What catches your hair on fire?

[Lisbeth]

To be more precise:  What phrases, when said to you, cause you to immediately become very upset?

Naturally, we can all agree that being called a vulgar name would cause immediate anger.   

But what about other phrases?  On another thread, a poster stated that being told "I'm disappointed in you" raises her hackles due to her childhood memory of being told so too frequently and indiscriminately by a parent.

So....what could someone say to you that would color your world red?

1. "Grow up"
2. "Get over it"
3. "Deal with it"
4. "Figure it out for yourself/You're the ---, you figure it out"
5. "That's your problem"
6. "So?/So what?"
7. "I don't know what to tell you/I don't have an answer for you" (from my parents)
8. "Smile!"
9. "Whatever"/"Oooookay"/"I'm sorry you feel that way" (used dismissively)
10. "You'll get over it/him" (with a condescending smile)
11. "You're overreacting/oversensitive/being ridiculous/being stupid"
12. Anything of a "You need to lose weight/wear makeup etc. or wo/men won't be attracted to you" nature
13. Any kind of racial, religious, national, ethnic, sex, or sexual orientation-based slur
14. Profanities (IMO raunch does nothing to add realism, sophistication or maturity to conversations)
15. Threats of physical violence
16. "It's G-d's will" (How do you know? Are you G-d?)
17. "Duh/no duh" (this is so juvenile)

There are others, but those ones do it immediately.

[DottyG]

Being told I'm "too sensitive" when I object to somebody acting in an offensive manner, because they're not willing to acknowledge that they're being offensive.

YES!!!!!

Can I join you in that Coke Fest there, because I hear you loud and clear.

I don't have the same kind of circumstances that you have (with the racist emails), but I do object STRONGLY to people telling me I'm "too sensitive."  NO.  YOU ARE JUST TOO RUDE.

And, excuse me for HAVING some sensitivity.  Maybe you should try it sometime.  Or, maybe you should realize that this same "sensitivity" in me that you "hate" right now is the same dang "sensitivity" that allowed you to cry on my shoulder at any time of the day or night when you needed me.  You can't have it both ways here.

Deep breath.......I need a Coke now, please.

[Belle]

Being told I'm "too sensitive" when I object to somebody acting in an offensive manner, because they're not willing to acknowledge that they're being offensive.

YES!!!!!

Can I join you in that Coke Fest there, because I hear you loud and clear.

I don't have the same kind of circumstances that you have (with the racist emails), but I do object STRONGLY to people telling me I'm "too sensitive."  NO.  YOU ARE JUST TOO RUDE.

And, excuse me for HAVING some sensitivity.  Maybe you should try it sometime.  Or, maybe you should realize that this same "sensitivity" in me that you "hate" right now is the same dang "sensitivity" that allowed you to cry on my shoulder at any time of the day or night when you needed me.  You can't have it both ways here.

Deep breath.......I need a Coke now, please.

Here--have a two-liter. I stocked up after that last rant of mine!

[Belle]

Belle-have you tried countering those emails with ones of your own, calling their side of the political fence terrible names? Maybe they need a dose of their own medicine. Or perhaps you can tell them that you're now blocking their emails because they won't stop insulting you.

With the cousin, I did try a counter-e-mail, although I didn't stoop to cousin's level. I forwarded an article from a researcher at Harvard that called into question whether morality is at all related to different types of beliefs (including those that I hold). The researcher's basic premise was that what we consider to be "morality" functions independently of people's beliefs about [X, Y, and Z] Cousin's response? "Next time don't send an article with so many big words! It was too hard to read!"

Sigh. Perhaps I should have stooped to her level, as cousin apparently doesn't have the ability to reach my level.

Suffice it to say, I have severely limited relations with this particular cousin.

[Cz. Burrito]

"You just can't take a joke." 

[Mrs. Eclipse]

"You just need to develop a thicker skin," told when I take offence at a teasing remark.
There are lines that I don't feel comfortable crossing when it comes to friendly teasing.  I respect yours, please respect mine.

After I found out that politely asking them wouldn't make it stop, I started countering that line with a really rude fat joke, and somehow I stopped hearing it so often...

