News: All new forum theme!  See Forum Announcements for more information. 

  • August 30, 2015, 05:26:32 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: We'd rather not have your hospitality....  (Read 1381 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Calypso

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2871
We'd rather not have your hospitality....
« on: August 23, 2015, 10:07:02 PM »
  So....as regards Thanksgiving and Christmas.....
 Our small group consists of two elderly people with handicaps (Mom, DH), three middle aged kids (me, my bro and his wife) and maybe an appearance by bro's 2 adult daughters (don't know if they'll be with their Mom or us this year or somewhere else altogether). Oh, and possibly SIL's sister as well.

Bro and SIL are dear, kind, hospitable people with a comfortable house, but the last few times we've done holidays with them, they exhausted themselves so much cooking way, way too much food, decorating to the nines, and cleaning and shopping and......I know, sounds terrible, right?  ::)  You just have to take my word for it that they overdid, including having to ask us to come later than originally planned and then having to keep cooking for quite a while after we arrived.

Don't get me wrong, they are truly lovely people and we love them, but by the time dinner was over (and who could do justice to it after sampling the 9,000 appetizers and having a drink?) Mom and DH were grey with exhaustion, and I had to take them right home. I couldn't help with clean up, and I felt very guilty knowing I was leaving my (none too healthy themselves) bro and SIL with a ton MORE work.

I've had holidays at my place several times and had a great time doing it (I work in small bits over a longer period of time, and just don't do more than I'm comfortable doing), but SIL is allergic to our cats. She came a couple of Christmases after taking antihistamines, but she says it wasn't really effective and she ended up feeling lousy for days after the last time I hosted.

Last Thanksgiving, Mom and I strongly suggested we all go out ---- we thought it was a great solution, we'd just be able to enjoy each other's company. BIL and Sis didn't want to do that, they wanted to host. OK, we said, how about we buy dinner at Marie Callender's and have it at your house? They said yes to that, but then made so many dishes on top of that (it wasn't enough to have turkey, dressing, veg, rolls, pie, mashed potatoes and stuffing from Marie C---we had to also have ham, sweet potatoes, another veg, salad, different bread, additional desserts, and did I mention the 9,000 appetizers? Did I mention there are (at most) 5 of us, all of us people with not huge appetites? Eeeeek!----it ended up being just as stressful for them (and us)).

Mom, who is 87 and has heart problems, just can't do a long party! She'd much rather visit with Bro and SIL than sit in the next room with us (and the TV on) and a drink while they cook and cook and cook.....

Any ideas how we can gently persuade our sweet family we really, really would prefer to let the pros do the work this year?















gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8820
Re: We'd rather not have your hospitality....
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2015, 10:24:44 PM »

Mom, who is 87 and has heart problems, just can't do a long party! She'd much rather visit with Bro and SIL than sit in the next room with us (and the TV on) and a drink while they cook and cook and cook.....

Any ideas how we can gently persuade our sweet family we really, really would prefer to let the pros do the work this year?

Present it to them exactly like that!  It's just too overwhelming for the older people in the family and they'd rather just have a shorter,  less extravagant meal and more time just talking with people they love.  And actually, so would you!

bopper

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13169
Re: We'd rather not have your hospitality....
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2015, 11:00:16 AM »
My stepmom & Dad would host Christmas eve ...one time she deferred present opening to later to "heighten the anticipation" for the girls..and maybe some neighbors visited too...so we ended up trying to entertain them all evening and then opening presents at 9:30 and then not getting home until midnight and then having to set up our xmas presents and what not. I had to tell her the next year that we will be leaving by 10:00 and that we had to open presents earlier so they had something to play with.  She had no problem and it has been a well oiled machine ever since.

maybe tell them: "I just wanted to talk to you about hosting Thanksgiving...I understand that you guys hosting is the best logistical option.  However, with Mom and Dad, I need to talk to you about starting to change the "goal" of Thanksgiving...up until now you guys are making so much delicious food...but I think we need to think about the length of the  outing vs. the quanitity of (admittedly awesome food).  I think really they are only up to about a 2 hour stint...and they would like that to be sitting with you instead of with us in the den while you guys cook.  That is why we suggested going out.  Now we have no problem going to your house but we have to simplify so I can take them home by 8pm (or whatever).  What do you think about limiting to 2 pre-made appetizers, just Turkey (no ham),  dressing, veg, rolls, pie, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. I can bring some of those so we can reduce the burden on you but also so you can spend more time with Mom and Dad.  In no way am I denigrating your food or dismissing the effort you are undertaking, I think it is just too much for Mom and Dad.   What do you think?"


pierrotlunaire0

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4622
  • I'm the cat's aunt!
Re: We'd rather not have your hospitality....
« Reply #3 on: August 25, 2015, 07:40:34 PM »
Boy, that is a tough one, only because they are trying so hard and mean well.  I think Bopper's idea is the best.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy