What catches your hair on fire?

[HogwartsAlum]

Being told to "calm down", 90% of the time it's used in a rude and condescending way.  I especially hate it when I AM calm and soemone says that to me because they don't like what I'm saying.

I hate this too.  Also I hate when I'm bummed or something and someone says in a chirpy voice, "Cheer up!" Grrrrr. 

[kethria]

People responding after I said something, "Well if you SAY so..." I HATE that... I now respond with... I just DID say so... weren't you listening?

[Bijou]

To be more precise:  What phrases, when said to you, cause you to immediately become very upset?

Naturally, we can all agree that being called a vulgar name would cause immediate anger.   

But what about other phrases?  On another thread, a poster stated that being told "I'm disappointed in you" raises her hackles due to her childhood memory of being told so too frequently and indiscriminately by a parent.

So....what could someone say to you that would color your world red?

When I am upset about something and explain why I am upset and then have someone say, "What's your real problem?", as though you don't have a brain in your head.  Example:  "Someone" (who shall remain nameless) commits to drive you to your dental appointment which is at 10am.  You have no other way to get there and they know it, yet, they show up at 11am just because they didn't bother coming on time, causing you to miss the appointment.  When you are upset about it, they ask, "What's your real problem?"  Actually this makes my blood boil just writing it.

[housewife2k]

I have two major ones that set me off...First is anyone other than my Hubby, my two best male friends, or my Mom and Auntie calling me "Little Girl". From Hubby it is a term of endearment, from my friends, who have known me most of my life, it is an endearment, a nick name, and a slight jab at my nautural speaking voice, Mom and Auntie raised me, so that is self explanitory, and it is NEVER said in a derogotory way.
 I am a 5'8" 230 pound mother of three...there isn't anything little about me, so Mr Person at the auto parts store, junk yard, or anywhere else you seem to think women shouldn't be, calling me 'Little Girl' just loses you my business.

The other one that really bothers me is when someone asks what's wrong, and my response is None of your concern, Don't worry about it, or Nothing do not ask "No really, what's wrong? You can tell me"
I assumed when you first asked that I could tell you, if I wanted to tell you I would, but it is either A) none of your concern-so private or sensitive or just something you don't need to know, B) Don't worry about it-should be self explanitory, you do not need to worry, or I know what is wrong, but it is silly and stupid and I know I am being irrational and do not need you to tell me this, or C) NOTHING I will not say that nothing is wrong, when in reality something is buggung me, I had an ex who did this, it drove me nuts, I vowed never to say that nothing was wrong unless truely, nothing is wrong.

[hobish]

Having someone say "but, you're so nice!" when they find out I'm an atheist.

Ok, that nearly made hot chocolate come out my nose. That's incredible.
>>>am agnostic w/some wiccan tendencies<<<

[hobish]

The "N" word.

Personally, i hate being told "grow up." I can't. This is me & this always will be. It doesn't show 98% of the time, but every time someone tells me to grow up i spend days obsessing over whether people can tell that i'm not "normal."

[ButterflieRJ]

I too thought, "Fire... this is going to be an interesting thread" and clicked.  Not what I expected, but still interestig.

What bugs me to no end? 

When people judge me based on one single thing (usually appearance).  It drives me MAD to be immediately labeled as something without being talked to first (yes, even if it's a flattering label).  It just bugs me, becuase 99% of the time the label's way off.

It also bothers me to be told that I'm not good enough.  Growing up, I always heard, "A B? Why not an A?" or worse, "An A? Why not an A+?"  So to hear, "This bath tub's FILTHY!" 3 days after scrubbing it and 2 days after taking a bath (plus 2 people's daily showers) makes me feel, well, crappy and inadequate (and yes, I got that recently while living with BF's parents).

And I HATE hearing about people who willingly don't care for a pet.  People who say, "Fluffy needs to be groomed, but I've been too busy to take her in" and have a dog with horrible mats and nails so long they've started to curl under make me see red 10 times over.  It also bothers me when similar-minded people don't properly train their pets, and then complain when Fluffy makes in the house.  If you can't make the time for a pet DON'T GET ONE!!!!
Along those lines, it makes my blood boil when people have a pet for YEARS and suddenly decide they dont' want it anymore, and just dump it at a shelter or on the side of a road.  It KILLS me.

Gah there's more, but I'm frustrated beyone words right now LOL!  I may do more later...

[T'Mar of Vulcan]

The phrase "black man's timing"    (or other stupid phrases that people invent to make their bad behaviour look acceptable)

Heh - when people are late in this country we say, "Oh, don't worry, we're working on African time."

I am African (born, raised and live here), so I can say that.

[Ki]

Being called "kid" - "kiddo" is fine from a very few select people because it's used as an endearment.  Yes, I'm 26 and have been offered a children's menu (12 and under) in the past couple months.  I know I'm young-looking, and I really don't need to be reminded that I am the height of a normal 10 to 12-year-old.  Calling me "kid" doesn't make me think you find me charming, it makes me think you're condescending.

