I can't believe I got her name wrong!

[babEcakes]

Hi all,

I've been watching the board for a while now and really enjoy it.  Now I'm in my own etiquette hell.

I feel terrible about this blunder, but I'm not sure what I should do.  I was married six months ago, and included as a guest was my sister-in-laws' mother and father in law.  My husbands family and their family are really close, as their children have been married for 15 years.  We are fairly close with them also, consequently they were invited to and attended our wedding.  I have always know them as Norma and Marcel.  (They are French-Canadian.)  Over the weekend I received an invitation for an anniversary party for Normanda and Marcel!!!  I am horrified.  For almost 6 years I thought her name was Norma, as that is what everyone calls her.  I have never witnessed her called by her "proper" name.  Norma is what I wrote on my formal wedding invitations, and on my Thank you notes.

I don't know what I should do.  Any suggestions?

[Chocolate Cake]

I don't know that a true faux pas has been committed here.  If "Norma" is what everyone calls her, it would seem to me that you are in the clear by doing so also.

[Kirasabu]

Well obviously, she couldn't care less! Just forget about it, or apologise quietly at their anniversary do if you really want to.

[MrsP81]

I wouldn't worry about it. Its not like you just called her some random name - that is what everyone calls her.

[pryncsskittyn]

You were never notified of her formal name, so don't assume you are at fault.  Knowing they were being invited to your event, someone would have informed you along the way if it was deemed appropraite.  Don't fuss over it.  I do agree with Kirasabu.  If you feel it bothers you that much, quietly say something at this upcomming event and appologize, I get the feeling she'll laugh it off and say it didn't bother her.

[housewife2k]

Really, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure that if it bothered her, than sometime over the last six years, she would have corected you. I let friends and family use the truncated version of my name, and take no offense to them addressing invites to Name, as opposed to Name-Name. I agree with another poster, if it is really bothering you, than quietly appologize at the anniversary party, and leave it at thet. Maybe tuck the info away for adressing future invites and cards.

[Virg]

I agree with the others.  Since you were introduced to her as "Norma" and nobody ever notified you otherwise, you've committed no faux pas by using that name.  Now that you know, you might ask in passing next time you see her to see if she'd enjoy formal invitations and such being addressed "Normanda", but as it is you've got nothing to apologize for.  Besides, having sent thank you notes you've probably beaten out quite a few others for classiness.

Virg

[babEcakes]

Whew!  Thanks everyone.  It sounds like it's not as big of a deal as I thought.  I appreciate all the advice.  I think I'll quietly appoligize, ask her preference and leave it at that.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

Hi all,

I've been watching the board for a while now and really enjoy it.  Now I'm in my own etiquette hell.

I feel terrible about this blunder, but I'm not sure what I should do.  I was married six months ago, and included as a guest was my sister-in-laws' mother and father in law.  My husbands family and their family are really close, as their children have been married for 15 years.  We are fairly close with them also, consequently they were invited to and attended our wedding.  I have always know them as Norma and Marcel.  (They are French-Canadian.)  Over the weekend I received an invitation for an anniversary party for Normanda and Marcel!!!  I am horrified.  For almost 6 years I thought her name was Norma, as that is what everyone calls her.  I have never witnessed her called by her "proper" name.  Norma is what I wrote on my formal wedding invitations, and on my Thank you notes.

I don't know what I should do.  Any suggestions?

I think you are OK, it seems people call her Norma.  Imagine my dismay when I was gently informed I have been calling Jellybean's aunt by the wrong name for 4 years...
but he calls her the wrong thing too, so I guess I am OK.  I have called her Dianne...Jellybean calls her Dianne, I think BIL and SIL do as well..her name is DIANNA...;I think Jellybeans mom called her Dianne, and since FIL calls her Sis, it has just been passed down incorrectly.  She has always been very polite and signed my name correctly, which is nice since half the family still thinks it starts with a "Z".

[Katharine]

I think you are fine. "Norma" could be a full name so it wouldn't even occur to me to ask otherwise. Now if you had been calling her something like "Kate" that is usually a shortened name it might have been proper to ask for her full name for invitations.

[scotcat]

"Norma" could be a full name

It is, I have a cousin called Norma, but I've never heard the name Normanda.

I think the OP hasn't gott too much to worry about. Now if she'd called her by a name not even remotely like her own, then there would have been reason to worry.

[Cellardoor14]

If it makes you feel any better I called Dh's friend's wife, "Norma" for about six months.

(Though we did not see them that often.)

Finally, DH asked if I knew her name wasn't "Norma" it was "Nora".

No I didn't.  I don't really get my jollies by calling someone the wrong name public.

Oh well.  She never said anything one way or the other, but I was still so embarrassed.

[Xanthia, Maker of fine Tin-foil hats since 2007]

If it makes you feel any better I called Dh's friend's wife, "Norma" for about six months.

(Though we did not see them that often.)

Finally, DH asked if I knew her name wasn't "Norma" it was "Nora".

No I didn't.  I don't really get my jollies by calling someone the wrong name public.

Oh well.  She never said anything one way or the other, but I was still so embarrassed.

Close friends of ours are from Dubai and SA, the gentleman finally conceded and goes by "Max" in professional settings because he got a lot of resistance to his real name and people do not take the time to pronounce it correctly, we call him by his correct name.  His wife is named Aweina, pronounced A (short a sound)-wane (long a sound)-na (short a sound).  She has a friend that has known her for 5 or 6 years who calls her Edwina.  I noticed it at a party once and went to Aweina and asked her "Are Jellybean and I mispronouncing your name, he has known you for 15 years!" she said no, we were saying it right, the other woman just said it wrong, and she tried to correct her, and now just lets it go.  Now, I tease her and call her Eddie sometimes, she is OK with it and finds it funny because we were watching an Eddie Murphy stand up where he was saying abut his "ex-wife"  EDDIE, GIVE ME HALF...EDDIE, what have you done for me lately!!!

[Slartibartfast]

DH and I were married in May, and it wasn't until this Christmas (so at least 5 years after meeting his family!) that I learned our nephiew is "Mat", not "Matt" or anything short for "Matthew."  So after all the deliberating about how to put the kids' names on the wedding invitation, and I got his name wrong anyway :-|