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Author Topic: Kids' Names- I used it!  (Read 12483 times)

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Suze

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2008, 04:46:50 PM »
Oh good grief - LL's town is so small that I am surprised that they USE last names.

of course if you changed their name to match DH it would probably make the teachers life simpler. After all if you holler one last name and 90% of the class answers ......

And I am kidding here folks -- LL's kid's Dad was A Good Dad and should not be forgotten just to make a teachers life simpler......
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WildChild@Heart

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #16 on: March 09, 2008, 06:33:24 PM »
When I remarried DS and I too had different last names, but I guess his teachers were either wiser or more tactful as no one ever suggested I change his name.
We had a different problem though. DS first and last name could both be used as first names, imagine John Paul. I cannot tell you how many times when he was younger his teachers would meet me at parent night or conferences and say "Oh, your Paul's mom how nice to meet you" Me: "Ah no, I'm John's mom. Are you his teacher?" It always frustrated me to think that his teacher couldn't get his name right.
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waterwren

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #17 on: March 09, 2008, 06:52:55 PM »
I think that while yes, legal names have to be used on school documents, teachers and school staff (and for that matter everyone else) has no business telling a parent to change her children's names for their convenience.

My response would have been "I'm sorry, but those are their legal names and this subject is closed."  And if I found that any school personnel were giving my children a hard time on account of their names, I'd file complaints and act on them.


But I see it as part of the school's job to make the parents aware of how many problems this is causing when an unhappy child is upset that documents have the "wrong" name on them.  And can you imagine the teasing that would erupt if schoolmates saw that Michael Jones' report card was labelled "Baby Boy Jones"?  I'd hardly call that an issue of "convenience" for the school.


 Wait - you're telling me that these kids have the legal NAME of Baby Boy/Baby Girl? And you're not just using that as an example?  If that's the case I have to agree this is not for the convenience of the school...those kids are in for trouble later on. Can you imagine trying to apply for a job, license,college,  regsiter to vote, join the military, or get married with the "Name" Baby Boy or Baby Girl? Sorry that's just cruel.

kherbert05

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2008, 12:25:04 AM »
I think that while yes, legal names have to be used on school documents, teachers and school staff (and for that matter everyone else) has no business telling a parent to change her children's names for their convenience.

My response would have been "I'm sorry, but those are their legal names and this subject is closed."  And if I found that any school personnel were giving my children a hard time on account of their names, I'd file complaints and act on them.

We don't give them a bad time. We simply inform the parent that we have to use the legal name on all documents and that sometimes this upsets the child. Could they help us deal with the child and this matter so the child isn't upset.

Our social worker has contacts with lawyers that will help them legally change the name for court costs, if they want to use the resource. Some of our parents don't realize that they can't just call their name Jane and her name won't still be legally Baby Girl. She has also helped families adopt young relatives who lost their parents, get medical care, set up legal guardians for 2 brothers' when the Mom was dying of cancer so they didn't end up in foster care, and unfortunately arrange a funeral when 2 of our kids were murdered by their father.
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Leather Lady

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #19 on: March 10, 2008, 02:04:29 PM »
The worst part is that my kids' last name is a fairly common, easy-to-spell "ordinary" name.  My DH's last name is never going to be spelled or pronounced correctly outside of this county.  Ever.  (In the middle of the name is an "oe" pronounced like a long "a".)  Do I want to "burden" my kids with their stepfather's name?  Um, no.  His kids are "stuck" with a lifetime of explanations, and I chose to take his name willingly, but why should my kids be inconvenienced with someone else's name when they have a perfectly good name of their own? 

When they were in kindergarten the teachers and I taught them their real names.  My daughter is "Eliza Jane Lastname" and my son is "John Charles Lastname", and the whole world knows them as "Jane & Jack".  Of course, for school, banking, medical insurance, and all legal paperwork, the kids NEED to know their "real names" and be alert to any muck ups in their documentation.  My son probably wouldn't answer to "John" without expecting it, but my daughter knows her whole name from every time I have used it, usually while turning purple, and right before some discipline was handed out.  (Growing up, every kid in the neighborhood knew that when you frustrated a grown up enough to use all your names, you were gonna get it!)

Suze brings up the real reason why the whole things irks me so much- I live in a small town.  K-12 is in one building, and there are fewer than 40 students in each grade.  It isn't a great strain on any of the school staff to remember that the kids' names are different than mine.  People in this community do more than school together, and transfers in and out of the district are uncommon, not the rule.  If a teacher made the suggestion to change their names in a big-city school, I would easily dismiss the issue with a "no thanks!" but in this tiny town,  I expect the staff to know better than to even bring it up for discussion.  Everyone knows the background.
LL
*names used are not 100% accurate. 

PS hey Suze, maybe I should start a thread about the comments their dad suffered with his real name?   ::)
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Suze

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2008, 02:36:16 PM »
Why not Cuz...

