Babysitting

[ZipTheWonder]

She was justifiably annoyed..... 

I have a big rule at my house: "Be realllllly good to the babysitter."  It's one thing to be justifiably annoyed, yet another thing to convey it to the subject of your annoyance, especially when that subject is a good babysitter.  No way would I risk cheesing off a good babysitter for a problem that was so easily and happily solved.  SO not worth it!

[NYGirl100]

Sis is entitled to feel miffed. Sometimes you screw up and though it wasn't intentional it is still your screw up.

very true, I think what everybody is responding to is the fact that she continued to be miffed after the incident was sincerely apologized for and offered to be made up for, especially since it was for a valid reason, and the OP offered to SKIP her plans (that she had had for months, btw) AND she did find babysitting in time to not incur any losses. 

Miffed? Perhaps even outrighly annoyed? Understandable.

Entitled? Not so much. 

Actually, the OP just said that for the rest of the car ride the conversation continued to be cool and forced, not that the sister continued to be miffed for much longer than that.  I agree with everyone who said that the OP has done enough and should not keep apologizing, but I also think that we need to give the sister a bit of a break.  She was justifiably annoyed, and even after the OP apologized and offered all this stuff, sometimes it does take a little time to get rid of the annoyed feeling, and the rest of the car ride might not be enough. 

Good point - I agree it sometimes takes time to get over feelings, and perhaps the OP was a little sensitive (evidenced by the fact that she feels so strongly over a simple mistake), but I just dont think that it is appropriate to take out her aggravation on her sister.  She did harp on it by (1) telling her sister she was 'disappointed in her' and (2) trying to make her feel guilty about her alternate arrangements with the grandmother, (3) not to mention the comment about 'making up for it.'  Remember, she is telling the OP all this the DAY AFTER she had called to cancel and apologize.

All those things put together make me think it was more of an overreaction on her part, which is why I say the OP doesnt need to apologize again, both should just drop it at this point. The advice given by lolane would be very appropriate if it comes up again. 

Sorry - I miss the part when the OP apologized the day before.  I did say I agreed that the OP didn't need to do anything more - she has already done enough. 

[caranfin]

Do you think that the sister has the right to be "cool" considering that she doesn't pay for the babysitting she has been receiving frequently all the way along?

Actually, since the OP volunteered to babysit "for free" that weekend to make up for it, I assumed she had been getting paid for her regular sitting.

That doesn't excuse the sister's rudeness, though... people make mistakes; get over it!

[Rach]

For me, the main point here is that the OP did not cancel.

She only mentioned the mistake and asked if it was possible to find another sitter. She was going to honour her commitment if no one else could take over.

I think because of this, the sister's reaction was unreasonable.

[lyriccoloratura]

The OP might want to forward her mother's e-mail to her sister, so she doesn't have the "feel bad about imposing on Mom" excuse.

[fklwmn]

For me, the main point here is that the OP did not cancel.

She only mentioned the mistake and asked if it was possible to find another sitter. She was going to honour her commitment if no one else could take over.

I think because of this, the sister's reaction was unreasonable.

This was exactly my take on it. sis had every opportunity to say "I'm sorry, butI can't possibly find anyone else at this late date" and OP would have cancelled her plans and babysat. Because of this, I think sis could be SLIGHTLY annoyed, but should have been over it by the next day and even if she wasn't she didn't need to lay a guilt trip (b/c that is SO what this was) on the OP.

[Hawkwatcher]

I think she was out of line, she is making a much bigger deal out of it than is necessary. I also find the use of the phrase "I'm disappointed in you," and the general tenor of the conversation, condescending, it has an element of talking down to you. Don't babysit for her for free this weekend, making yourself abject with contrition will only make her think she's in the right and she isn't.

I agree that the phrase "I am disappointed in you" is an extremely condescending thing for one adult to say to another adult and that the OP's sister is making too big of a deal out of an innocent mistake than necessary.  I also think that the OP has done more than most people would to try to make it up to her sister and her sister does not appreciate her efforts. 

