Babysitting

[Sharnita]

Yes OP could say no - when she was asked. Renigging two weeks later because hubby got the date of the concert wrong would be totally obnoxious and irresponsible.

[ShadesOfGrey]

Yes OP could say no - when she was asked. Renigging two weeks later because hubby got the date of the concert wrong would be totally obnoxious and irresponsible.

suprising and frustrating for the sister - yes, but for an otherwise responsible person who is sufficiently apologetic, I tend toward 'honest mistake' rather than irresponsible.  Obnoxious takes a lot more to reach too for me. 

I dont get why her committment with her bf needs to take a back seat to her committment to her sister.  I totally agree, she put her sister in a tough spot, but that happens sometimes in life.  People get over it.  Like another poster said, if it comes down to it, sometimes as being a parent, one must stay home from scheduled activities due to circumstances beyond one's control (like babysitter canceling the day before).

jmo, though, it's obvious many will disagree with me. 

[LifeOnPluto]

If the sister HAD insisted that the OP cancel her plans, the OP should have gone to the concert and sent her BF in her place to babysit the kids - after all, he was the one who made the error.

[Sharnita]

She commited to her her boyfriend for the date he mentioned. The fact that he does not know what date the concert is on is on him. She commited to sis for the date sis mentioned. I think it unreasonable to say, "Though bf asked me to go this date, he meant the other date so sis goes on the back burner." Heartstar! has it right - bf should have stepped in if another babysitter could not be found.

[mrsbrandt]

I might be wrong, but when most people (not specifically the OP) offer to not go to an event so they can honor a prior committment it isn't genuine and often creates a situation of hurt feelings. 

I've had a babysitter back out on me the night before an event, because she got a much better job offer. I couldn't deny her the opportunity of making $300 vs. $40 (what I would have paid) that night, because it might hurt our relationship and I'd have felt guilty since she really needed the money.  Even though my babysitter offerred not to go to her better offer, I couldn't let her do it.

I get the feeling the sister was put into a similar situation.  I'm sure sister didn't want OP to miss out on a once in lifetime concert, and I can't blame her for still being put off about having to find another sitter.  And maybe sister doesn't like leaving the kids with MIL - it definitely sounds like sister wasn't thrilled about the prospect.  I don't think the sister handled it properly, she shouldn't have been so condescending - but I can totally understand about her having sore feelings about it the next day.  Although, OP's offer for babysitting should have totally smoothed things over and I'm sure it did after that offer had already been completed.

[Sharnita]

I am with you mrsbrandt. I just keep imagining the post from sis's POV...

"I asked my sister two weeks ago if she'd babysit my kids. I always assure her that I will understand if she can't/doesn't want to babysit. Sis told me she'd be happy to babysit so hubby and I could go to a cooling class together. It is his/my Christmas present. Two weeks later, a few hours before we are supposed to head to class, I get a call from sis. It seems she has had tickets to a concert tonight. In fact, she has had the tickets for 2 months. It sems she and bf never checked the date on the tickets and thought it was next week. Sis asked if I could find someone else to babysit but said if i couldn't she would skip her concert.

I didn't know what to say. If I had enough warning I would have had no problem finding another babystitter. I started to stress about who, if anyone, would be available. I certainly didn't want to make sis miss her concert because that would also effectively ruin her bf's night as well. I finally decided to call mom and ask her to babysit the kids, though I was reluctant to ask mom because (insert personal reason here). By the time I explained to the kids that auntie wasn't coming over like we thought, the excitement of my night out had faded a little. Luckily, Mom could babysit, though I was still a little concerned because (insert explanation here).

The next morning I'm driving to work with sis (we carpool) and I was still a little grumpy becasue of all the last minute scrambling I went through the day before. I tried to avoid to much conversation with sis but she kept pushing me to talk. Finally I told her I was disappointed by her and just needed a little while to get past it. Sis offered to babysit this weekend for free and I did assure her that that made me feel better but I was still kind of hurt and upset that she put me into an uncomfortable/stressful situation just because she and bf didn't know what night their concert was."

