Argh!

[StaciNadia]

So, things have been going pretty well.  Mom's not calling every day, and she talks for a few minutes about the ex before I say no more, and the phone conversation's over.

Yesterday, we had a good conversation where I said I wanted her to be happy, but I wasn't saying anything specific (getting back with him).  She seemed to take that well, unlike the other times.  I'm sure she was hoping I WAS talking about him, but I wasn't.

So today, she's telling me about a letter she was sending him along with some other things.  So I said, fine, I'll call her after work and listen to it.  He called her yesterday to say he wasn't sure about staying with her current girlfriend (she's pregnant by him).  He also said he and Mom would probably never be a couple again.  I remembered that and I pointed it out to her, that not only did I think he was bad for her, but he said that.  She insists he could change his mind.  I protested, and now she says she doesn't want to bother with me anymore.  And now -I- feel bad...  I feel so tired of this...

[Cyndi]

Well, if she wants to set herself up to get hurt and you tried your best to convince her otherwise, then it IS her own fault. Don't beat yourself up. *hugs*

[Rach]

Your situation would usually happen in reversed roles! It makes me think of parents disapproving of a teenagers unsuitable love interest, because they can see  the train wreck, and the kid becoming angry and then 'hates' them for worrying.

In those situations, they more the parent tries to advise, the more the kid digs their heels in, perhaps its similar for your mum.

I think you have been taking just the right approach, perhaps don't listen to things about him as much if you can, and then be prepared to be there for her without saying 'I told you so' if/when she gets hurt. That is if you want to maintain the relationship, she is of course behaving badly towards you.

Please don't feel guilty, you just care about her.

[StaciNadia]

Your situation would usually happen in reversed roles! It makes me think of parents disapproving of a teenagers unsuitable love interest, because they can see  the train wreck, and the kid becoming angry and then 'hates' them for worrying.

Indeed, it seems very familiar to this!  And I'll try hard to not say "I told you so", either, if she gets hurt again.  I don't hate her or anything--she's my mom, and all the family I have!

I'll try not to beat myself up about it.  Just irritated and sad at the same time.  Thanks for letting me vent!