Author Topic: Is there anything I can do about this? (Read 3917 times)

Ko-Ko · « **Reply #15 on:** January 23, 2007, 08:10:09 PM »

If it were almost anyone else I probably wouldn't be that concerned about a freshman dating a junior, but since Diana isn't very mature and Damien is the result of a terrible accident in the chemistry lab, so it is creepy.

Ko-Ko

Chocolate Cake · « **Reply #16 on:** January 23, 2007, 08:17:45 PM »

One way to get him to show his anti-semitism is to bait him in front of Diana. Make him angry enough and that charming persona will fade away quick.

freakyfemme · « **Reply #17 on:** January 23, 2007, 08:35:26 PM »

Quote from: Chocolate Cake on January 23, 2007, 08:17:45 PM

One way to get him to show his anti-semitism is to bait him in front of Diana. Make him angry enough and that charming persona will fade away quick.

No, because then Diana might just get upset with Koko for making Damien angry.

Chocolate Cake · « **Reply #18 on:** January 23, 2007, 08:49:19 PM »

I trust that Koko can figure out how to bait him in a subtle way, as opposed to being hostile towards him. Maybe she introduces the topic of the movie she just rented, which just so happens to be "A Beautiful Life" or "Sophie's Choice" or "Schindler's List". Or, she brings up a book she just read like "The Nazi Officer's Life" or "Let me go". Or, she brings up something about her relative's recent Bar Mitzvah or, simply, the message she heard last week at Temple.

She can ask everyone what they think Obama's chances are in the upcoming presidential election.
And so on and so forth using the water drop approach rather than a "bat to the head" approach. If Koko is very pleasant and cordial during the discussions, he'll look like a jerk when he starts to crack and she'll be in the clear. It won't take too long; a 17 year old buy doesn't have the stamina to maintain a "false front" for very long. Let's hope Diana isn't so enthralled with being on a date that she misses the red flag when it waves in front of her face.

Ko-Ko · « **Reply #19 on:** January 23, 2007, 09:05:36 PM »

Quote from: Chocolate Cake on January 23, 2007, 08:49:19 PM

I trust that Koko can figure out how to bait him in a subtle way, as opposed to being hostile towards him. Maybe she introduces the topic of the movie she just rented, which just so happens to be "A Beautiful Life" or "Sophie's Choice" or "Schindler's List". Or, she brings up a book she just read like "The Nazi Officer's Life" or "Let me go". Or, she brings up something about her relative's recent Bar Mitzvah or, simply, the message she heard last week at Temple.

She can ask everyone what they think Obama's chances are in the upcoming presidential election.
And so on and so forth using the water drop approach rather than a "bat to the head" approach. A 17 year old buy doesn't have the stamina to maintain a "false front" for very long. When he starts to crack, let's hope Diana isn't so enthralled with being on a date that she misses the red flag.

So I could say something about the Holocaust survivor who came to visit the temple? I could say how it was really moving, and how it was sad that people were treated that way, how people should respect everyone's religions and cultures etc.

About trying to bait him, this vaguely reminds me of that scene in the Hebrew Hammer (awesome movie) where the Jewish guy accidentally ends up in a Nazi skinhead bar. As all the other guys are staring at him (he's orthodox so it was obvious) he pulls coins out of his pockets saying, "Can I pay in shekkels? I just got back from Israel and all I have are shekkels," antagonizing the other men more. Of course the Jewish guy then pulls out two guns, shouts, "Shabbat Shalom, mother*******!" and chases all the nazis out of the bar. So I'll probably forget that last part.

Maybe

Ko-Ko

Chocolate Cake · « **Reply #20 on:** January 23, 2007, 09:15:30 PM »

So I could say something about the Holocaust survivor who came to visit the temple? I could say how it was really moving, and how it was sad that people were treated that way, how people should respect everyone's religions and cultures etc.

Sure, but you have to be careful to work it into conversation casually -- not too strong, let the discussion build naturally, just prompting it along. If it dies for lack of interest, try a different flashpoint topic a little later. If you think they could handle it, you could have one or two others in the group in on your scheme to help further things along.

Ko-Ko · « **Reply #21 on:** January 23, 2007, 09:22:23 PM »

I think I could handle something like that, as long as I act natural,and don't do anything stupid. On second thought, if I'm not going to do anything stupid, I can't act natural.