Personally, I would babysit for free this weekend because I offered to do so, but I would make it clear that this was the last time I would ever be babysitting for her.  In the future, she would have to find another baby sitter.

[Athos_000]

I agree with those who said that the OP should make herself less available to babysit in the future. The sister may have felt annoyed that there was a momentary snarl in her plans, but the OP did not actually cancel on her, she would have sold her ticket and babysat if there was no one else available to watch the kids. Carrying this on to the point of  a "I am disappointed in you" guilt trip is really too much. 

If I were in this situation I would rarely babysit for my sister again.

[Hazelthyme]

I'm with the majority here.  Ultimately, Sis's kids are her responsibility and not the OP's. 

Reliable babysitters are a blessing, and free reliable babysitters are even more so ... but Sis's kids are still her responsibility.  Now and then, even the best babysitter has to cancel at the last minute, due to illness or personal emergency or even (as in the OP's case) a weird scheduling hiccup.  Most parents understand this, and realize that they'll occasionally need to cancel their own plans as a result.  Them's the beans. 

If I hire a babysitter, I'm totally within my rights to tell her what I expect of her in exchange for what I'm paying -- cook the kids' meals, wash the dishes, cut the dog's toenails, whatever.  (Likewise, she's equally free to decline the job or ask for more money if she doesn't like what I'm offering.)  However, if a friend or relative volunteers to babysit my children for free, that's a gift.  If I had a free sitter like this, and s/he regularly flaked out on me at the last minute, I'd probably stop asking her to sit (at least for things where a last-minute cancellation would be a problem) -- but as she wasn't obligated to provide me with free child care in the first place, I can't see straining the relationship just over this.  And I certainly can't see getting bent out of shape over the OP's single honest mistake -- I'd be too worried that this would spell the end of my free babysitting!

-HB

[Daquiri40]

I agree that the phrase "I am disappointed in you" is an extremely condescending thing for one adult to say to another adult and that the OP's sister is making too big of a deal out of an innocent mistake than necessary. 

My mother used to say this to me when I was 8 or so.  It just about killed me.  I get extremely hostile if anyone says it to me.  I had a "friend" say it to me once and I reacted badly.
One adult does not say it to another, even if the other adult IS their child.
I'd tell sister to get over it and quickly.

[Slartibartfast]

"I am disappointed in you" also implies ". . . because it is your duty to do things of which I would approve, and you're not following my authority."  This works for small children, but if one adult is NOT in a superior-subordinate relationship with the other, adults have no business using this phrase with each other.

[EvilAlice]

I agree that it might be a good idea to back off the babysitting.  Yes, your sister had a right to be annoyed, but it was an honest mistake on your part and you've given her no reason to think you did this lightly, since you did offer to blow off your fun so she could have hers.  It sounds like she's getting a little too used to the idea of you being available whenever she wants.  It wasn't enough that you offered to miss your concert- she's mad that your Glorious Night of Babysitting wasn't a red letter day on your calendar, like it was on hers.

[LifeOnPluto]

Agree with the majority.

If the OP had said "Sorry sis, turns out I'm off to a concert tonight! You'll to find someone else to babysit your sprogs!" that would have been rude.

But the fact the OP offered to skip the concert and honour her prior commitment, negates any "scheduling stuff-up" the OP might have made. If the sister had no trouble getting another babysitter, then no harm was done, and the sister needs to get over it.

[NotCinderell]

For me, the main point here is that the OP did not cancel.

She only mentioned the mistake and asked if it was possible to find another sitter. She was going to honour her commitment if no one else could take over.

I think because of this, the sister's reaction was unreasonable.

Pod to that.  If the sister were really that mad, she could have demanded (rightfully) that the OP cancel her plans.  She has no right to say that it's okay and then still be angry.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Pod to that.  If the sister were really that mad, she could have demanded (rightfully) that the OP cancel her plans.  She has no right to say that it's okay and then still be angry.

I also think that the OP could have said no (rightfully) to canceling, since her plans were made months in advance of her babysitting plans.