[mrsbrandt]

FWIW Sharnita, I think the Op's sister had 2 weeks to find a new sister, it wasn't a night/hours before of kinda thing.  But even so as a parent (and a total control freak) I hate having to change my plans for a sitter, after I already have things planned out.  I'm normally flexible enough to be able to hide any discomfort though - but sometimes those icky feelings tend to linger.

[DottyG]

FWIW Sharnita, I think the Op's sister had 2 weeks to find a new sister, it wasn't a night/hours before of kinda thing.

See, that's the crux of the whole matter.  She was so upset that she had to hunt around for a new sister!

[goblue2539]

I told her I was disappointed by her

I realize it's a very small word, but to me it changes the entire meaning.  According to the OP, sister didn't say she was disappointed by her, but disappointed in her.  By implies an action causing the disappointment, In implies a character trait.  Someone being disappointed with something I did, I can address, apologize for and handle.  Someone being disappointed in a trait of me just being me is a lot harder to overcome, on both sides.  I can promise to be more aware of my actions, but I can't promise to change my personality to make someone else happy. 

I also realize that I could be completely wrong with what actually was said or implied to the OP.  This is just how it came across to me. 

[NYGirl100]

FWIW Sharnita, I think the Op's sister had 2 weeks to find a new sister, it wasn't a night/hours before of kinda thing. 

Actually, this isn't true.  If you read the OP again, she said that two weeks ago her sister asked her to babysit, and the night she was supposed to babysit, she found out the concert was that same night.  See the relevant lines below from the OP.  So the sister did have to find a babysitter at the last minute. 

Two weeks ago, my sister asked me if I was free to babysit for tonight... 

Last night dear BF and I were out to dinner with some friends, when one of them asked if we were excited about the concert for tonight.  We said, yes we're excited, but it's next week.  Our friend showed us his ticket for tonight's concert, prompting my boyfriend to check ours as well.  Of course he had written the date down wrong. 

[NYGirl100]

FWIW Sharnita, I think the Op's sister had 2 weeks to find a new sister, it wasn't a night/hours before of kinda thing. 

Actually, this isn't true.  If you read the OP again, she said that two weeks ago her sister asked her to babysit, and the night before she was supposed to babysit, she found out the concert was that same night.  See the relevant lines below from the OP.  So the sister did have to find a babysitter the day before her cooking class.

Two weeks ago, my sister asked me if I was free to babysit for tonight... 

Last night dear BF and I were out to dinner with some friends, when one of them asked if we were excited about the concert for tonight.  We said, yes we're excited, but it's next week.  Our friend showed us his ticket for tonight's concert, prompting my boyfriend to check ours as well.  Of course he had written the date down wrong. 

[Sharnita]

I just had a sudden thought. I wonder if BF is relieved that sis and OP are having this tiff because it allows him to fly under the radar and avoid getting in trouble fo screwing up the date. 

[mrsbrandt]

Sorry I totally messed up my previous post.  I didn't realize that it was the night before the concert when the sister got notice that OP couldn't make it.  I could definitely see being pissed off.  And I could even see being cold the next day.  Saying your disappointed in someone - that's a bit harsh.  You don't have to be uber friendly if you're still feeling touchy, but you can't go out and be directly condescending.

[NYGirl100]

Sorry I totally messed up my previous post.  I didn't realize that it was the night before the concert when the sister got notice that OP couldn't make it.  I could definitely see being pissed off.  And I could even see being cold the next day.  Saying your disappointed in someone - that's a bit harsh.  You don't have to be uber friendly if you're still feeling touchy, but you can't go out and be directly condescending.

I agree with you.  The OP has definitely done enough to apologize and Sis shouldn't be condenscending.  I just wanted to clarify that Sis found out the night before, not two weeks before.