Birthday gifts when it's not their birthday???

[Felica]

Ok, first off, I'm not going to say anything about this to the perpetrator of this etiquette crime (if it is indeed a crime). It's not worth it and in the end, it didn't matter to the important people in this little episode. I just want to know if my annoyance at it is legit or if I'm being a momzilla. I really can't decide.

This gets a little complicated, so let me know if I am not explaining it clearly. My sons share the same birthday, a year apart. I bought them both Ipods for their birthday gift. A friend (Liz) went with me to buy these Ipods and bought their daughter (Kate) an ipod as well. At the time, I thought it odd, since her daughter's birthday was come and gone, but she can buy her child whatever she likes, whenever she likes. Liz also bought my sons  birthday gifts (books)that were to be from her and Kate. She bought Kate a book as well.

I didn't think too much more about it until she showed up at my house on my sons birthday (she and kate were invited to go to the movies with us). She had in hand four wrapped presents. Two were the books she bought son #1 and #2, the other two were the ipod and book she bought Kate. (Son #1 and #2 had already opened their Ipods after breakfast)

In essence, Kate got birthday gifts on Son #1 and #2's birthday. These kids are 9 (son #2) and 10 (son #1 and Kate), so it's not as if they don't understand that you don't get gifts on other people's birthday. This has been annoying me since it happened. I've thought about it, and I think that it's not that Kate got gifts that bothers me, as much as it is that she was presented them, wrapped and shiny, on my children's birthday, in front of my children.

Now, admittedly, this didn't bother my boys one bit. They were happy with their gifts and could care less that Kate got something too. It only bothers me. With my friend. But I couldn't say exactly why.

So, am I being silly, or does this seem like an etiquette faux pas to everyone else too?

[Chocolate Cake]

Haven't we seen this topic posted before?  Just a week or two ago?

[IndianInlaw]

It does seem peculiar, but if the boys don't mind, let it go.

Poor Kate is being raised to have unreasonable expectations.

[Felica]

Not from me you haven't. Unless you read my blog, It's posted there.

ETA: I think your talking about my post about my friend having a stalker like neighbor. Ipods were involved in both situations, 

[freakyfemme]

It's a bit strange, but maybe Liz wanted her daughter and your sons to have cute "matching" iPods.  They come in nice colours now, so they're sort of part personal music playing device, and part fashion accessory.  But, the proper thing to do would probably have been for Liz to give Kate her iPod at home before coming over to your house.

[Shoo]

Is your friend normally very competitive?  Do you think maybe the fact that your boys were getting such fantastic b-day presents set her competitive nature into overdrive? 

Her timing is suspicious, that's for sure.

[ZipTheWonder]

It's weird to gift-wrap something you have bought for your child and hand it to her at someone else's birthday celebration -- and it's definitely not something I would do.  Most decent people don't try to detract from the celebrations of others by creating their own impromptu mini-celebration in the middle of the main affair. 

In this particular situation, it's also troubling that the mom seems to be announcing that Katie gets birthday-gift-level goodies just for getting out of bed in the morning while Foxxxy's boys have to have a birthday in order to get birthday-gift-level goodies.  I can't speak to the mom's motives, but the appearance of it is that she wants you to recognize that Katie breathes rarified air.

My gut reaction to the whole thing is just "That's weird."   

[MineralDiva]

Sounds like Kate's mom didn't want her to see other children opening presents, when she didn't get one too.  I don't understand why some people can't get the idea that a celebration of someone else's "day" is in honor of that someone else.  It's not about getting "loot" for themselves too!

If she wanted to get something similar for Kate, then she should have given it to her privately.  There's nothing wrong with getting a present "just because," either.  But it sounds like this woman didn't want her widdle pwecious to feel "left out."  Absurd! 

[Eryn]

I've really never agreed with that, and i know someone who used to give all her kids gifts on one siblings birthday, which i think is even worse.

A Kids birthday should be special and the other children should learn they each get a special day where things are just for them and no-one else.

[Twik]

See, that's what I get for scanning a post. In my first reading, I thought the friend was just bringing something for an older sibling, in case she felt left out - at least she was trying to be kind, I thought, so I wouldn't consider it a serious offense.

However, to give her OWN daughter wrapped presents at SOMEONE ELSE'S birthday party? That's very weird. All I can think of to justify doing that would be if her daughter had some serious mental or emotional problems that would get set off seeing anyone get a present if she didn't get distracted by one of her own. In that case, she probably would be better not to take her to parties. If (as I strongly suspect) her daughter is at least relatively stable emotionally, I cannot see this as anything but a "competition" thing, so that her daughter would be shown "See, Mommy can get you presents just as nice as other mommies!"

[andi]

i think it's weird and teaching a level of entitlism that's wrong with many kids/people today

[MineralDiva]

It certainly isn't teaching Kate how to be considerate of others...especially if there's nothing in it for her!

[Metalchick42]

I think that's weird too.  I think its strange to give such an expensive gift for a "non occassion", but even weirder for it to wrapped and given at someone else's birthday party.  Its does sound like competition. 

[pryncsskittyn]

It sounds like a spoiled brat spoiling her brat to me.  Sorry, I don't know these people, but I would have been offended if someone gave gifts to their children (especially such extravagant ones) at MY childs party.  Does this mean that I can give my son an Easter Basket on Christmas? It sounds like she just wanted to steal the boys moment, lucky for you your sons are well mannered enough to let it go.

[rosequilts]

I've seen people do this when children are *very* young (i.e. 2 years old) when the concept of giving gifts and honouring another person's birthday is too much to absorb.  And even at that, the "gift" is usually a small trinket.  But a 10 year old?  Weird.  Just weird.