I'm a Jerk :(

[Lizmo]

Hi!  I'm the girl that posted the thread about the baby gift earlier today.  I'm back, and I think I have done something this time.  Earlier today I was having a conversation with some other people about clothing and second hand things.  I'm an only child, so I never had to wear hand me downs.  I like stores like the Goodwill in theory, but I have never been able to shop there.  Somethin about not knowing where the clothes have been before my body, it just creeps me out.  I do not think anyone who wears second hand things are bad, dirty, gross, NOT AT ALL.  I just can't do it.  I'm weird.  So I made the mistake of mentioning not liking that sort of thing, and this other girl has been giving me a hard time about it.  She is joking and it's all in fun, but it makes me feel bad.  She has said things like "I was the youngest of 3 so I had to wear hand me downs all the time" and "I like to shop at Goodwill."  I wasn't arguing or anything, and I felt like a jerk when it came out of my mouth.  Just now she tried to give me money that she owed me, and I told her just to give me 2 $, as she doesn't get paid (she's a volunteer) and I get a paycheck each month.  She responded back with "Yeah, so maybe I won't have to shop at the Goodwill anymore."

She seems really nice, and is being playful, but I think I really put my foot in my mouth this time.

[Chocolate Cake]

Well....you can either suffer through this forever from her and who ever else she tells or who ever else overhears her talking to you about it OR you can cut this whole thing short by:

On Monday, come in and say, "After our conversation about hand-me-downs last week, I decided to check out Goodwill this week-end.   I couldn't believe all the good stuff there.  I bought a purse!  It was such a bargain.  I totally see now why so many people like to shop there!  I'll bring it sometime."

Then....never bring it up again.  If she ever asks to see the purse, just show her the latest one you bought.  Unless it's something like the newest Coach bag just released on the market, she'll never know the difference.

[behindbj]

Depends on how you said it - and how secure the other person is.

If there weren't used things for sale, my house would be mostly empty.  I also know people who have the woogies about used things.  Some of them can be nasty.

Doesn't matter to me what they think - a good used freezer is as good as a new one.  I have never owned a new car - and I have kept every car I've had for over 10 years (including the latest "new" used car I have).  Doesn't mean I think any less of someone who buys a new car every year.

And it leaves me with funds to go on nice trips to All Star Games - which is what I tell these people when they say they wish they could afford trips like that (believe me - it's not like I stay at the Waldorf-Astoria).

If you said it matter-of-factly, without judgement, then it's her insecurities speaking.  I know that may not help you, but it helps to understand that it's not always about you or something you did.

If you said "Ewwwww gross - only poor people and idiots buy used things!" well - that's a problem.

behindbj

[Slartibartfast]

I'm the same way about fabric-based things (towels, clothes, upholstered furniture, etc).  I feel like you can never *quite* clean the stranger-cooties off them.  However, if this were me, I would put a stop to this NOW before she says something that will make other people in the vicinity think you're uppity.  Something like "Hey, I appreciate that you're joking, but I really have no problem with Goodwill in general.  I just don't feel comfortable (whatever reason you want to give, whether or not it's the real one).  I don't like to tell everyone that, though, because I know most people have no problem with it.  Please drop the subject, okay?"

[hobish]

I don't think you are a jerk.

I get the impression your co-worker's form of joking around is to enjoy pushing people's buttons. Sounds like she got to ya this time.

Unless she thinks you seriously do look down on her, or if you are truly bothered by her joking, i'd just let it go. I can understand though, how the button-pushing type of joking can really get to a person. Been there. In that case, i tink the other posters have given some good advice.

good luck

[willow2483]

I don't shop at Goodwill, but you would be amazed at what you can find in a good consignment store!  I needed a cocktail dress for a wedding, and I went to one in my area.  I found a dress that still had the tags on it (marked $120) and I got it for $28.  But if you are uncomfortable with that idea as well, I second the idea of "buying" a purse at Goodwill!

[IndianInlaw]

I LOVVVVVE to shop at Goodwill.  Regular stores overwhelm me!