This is slightly OT, but I found out that this thread makes me frustrated thinking of all the things that catch my hair on fire... so I put the Baroque Hoedown on in the background and now it's just silly!  Try it with your favorite bouncy-fun song!

[minnaloushe]

I think some of this has been covered before but...

You need to...
Could you (whatever) for a minute? (as opposed to please).
But you're (whatever-too old, too young, too female), you can't do that!
You don't have kids so...(insert assumptions here)

And my newest thing that sets my teeth on edge is the Do-Do'ers.  "I do have to go."  I do think it's right." I do want to see." etc. Because it makes me want to sing the Police. Do-do-do-do, da-da-da-da, that's all I want to say to you...

[Cyndi]

Personally, i hate being told "grow up." I can't. This is me & this always will be.

POD WITHIN A POD WITH A SIDE HELPING OF POD! That always pisses me off. It's very hard to act like an adult when I have the emotional capacity of an 8 year old.

But this is the one that makes me go all Godzilla inside: "Wait? You're autistic? No waaaaaaaay! Autistic people are those kids who sit rocking in a corner and scream when you look at them!"

I swear on my life that if I ever get to try out on American Idol, the first thing I'll say if Ryan Seacrest asks me about my autism(because I will disclose that information) is this: "Most people of the mute kid who rocks in a corner when they think of autism. That may be true for some, but that's not all of us. God gave me a voice, and I want it to be heard. This is my chance to be heard and it doesn't matter if I'm not what they're looking for."

[LadyJaneinMD]

What catches my hair on fire?  People who insult me and make fun of me, only to explain it by saying, 'We tease you because WE LOVE YOU!'.  ARGH!  I've told them to 'stop loving me so much', but they don't listen.
It's gotten so that every time I head towards my sister's place, I cry for at least half of the drive, just anticipating.....

I wouldn't visit them at all if it weren't for my nieces.  I love those girls.  I tend to teach them that abuse isn't love.

[Athos_000]

I am going to jump on the "you're too sensitive" bandwagon!

I broke dh of that habit one day by explaining to him that I have the right to feel hurt/angry/whatever and it doesn't mean that I am being "too sensitive" it means he is being rude (rare) or that I misunderstood what he was trying to say (more often than not). He may still think I am too sensitive, but at least he thinks before he says it out loud lol.

[ptcruzinkim]

Being told to "calm down", 90% of the time it's used in a rude and condescending way.  I especially hate it when I AM calm and soemone says that to me because they don't like what I'm saying.

POD! Pretty close to a Top 10 for me too.

Another is this instant intimacy that some people at work try to pull with me. Hello? We were never friends and don't assume we are. Don't shorten or lengthen my name and do not address me like a family member would. Get to know me first. 

Also "Smile! It can't be that bad." Um, excuse me? You would come to this conclusion exactly........how? I'm not a big smiler, never have been.  And what if "it" IS that bad?

[hobish]

Being told "you'll change your mind" and any sentence beginning with the words "when you're older..." especially when said in a condescending tone. I may be in my twenties but I'm an adult, not a little kid and when I say something, I mean it, thankyouverymuch, just because you're older doesn't mean you're wiser and just because you did something doesn't mean I have to.

OOOOooooooh! "just because you're older doesn't mean you're wiser and just because you did something doesn't mean I have to," sounds like an excerpt of the speech i used to have to give people all the time. That was definitely part of my top 10 peeves when i was younger, and it usually was in reference to having kids. I am 33 now, still without, and still don't want any. The pestering does eventually go away.

[Crazy TKD_girl]

To be more precise:  What phrases, when said to you, cause you to immediately become very upset?

Naturally, we can all agree that being called a vulgar name would cause immediate anger.   

But what about other phrases?  On another thread, a poster stated that being told "I'm disappointed in you" raises her hackles due to her childhood memory of being told so too frequently and indiscriminately by a parent.

So....what could someone say to you that would color your world red?

