Babysitting

[mbbored]

My sister is 8 years older than me, and we haven't lived near each other for 14 years.  Now she's married with 2 toddlers and we live only 4 blocks apart and work for the same company.  As I don't have any kids of my own and I live so close, I'm their primary babysitter, which I love.  My sister is always thankful, and constantly reminds me that I don't have to sit, as she knows I have a life of my own.  Well, a little snafu has arisen and I want to know how to handle it.

Two months ago, my boyfriend bought front row tickets for us to go see a concert a week from today.  Two weeks ago, my sister asked me if I was free to babysit for tonight.  She had signed herself and her husband up for cooking classes as a Christmas present.  I said sure, and wrote it down in my calendar.  I bet you can all see where this is all going.

Last night dear BF and I were out to dinner with some friends, when one of them asked if we were excited about the concert for tonight.  We said, yes we're excited, but it's next week.  Our friend showed us his ticket for tonight's concert, prompting my boyfriend to check ours as well.  Of course he had written the date down wrong.  I called my sister and explained that we had these tickets for months, but due to a confusion I wasn't aware of the real date until right then.  I asked if it was possible for her to find another sitter, and that if it wasn't, I'd be more than happy to sell my ticket and watch her kids.

This morning on the way in to work (we carpool), she informed me that our mother would be coming to watching my niece and nephew, but that she was very disappointed in me.  She had given me two weeks notice, and she hated making my mother drive 30 minutes on a week night to watch her kids.  I apologized thoroughly, and offered to watch her kids for free this weekend, which she said would go a long way to making up for it.  She didn't say anything else about it, but the rest of our conversation in the car was cool and a little bit forced.  When we parted ways she said we had to leave early today and to please remember it.  Once at work, I got an email from my mother saying she was so excited I had cancelled so she could see her grandkids tonight.

What should I do now?  I'm inclined to just drop it, but should I apologize again to my sister?  If this had been anybody else I sat for, I think I would have handled it the same way:  cancelling only for something important, notifying them immediately and insisting on sitting if nobody else was available.  If it was anybody else, I would have also offered to help find another sitter, but I know my sister only trusts one close friend, myself and our mother to watch her kids.

Thanks in advance!

[Irish Clovers]

It was an honest mistake and frankly, her kids are not your responsibility.  I think originally apologizing for it was enough and you don't need to do it again. 

[Chocolate Cake]

I think your sister needs to get a grip.  It seems that you've spoiled her by your easy availability (does she even pay you?) and now you have a spoiled sister on your hands.

Apologizing was enough.  People make mistakes.  It happens.   She was able to get another sitter just fine.  Having to now grovel by offering to sit this weekend (and STILL she was cool to you) is just too much. 

I suggest that you make yourself less available to her (like one out of every two or three times she asks) for the next few months until she gets a more grateful attitude.   

[lolane]

I don't think you need to apologize again. You have already done enough. If your sister brings it up again then I would simply say, "I know you're dissapointed and I'm sorry about that, however, I made a mistake and I've already apologized for it." If she continued on then I would just say, "I've already said what I have to say about this situation, I've moved on and I hope that you will too."

You have not done anything wrong, mistakes happen, and you should not feel guilted into trying to make ammends.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I don't think you need to apologize again. You have already done enough. If your sister brings it up again then I would simply say, "I know you're dissapointed and I'm sorry about that, however, I made a mistake and I've already apologized for it." If she continued on then I would just say, "I've already said what I have to say about this situation, I've moved on and I hope that you will too."

You have not done anything wrong, mistakes happen, and you should not feel guilted into trying to make ammends.

ITA...you've done plenty, and you dont need to 'make it up' to her by babysitting this weekend, though it was a nice gesture.  Mistakes happen, and you were contrite, so the issue should be overwith by now.

[VorFemme]

A)  You have done your best by your sister.  Grandmothers need a chance to spend time with the kids, too!

B)  You might want to start checking the dates on tickets when purchased so that the calendar can be marked once (we hope correctly) instead of twice (when something turns out to be "remembered" wrong).  Been there, done that, missed the event at least once when it was DH's fault and once when it was MY fault.  Couldn't do much about the second baby coming a month early, though.......DH took the DD, instead.

C)  Sis needs to get a grip on reality - free babysitters are worth their weight in rubies.  She should be buying you books, hobby materials, chocolate, or fixing you dinner on a regular basis for the baby sitting that you are doing.  Complaining about a scheduling error - while it might be annoying - it didn't mean that SHE had to cancel her plans, after all - is a complain once (at the most) and then DROP IT.  It's not like you did it on purpose............

[Linley]

I think she was out of line, she is making a much bigger deal out of it than is necessary. I also find the use of the phrase "I'm disappointed in you," and the general tenor of the conversation, condescending, it has an element of talking down to you. Don't babysit for her for free this weekend, making yourself abject with contrition will only make her think she's in the right and she isn't.