Anyways, if people like you  didn't buy new stuff....what would they have to donate?


 

[Bijou]

I LOVVVVVE to shop at Goodwill.  Regular stores overwhelm me!

Anyways, if people like you  didn't buy new stuff....what would they have to donate?


 

I love thrift stores but I don't buy clothing there because the ones in our area do not clean the stuff before putting it out and I think it is risky.  But for other stuff, non-fabric, I love them.  (You would not believe the filth I found on a pair of trousers.  And it was a fancy place, too.  It was disgusting and I'm not kidding.)

[Chocolate Cake]

Should the bedbug infestation get going again in this country like it's threatening to do, never buy any upholstered furniture or soft home furnishings from second hand stores or you'll inherit a whole mess of problems...medical and financial (cause about the only way to get rid of them in your home is to throw just about everything out).

[freakyfemme]

If it makes you feel any better, I had a similar thing happen today.  I was in the music office with some other girls, including Princess Mezzodiva (amazing singer, and a really nice girl).  Anyway, PM has a really good sense of style, so I pointed out that we were wearing the same earrings today (pearl studs), and that I'd gotten mine for Christmas, and they were like hers (which she'd had before), and she replied "Freaky, I think yours could be REAL.......mine aren't," and, without thinking, I replied, "They *are* real," which is true, but probably sounded snotty.  I apologized immediately, of course......but, it's just one of those things I have to watch, I mean, I hadn't known that PM's earrings weren't the real deal, and I don't think it's important, but I hate saying things that imply that something of mine is better than someone else's, because having nicer things doesn't make me a better person in any way.  But then, PM has an iPod, and I don't.....I could probably have one if I wanted, but I'm deliberately waiting until my Discman breaks or wears out.

[IndianInlaw]

Really, I'll wear Goodwill clothes (not undies or shoes), but will not use the dishes.

My friend Mary dressed her kids and decorated her house from Goodwill and tag sales.  The kids looked like models and her house looked like Martha Stewart lived there.

I guess it's an art.

[Just Lori]

I guess it's an art.

I am a Lazy Shopper.  I can't wade through a bunch of green shirts to find the one that will fit me.  The same concept applies to my department store shopping trips.  When I walk into a store, I would like the right item to be front and center, preferably in my size and color.  I will happily pay full price if it means I don't have to wade through a bunch of items that are on clearance because nobody wanted to buy them, even when they were 50 percent off.  I just don't have the stomach to look past the sequinned tops and the puce green blouses to find the one sweater that doesn't make my skin look gray.

Now my husband can zero right in on the perfect item, sale rack or no sale rack.  He loves Goodwill.  He goes in and comes out five minutes later with a pair of jeans, size 34-30, for $6.50.  I think it's a genetic thing that cannot be learned.

[Rose2Bear]

I don't think you're a jerk, either. 

I'm the same way too about used clothes. My friend's sister once told us a horrible experienec she had at a thrift store - she bought a jacket that the store said had just came it. It was faux fur or something. When she got it home she noticed it smelled sort of strange and when she turned it inside out to inspect it better, she found it was soaked with BLOOD.

I know that is the very RARE exception, but hearing that when you're about 12 years old is enough to deter anyone I think!

[Lizmo]

Awww, thanks for your responses everyone!  Even though I personally can't shop there, I still donate my clothes and everything.  I know some people really get a kick out of thrift store shopping, and I also know that some people need stores like that.  I think I'm goin to try to drop it with this girl, and maybe find somethign we have in common so I don't feel like such a snot.

[IndianInlaw]

Lizmo, a lot of (if not most) people shop there because they choose to. 

It's like fishing, you to see what you can get.   

I used to go thrift store shopping with my compadres, most of whom were well off, retired people.

My friend Mary, found a diamond cameo ring for fifty cents and my friend Ron, got a LL Bean leather jacket for three bucks. 

Don't think we were depriving poor people...when the last big downtown department store went out of business, it took the adjacent Goodwill store with it.   The well off shoppers kept the Goodwill store going.