1. "Grow up"
2. "Get over it"
3. "Deal with it"
4. "Figure it out for yourself/You're the ---, you figure it out"
5. "That's your problem"
6. "So?/So what?"
7. "I don't know what to tell you/I don't have an answer for you" (from my parents)
8. "Smile!"
9. "Whatever"/"Oooookay"/"I'm sorry you feel that way" (used dismissively)
10. "You'll get over it/him" (with a condescending smile)
11. "You're overreacting/oversensitive/being ridiculous/being stupid"
12. Anything of a "You need to lose weight/wear makeup etc. or wo/men won't be attracted to you" nature
13. Any kind of racial, religious, national, ethnic, sex, or sexual orientation-based slur
14. Profanities (IMO raunch does nothing to add realism, sophistication or maturity to conversations)
15. Threats of physical violence
16. "It's G-d's will" (How do you know? Are you G-d?)
17. "Duh/no duh" (this is so juvenile)

There are others, but those ones do it immediately.

Some of those I hate, too.
1. "Grow up"--I AM grown, I just haven't matured, yet.
2. "Get over it"--This is what I'm told when I get annoyed over my aunt telling me how to live my life.
8. "Smile!"-- My paternal grandmother always used to tell me this when I was around her. When I have a reason to smile (ex. when I around my TKD instructor), then I WILL smile, but until then GET OFF MY BACK!
9. "Whatever"/"Oooookay"/"I'm sorry you feel that way" (used dismissively)--Usually said to me when I complain about being treated like a toddler.
11. "You're overreacting/oversensitive/being ridiculous/being stupid"--I have every right to be upset when you tell me I'm some fat, ugly slob & nobody in their right mind is ever going to want to date me. Or even be NEAR me!
12. Anything of a "You need to lose weight/wear makeup etc. or wo/men won't be attracted to you" nature-- Yes, because OBVIOUSLY, only skinny, little, blonde anorexic bimbos have boyfriends. The rest of us 'ugly' females (brunettes & redheads) are DOOMED to a life of loneliness.

Also: being told I don't know anything because I'm: female, young, young-looking, in college.
        'Nice little girls don't do/say/whatever things like that'
        Girls don't do whatever period.

[Emmy]

Kingsrings, I am a Christian also and it burns me when people make light of that.  I hate the phrase "that's not very Christian", especially when it is used to mean "that's not nice".  Somebody was trying to pressure me into doing something wrong when I was younger and by being firm and refusing the person, I was told that I was "not being very Christian" for standing up for what I felt was right.

It also burns me when people think they can read my mind or understand my feelings when they have it completely wrong.  I think I understand my own feelings better than anyone else.

This happens mostly with family, but they will often push an issue (usually a critism about me), often making me upset in the process, just to win the fight.  The worse part is it usually is a fairly unimportant discussion that would have minimal impact, put they push my buttons until it become a big fight.

[RuneGuardian]

I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it grinds my gears when someone will say something and end the statement with "y'know?"; an example is as follows: "I have to be somewhere tonight and then get up for work early tomorrow, y'know?" I don't know why I hate this, but I do. My ex said it all the time and I wanted to slap him every time he said it.

Another one is the "You're too young to know what you want" - I get this pretty much only when I tell people I'm childfree and make the stupid mistake of telling them my age. I'm too young to know I don't want kids (because that's just silly for a woman of childbearing age  ), but I'm not too young to decide to go to college, not too young to decide what my money gets spent on, not too young to be living 500 miles from home, and so forth. I'm old enough to make all these other very profound decisions, but I'm too young to know whether or not I want kids. One thing that really chapped my a** is some two-watt bulb on another forum who told me, verbatim, "At your age, being childfree is hardly a lifestyle choice". So I should go out and get pregnant today because being a mother at 19 is the ideal lifestyle choice for every woman? If people don't agree with my CF choice, then I can understand it. If they're curious about my reasoning, I'll be happy to answer their questions. But it pushes all my buttons when people tell me my decision is immature or invalid due to my age. [end rant]

This one doesn't bug me nearly as much as the previous, but I get a slight bit ruffled when I post a topic on a forum and someone posts a reply like "I dunno lol" or "I have no idea who/what --- is". Earth to stupid people: if you don't know anything about the subject being discussed or have no way to relate to it, why do you post stupid replies saying that you don't know?

I'm done now.