"If you loved me you would...(insert request here)"  My mom used to pull this when I was a kid, and still tries, though she uses different words.  DBF used the phrase, thinking it was a cute joke, exactly ONCE.  After the earful I gave him, he hasn't said it again.  I find this phrase incredibly manipulative, and I therefore respond badly.

"You don't need to shout."  I wasn't shouting, my voice is loud.  What really bugs me here is that most people who say this to me have known me for years and are aware that I have a naturally loud voice, and am not consciously raising it.  If I consciously try to speak quietly, it usually comes out as a whisper and won't ever sound confident.

[mrsbrandt]

Don't tell me you're "fine" when you're really not.  If you don't want to discuss it, then just say so.  But don't say, "I'm fine" or "whatever" in that huffy annoying voice when I ask what's wrong.  Because it's OBVIOUS to everyone in the huge wide world that things aren't fine, and it's not just a whatever situation.  You're more than entitled to not have to talk about it right now, but blowing me is not a nice way to appreciate my genuine concern for you!!! 

Dh sometimes does this and it just bugs the heck out of me.

[Lexophile]

Lately, it's been having someone ask me to go get sandwiches, print labels, or burn CDs - anything that I would have had to handle when I was an administrative assistant. I recently got a promotion, but there are still people who refuse to acknowledge it (they have been told several times).

In general, I hate it when anyone tells me a racist or sexist joke. To me, that says not only do they not respect that race or sex, but they don't respect me enough to find out if it's going to offend me before telling it.

[kingsrings]

Being told, "Don't push me". That I see as a childish, bully-like threat. It goes along with being threatened with physical violence when someone is angry with you. Such as, "I'm going to kill you!" I'm gonna smack you upside the head!" I don't care if you think it's just a figure of speech when you're angry and is not to be taken seriously, that is a threat of physical violence, and it's not to be taken lightly.


When soldiers and sailors are called derogatory names such as baby-killers. Coming from a military family, I don't take well to them being called such names.


Being called a Bible-thumper because I am a devout Christian. I think it implies negativity about my religion, so therefore it's insulting.


Being told, "You should just be grateful or thankful that you're......." when I complain about something. Just because I'm complaining or venting about something doesn't mean that I'm not grateful or thankful.

[Linley]

Being told "you'll change your mind" and any sentence beginning with the words "when you're older..." especially when said in a condescending tone. I may be in my twenties but I'm an adult, not a little kid and when I say something, I mean it, thankyouverymuch, just because you're older doesn't mean you're wiser and just because you did something doesn't mean I have to.

[Belle]

Being told I'm "too sensitive" when I object to somebody acting in an offensive manner, because they're not willing to acknowledge that they're being offensive. For years I was told I was "too sensitive" by one of my parents. It took me until I was in my 20's to realize I wasn't too sensitive, the parent was simply being a jerk. Ergh! 

Example: I reveal to a parent that I am more than a bit dismayed with my cousin, who has repeatedly sent me e-mails that I find personally offensive. The e-mails (quite literally) say that people with my particular beliefs are the source of all moral decay in this country. These e-mails are sent to me despite my attempts to get the cousin to stop sending them, and despite the fact that the cousin is well aware that I hold these particular beliefs. (So it's basically cousin's passive aggressive way of telling me that I'm ruining the country.) I am told by my parent that I am simply "too sensitive." The next day, parent proceeds to send me the exact type of e-mail that I complained about, stating that people with my beliefs are "bed-wetting sissies" (among other derogatory statements). The e-mail is sent to me with the statement, "Belle-I know you're a little [person with this particular belief] but I thought you would find this funny. --Parent" Yes, being called a bedwetter and a psycho is-ha-ha-funny. I protest to the parent and point out that they sent me something that I clearly told them was offensive to me. Again, I am told I am simply "too sensitive" and don't know how to take a joke. I'm sorry--if I call you a bedwetting psycho, is that funny???

Ohhhh, that really pushes my buttons. So, yeah, a sure-fire way to raise my hackles is to tell me I'm "too sensitive." Just because I'm willing to stand up for my beliefs and object when you treat me in a derogatory manner does NOT mean I'm too sensitive!

[Belle sits down and drinks a coke.]

[Belle goes back to the keyboard and decides she needs another coke first.]

[14 cokes later...]

Ahem. Where was I?

Oh, and people that tell me racist jokes and then say "But it's okay, because I'm not really racist." If you weren't, on some level, racist, you wouldn't be telling those so-called jokes.

[kingsrings]

Belle-have you tried countering those emails with ones of your own, calling their side of the political fence terrible names? Maybe they need a dose of their own medicine. Or perhaps you can tell them that you're now blocking their emails because they won't stop insulting you.