OP it's one of the deal breakers.  Think about the one thing you absolutely cannot tolerate, like nails on a blackboard.  My stepmother cannot tolerate the sound of Styrofoam rubbing together.  She even gets squicky with the sound the Styrofoam popcorn makes.  At Christmas when anything has the popcorn or Styrofoam packaging, you bet we are all being very careful about the packaging.  If every time she came to my home, she had to deal with these noises, I imagine she would just avoid coming here.  There are deal breakers, and this is the OP's.  She is asking for one thing - brush/rinse.  She seems okay with gramma dishing out the onions, son just needs to curtail the dragon breath afterwards.  This is a good life-lesson about dragon breath all the way around, and the OP, as a parent, needs to guide and teach her son about hygiene.  Both my kids at this age were not the best when it came to hygiene, and even the teachers at school orientation were giving us parents a talk on hygiene, as they hit puberty and things get a bit more smelly.  It felt like a fight to the death, dealing with hair washing and deodorant.  The OP just happens to be super hyper-sensitive about the smell of onions and and has some expectations when her son chooses to eat them.  I also think she's being a little over the top about it, but I'm trying to put myself in the position of issues I absolutely cannot tolerate, and when it comes to my children and immediate family, I think it's okay to say something and express what I want.  If my wishes are completely disregarded whenever I go to the in-law's, I just won't go over anymore, or my kids, until we can reach a resolution.  Brush or skip it because I just have no desire to fight this battle over and over again.