How many guests is too many? (6 year old birthday party)

[hollasa]

My eldest daughter Katherine is turning 6 next month. Up to now, we've had fairly low key birthday parties at home, with friends and neighbors, of approximately age + 1 attendees. We have a big playroom, big living room, so it's mainly been playing, cake and snack, parade around the house, and then home again.

This year, Katherine's in kindergarten. Her class is 11 students in total, and she's been to 3 birthday parties so far. With the small number in the class, it's very common to have all class members invited. One birthday party was at an indoor play area, one was at a home, and one is to be at a swimming pool (this last one is inviting just the 4 girls in the class). We're going to be invited to at least two more, just from casual conversation this morning with two moms...

My family tradition is to have small parties - but then, I wasn't popular in school, and having a July birthday meant that everyone was away when it was my birthday! Is having some 15 kids for a party a rude number? Would it seem like a huge gift grab, or would it seem friendly?

One little boy, who went to daycare with Katherine (and now goes with her sister), was asking me today if he was invited to her birthday, and when I said I'd check with her, he told his daycare provider that he was "dancing with joy" that I was going to check with her. She's a popular kid!

As we're going to be renovating our kitchen sometime around then, I'm thinking of going to the play area instead of having a party here - I'm not too sure about that number of kids here, big house or not! Plus, all those little boys...

At what point does this become too much? One little girl who's come to the last several parties lives up the road from us; we haven't seen her for a while (don't much in winter, plus her mom has a little baby, plus we have rather different parenting practices) but I can't *not* invite her, can I? If her neighbors are invited? And if we've done it the past two years, plus gone to her party?

And then there's Brandon, who again used to go to daycare with Katherine, still goes with her sister - sisters were invited to Brandon's birthday party, if his friend's invited he'd want to go, if he goes his sister (one year older than Katherine) would love to come, plus their cousin's in Katherine's class...

Yikes!

Thanks for any tips,

Sarah

[MrsP81]

Since the class is so small I would be tempted to invite them all if that is something you can do. It would feel awkward for the children who weren't invited since there aren't many to start with. As for the other kids outside of her class, that would be a judgement call. You don't have to invite them just because that is how it has always been. If they still see each other a lot and get along then fine but not just for the sake of inviting them.

[freakyfemme]

I'd say invite all the kids, but maybe direct the party AWAY from your house (or at least, the parts of the house that need renovation).....maybe do ice skating or sledding or something, followed by a "picnic" of hot chocolate and birthday cake or whatever, in your basement, if you have a finished basement. 

[Shoo]

We had 12 kids at my dd's 6th birthday party.  Didn't seem like too many to me, but I think I may have a high threshhold for chaos.

[LifeOnPluto]

What about a picnic in a park, if it's not too cold (I'm assuming you're a northern hemispherian)?

Otherwise I don't see anything wrong with capping numbers to the 11 children in your daughter's class. If you feel things might get too unruly, you could always rein in another adult, or a teen to help with the little ones. Eg your husband, or family friend, or teenage niece, etc etc.

[kiero]

The rule I grew up with was this: either less than half a 'group' or everyone.  So that could be less than half the girls - or all of them, less than half the class total - or the entire class.  I think this was the school's 'recommeneded' policy.  Basically it really sucks when only one kid from a certain group is excluded. 

So I don't see anything wrong with inviting just the girls - that would be cool.  But don't invite most of the class and not all the class. 

[willow08]

My general rule is one child per every year of the the birthday kid's age. so for your child that would be six kids. Maybe just invite the girls and have a princess party, since she seems to be into dress-up. (From the picture.) If you think that would hurt feelings, have the whole class of kids and do something large-group oriented like a skating party or a movie.

[hkkatie]

either less than half a 'group' or everyone.  So that could be less than half the girls - or all of them, less than half the class total - or the entire class.

I've never heard that rule before, but it makes perfect sense to me!

Good luck w/ whatever you decide!

[dietcokeofevil]

I think there are a couple of factors you want to consider.  Are you expecting some or all of the parents to stay?  Will you be serving lunch or just cake?  And will you have a series of activities planned or some other entertainment or do you plan to just let the kids play like normal?

We've had 3 parties for my daughter (5) so far.  The first couple we had at our house.  Her 3rd birthday we had about 12 kids (entire daycare class was invited).  All the parents stayed and we did serve lunch.  Plus we rented the Tumblebus, which kept the kids busy for 1 hour.  The next year we again invited her entire class at her new daycare as well as a few people from her old daycare.  We ended up having 19 kids attend, but most of the parents didn't stay.  We hadn't planned on that and it was a lot more hectic for us! Even though all but one of the kids were well-behaved.  That time we only had cake, and we rented one of those bouncy things.  This last year we rented a local swingset stores showroom.  Since you had to pay extra for more kids, we only invited about 20 kids and about 16 showed up.  We did require a parent to stay for each child and we served lunch.  I preferred this, because I could still decide how I wanted the party to go and provide my own food, but I didn't have clean my house up after the party.  

[hollasa]

Original poster here - thanks for all your comments! I should show a picture taken outside, this weekend:


I don't think we'll really be able to plan to go outside  , don't know what the weather will be doing. (I live in Northern BC, this is more snow than we've had for a number of years).

So, does anyone feel that having a large number (say, 16) of kids is rude in and of itself, or does it just indicate a high tolerance for chaos?

There are only 4 girls in the class of eleven, but Katherine is friends with a number of boys, too. I don't feel that just inviting them would work, plus I don't want to start segregating by gender when she doesn't really get that concept as yet.

thanks again!

[Sterling]

When it comes to a party for a child I don't think that the number of guest is rude one way or the other.  Just do what you think you can manage.  If you can deal with 15-20 invite them.  If not nothing is wrong with just a handful.

[Twik]

If you can handle 11, go for it if you want. I don't think inviting the class would be seen as a "gift-grab"; at that size, I'm sure she knows all the children equally well, and they would notice if a handfull were left out.

[MelJill]

The rule I grew up with:  one guest for every year of the birthday child's new age.

I wouldn't call a larger party rude, as long as none of the invitees get into a head-scratching "how come was I invited"?

[Amy Rose]

No- 15 isn't too many. There will always be kids who can't make it. We had Halloween parties when I was a kid (2nd until 8th grade) with up to 25 kids, in a tiny little one-story house, and it was never that hard--- I did most of the setup and planning (except the Haunted House, that was grandpa's job) and the worst thing that ever happened is a kid was getting a soda and smushed his finger in the fridge.

Alternatively, you could invite just all the girls, and have a princess or hello kitty or something girly type-party. For birthday parties in grade school, I was told that it wasn't rude to invite only same-gender guests as long as you invite all of the girls (or all of the boys) in the class.

[fklwmn]

Honestly? I'd tell Katherine you can have X number of guests (seems by your typical rule, that would be 7?) and ask her to make a list of the kids she wants to invite.

If ALL of those kids are from school, I'd probably invite the whole class, b/c really it won't make THAT huge of a difference, but I think it would be hard to leave out only 4 kids in her class. But if only 3 or 4 are from her class and the others are from other venues (as you mentioned in your post) then I wouldn't worry about inviting the whole class.

My kids have their parties togther and I used to let them invite 8 kids each, but we never had more than 10 kids at any of their parties until the last couple of years when parents started feeling okay about dropping their kids off and leaving, lol. Now I let the boys invite 5 kids each b/c beyond that it gets expensive!!