They are entertaining
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mlkind1789

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #21 on: March 11, 2008, 01:20:13 PM »
My brothers and I have different last names but it has never been a problem.  My brothers have a different dad than me, so while they share a last name, mine is different.  Its never been a big deal, of course, the fact that they are 17 and 18 years older and we never went to any of the same schools probably has something to do with it. 



When I was told he was my 'half-brother', I got angry, because I've always thought of him as my 'whole' brother. He's my one and only sibling, so I'll be darned if I have to settle for a half-one!

This made me laugh because it reminded me of a story my youngest brother told me from when he was in the Navy.  He was dropping a postcard in the mail to me and talking to one of his shipmates and referred to me as his "half-sister".  The guy looked at him and completely seriously asked "I'm sorry.  What happened?"  He thought I was literally half of a sister.  I still don't know if he thought it was the right or left half, though.   ;D  Even at 10yo when my brother told me that I said "please tell me he was kidding."

ladylucky

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #22 on: April 04, 2008, 02:47:09 AM »
One of my dad's brothers has a different father than him, but my dad said he would never think of him as his "half" brother because he's his brother and that's all there is to it.  I think calling someone a "half" brother or "half" sister makes it sound like they're not good enough to be "whole."  Probably a shaming tactic from the old days when people weren't supposed to ever get divorced or anything. 

tapperjockey

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #23 on: April 04, 2008, 03:21:20 AM »
It probably just comes from the fact that you share half of your parents.  My nephew has two (soon to be three) half sisters. They are all half sisters.  So all of them only share one parent (or half of their genetic material).  One of them has 3 paternal half sisters as well.  The other has one paternal half brother.

KarenH

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #24 on: April 04, 2008, 04:40:50 AM »
"For simplicity perhaps I'll just change them all to your name.  Tell me, is there a space in the middle of 'Meddling $#%*wad,' or do you hyphenate?"

LOL and :::snort:::  (literally)

Suze

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #25 on: April 04, 2008, 05:21:54 AM »
Hey Cuz what about those stories about the kid's Dad 's REAL NAME???????

I think the board would get a real kick out of them
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FunkyMunky

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2008, 11:44:45 PM »
I have a half-sister. I've met each of her three children maybe twice each.  We didn't grow up together, and I didn't even know she existed until I was 9. I consider her my half-sister rather than my sister as the only thing we have in common is genetic material, we really don't know each other.

My aunt's 4 sons all have different last names (and different fathers, she's the world's sweetest woman, with the world's worst luck with men). She is about to revert back to her maiden name, which she will share with only the oldest son. She's never had a problem aside from being called "Mrs. Son'sLastName" at Parent-Teacher nights.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2008, 07:48:58 AM by FunkyMunky »

shadowfox79

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #27 on: April 07, 2008, 04:49:16 AM »
I think calling someone a "half" brother or "half" sister makes it sound like they're not good enough to be "whole."  Probably a shaming tactic from the old days when people weren't supposed to ever get divorced or anything. 

Have you ever seen how it's written in Italian?

I interviewed my half-Italian roommate when I was doing a linguistic project on kin terminology. Half-kin and stepkin aren't differentiated, and are indicated by adding "-astro" to the word - so brother is "fratello" and half-brother "fratellastro".

"-Astro" is generally used to indicate something of inferior quality. The example they gave us was "poetastro" - meaning hack poet. Not a very polite way to refer to your family!

Lisbeth

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Re: Kids' Names- I used it!
« Reply #28 on: April 10, 2008, 02:39:13 PM »
I think that while yes, legal names have to be used on school documents, teachers and school staff (and for that matter everyone else) has no business telling a parent to change her children's names for their convenience.

My response would have been "I'm sorry, but those are their legal names and this subject is closed."  And if I found that any school personnel were giving my children a hard time on account of their names, I'd file complaints and act on them.


But I see it as part of the school's job to make the parents aware of how many problems this is causing when an unhappy child is upset that documents have the "wrong" name on them.  And can you imagine the teasing that would erupt if schoolmates saw that Michael Jones' report card was labelled "Baby Boy Jones"?  I'd hardly call that an issue of "convenience" for the school.


 Wait - you're telling me that these kids have the legal NAME of Baby Boy/Baby Girl? And you're not just using that as an example?  If that's the case I have to agree this is not for the convenience of the school...those kids are in for trouble later on. Can you imagine trying to apply for a job, license,college,  regsiter to vote, join the military, or get married with the "Name" Baby Boy or Baby Girl? Sorry that's just cruel.

Waterwren, I have a last name that got me made fun of throughout my school years, and I've had to live with it.

Yes, IMO it's rotten that parents give their kids names that are easily made fun of, but I don't think it's appropriate for school personnel to tell parents to legally change the kids' names for the school's convenience.  That was the point I was addressing in my post.

I have no problem with teachers telling parents that "LittleOneWithStrangeGivenName gets made fun of on account of her legal name by other kids and it's affecting her school work.  Can we talk about ways of dealing with it?"
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