And if Diana is there he still has to be nice to me.

Ko-Ko

Fellini · « **Reply #22 on:** January 23, 2007, 10:01:46 PM »

I'm surprised that so many are suggesting/urging KoKo to bait Damien (any relation to the Omen?) into reacting by bringing up so solemn a topic as the Holocaust. If I were in this situation I would calmly confront him and ask outright if he has any problems with Jews or any other groups or I would approach Diana with my concerns. Baiting him could go horribly wrong, causing another fight or perhaps angering your friend if she feels you're being passive-aggressive. Sadly, Jews sometimes have to deal with snarky comments to out-right bigotry (believe me, I know) but Hebrew Hammer-type responses don't help. Angering this jerk is only likely to increase his resentment.

Rose2Bear · « **Reply #23 on:** January 24, 2007, 12:21:15 AM »

The age thing is definetly weird...

But I agree with everyone in that there is, unfortunately, not much you can really say to your friend. It's probably better to say less than risk her getting mad and dumping you as a friend, becasue then when she REALLY needs a friend if he screws up down the road, she will still have you.

Maybe you can hope for the best that she will be a good influence on him? You never know...

Rei-chan · « **Reply #24 on:** January 24, 2007, 12:47:53 AM »

Now, why would anyone deliberately bait someone like this Damian kid? Based on description, this could go baaaadly.

My suggestion would be more like this:

If Diana asks you outright what you think, then tell her flat out. Also let her know that whatever decision she makes, she is still your friend.

Then, let her find out for herself. When I was a teen, having a friend "ambush" another new friend to prove something to me would only make me mad and want to be with new friend more.

Rach · « **Reply #25 on:** January 24, 2007, 03:19:01 AM »

Hmm having read the thread I'm surprised no one else seemed to mind that Ko-Ko watched him being beaten up and then protected the attacker.

I'm sure Ko-Ko is right that its not a good idea for her friend to go out with this jerk, but I doubt interfering will work with a fourteen year old. I would calmly tell her what I knew of the bloke and then just be there for her.

guihong · « **Reply #26 on:** January 24, 2007, 06:38:53 AM »

I'm surprised no one has suggested Ko-Ko go to her mother or father, and have them go to the other girl's parents. I would certainly want to know who my 14 year old daughter was dating (not that she would date at this age).

gui

Ko-Ko · « **Reply #27 on:** January 24, 2007, 03:59:12 PM »

Quote from: Rach on January 24, 2007, 03:19:01 AM

Hmm having read the thread I'm surprised no one else seemed to mind that Ko-Ko watched him being beaten up and then protected the attacker.

But what could I possibly have done?

TZ · « **Reply #28 on:** January 24, 2007, 04:08:20 PM »

Quote from: Ko-Ko on January 24, 2007, 03:59:12 PM

Quote from: Rach on January 24, 2007, 03:19:01 AM
Hmm having read the thread I'm surprised no one else seemed to mind that Ko-Ko watched him being beaten up and then protected the attacker.

But what could I possibly have done?

You could have attempted to break up the fight or at least told the truth when questioned. Telling the truth based on the fact that he technically started the fight isn't really truthful. Surely you must know that.

I don't think there's anything you can do. Wanting to protect your friend is admirable, but I agree with some other posters that it's her mistake to make. If you tell her the truth about him, she is not likely to be receptive. People seldom are. And, given your friend's fight, she might rightly point out that your opinion can hardly be considered objective. I'm not saying you're wrong about him; I'm saying that she has plenty of reasons to believe that your opinions might be colored by past conflicts, even if they are perfectly sound judgments. I think you should briefly offer your opinion if she asks for it. Then, I would drop it and just be there for her.

Ko-Ko · « **Reply #29 on:** January 24, 2007, 04:20:18 PM »

But he really did deserve to get hit. And it's not like we planned it in advance, so when it happened i was very shocked. And I couldn't possibly tell on Angela especially since it was all Damien's fault anyway, since I have certain principles that I have to follow. If he's going to say derogatory things about other people he needs to except the consequences of his actions. If I had told on Angela, she would have been perfectly justified in never speaking to me again.

Someone who can say such horrible things about somebody completely unprovoked should not be going out with DIana. I just wish he would leave her alone and go bother somebody else.

Ko-Ko

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