[SunkissableOne]

I think you've already done enough.  It says a lot that you were willing to not go to your concert for her.  She should realize this and appologize to you for acting to rude.

[Sharnita]

I am going to disagree with previous posters here just a bit. While I do agree that there is not much you can do about this, I do think sis is justified in being peeved. You indicate youlike babysitting and she is fine whith you declining. That isn't what happened here. You commited to something and then backed out - very last minute.

Parents need to plan ahead, which she did. Last minute changes are hugely problematic and stressful. Thus an evening she looked forward to suddenly becomes a crisis she needs to manage. SHe then has to impose herself on mom last minute.

If some random parent on here posted, upset because a "professional" babysitter had cancelled last minute, I think we'd sympathize. This is a class they'd already signed up for so if not replacement was found sis would have lost out on the opportunity and any money she put down. Sis is entitled to feel miffed. Sometimes you screw up and though it wasn't intentional it is still your screw up.

[Chocolate Cake]

But, Sharnita, do you think that the sister was still justified to be "cool" towards her even after she expressed remorse, sincerely apologized, AND offered to sit this weekend?   

Do you think that the sister has the right to be "cool" considering that she doesn't pay for the babysitting she has been receiving frequently all the way along?

[ShadesOfGrey]

Sis is entitled to feel miffed. Sometimes you screw up and though it wasn't intentional it is still your screw up.

very true, I think what everybody is responding to is the fact that she continued to be miffed after the incident was sincerely apologized for and offered to be made up for, especially since it was for a valid reason, and the OP offered to SKIP her plans (that she had had for months, btw) AND she did find babysitting in time to not incur any losses. 

Miffed? Perhaps even outrighly annoyed? Understandable.

Entitled? Not so much. 

[Alida]

With how often you sit and how gracious you've been with sitting for her children, I think Sister needs to chill out a bit.  You made an honest mistake, it's not as if you sat and planned on this.  Even more to your credit, you offered to sell your tickets (way above and beyond the call of duty).

[NYGirl100]

Sis is entitled to feel miffed. Sometimes you screw up and though it wasn't intentional it is still your screw up.

very true, I think what everybody is responding to is the fact that she continued to be miffed after the incident was sincerely apologized for and offered to be made up for, especially since it was for a valid reason, and the OP offered to SKIP her plans (that she had had for months, btw) AND she did find babysitting in time to not incur any losses. 

Miffed? Perhaps even outrighly annoyed? Understandable.

Entitled? Not so much. 

Actually, the OP just said that for the rest of the car ride the conversation continued to be cool and forced, not that the sister continued to be miffed for much longer than that.  I agree with everyone who said that the OP has done enough and should not keep apologizing, but I also think that we need to give the sister a bit of a break.  She was justifiably annoyed, and even after the OP apologized and offered all this stuff, sometimes it does take a little time to get rid of the annoyed feeling, and the rest of the car ride might not be enough. 

[ShadesOfGrey]

Sis is entitled to feel miffed. Sometimes you screw up and though it wasn't intentional it is still your screw up.

very true, I think what everybody is responding to is the fact that she continued to be miffed after the incident was sincerely apologized for and offered to be made up for, especially since it was for a valid reason, and the OP offered to SKIP her plans (that she had had for months, btw) AND she did find babysitting in time to not incur any losses. 

Miffed? Perhaps even outrighly annoyed? Understandable.

Entitled? Not so much. 

Actually, the OP just said that for the rest of the car ride the conversation continued to be cool and forced, not that the sister continued to be miffed for much longer than that.  I agree with everyone who said that the OP has done enough and should not keep apologizing, but I also think that we need to give the sister a bit of a break.  She was justifiably annoyed, and even after the OP apologized and offered all this stuff, sometimes it does take a little time to get rid of the annoyed feeling, and the rest of the car ride might not be enough. 

Good point - I agree it sometimes takes time to get over feelings, and perhaps the OP was a little sensitive (evidenced by the fact that she feels so strongly over a simple mistake), but I just dont think that it is appropriate to take out her aggravation on her sister.  She did harp on it by (1) telling her sister she was 'disappointed in her' and (2) trying to make her feel guilty about her alternate arrangements with the grandmother, (3) not to mention the comment about 'making up for it.'  Remember, she is telling the OP all this the DAY AFTER she had called to cancel and apologize.

All those things put together make me think it was more of an overreaction on her part, which is why I say the OP doesnt need to apologize again, both should just drop it at this point. The advice given by lolane would be very appropriate if it comes up again. 

[ZipTheWonder]

I think your sister should take a Chill Pill.  You offered to cancel your plans, your sister has a sitter taking your place, and your mother is happy to be tending the children....so what could possibly be the problem she is having?  There is no need for her to stew for one second longer than it took for her to arrange for your mother to sit instead of you.