Author Topic: "men don't fall in love."  (Read 7727 times)

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Tabris

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"men don't fall in love."
« on: November 25, 2007, 10:15:54 AM »
Mr. Tabris does not read this board, so I was shocked when he came out with this one yesterday:

My mother: Women fall in love, but men don't marry for love. They marry for more logical reasons.
Mr. Tabris: What? I don't think that's true!
My mother: Men analyze things and don't marry just because they're in love the way women do.
Mr. Tabris: What an interesting opinion.

He hasn't been drilled in "an interesting assumption" so I thought he did really good.  ;) But the most horrifying thing about this was that my mother didn't "get it" that she was slamming both him *and her husband* who was sitting beside her! Agh.

(the good thing is, Mr. Tabris and I had a solid discussion about it afterward.)

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to ease than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

Tabris is on indefinite hiatus. You can still visit me at my weblog. Thank you.

Venus193

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2007, 10:35:55 AM »
"Love does not exist.  That's a concept invented by guys like me to sell nylons."
-- Don Draper in Mad Men

Tabris, it sounds like your mother has an axe to grind about something.  My divorce friend, whom I will henceforth refer to as Blanche DuBois, also believes that men do not fall in love.  Long story about her axe (and ex).

As to the etiquette issue, your mother was out of line.

Tabris

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2007, 06:16:55 PM »
What's funny is that my mother honestly doesn't seem as if she has an axe to grind! And when I thought about it, my father was/is an incurable romantic at heart. And yet my mother seemed to truly believe what she said. Very strange.

My point was only that my husband, from his limited secondhand exposure to this group, managed to pick up enough to come up with the "interesting assumption" line when on the spot, and I found that funny.

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to ease than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

Tabris is on indefinite hiatus. You can still visit me at my weblog. Thank you.

Twik

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2007, 07:36:21 PM »
If that was true, Prince Charles would still be married to Princess Diana.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

IndianInlaw

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2007, 10:44:25 AM »
Twik, you always know the right thing to say.

I was about to agree with the MIL.

Twik

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2007, 12:05:52 PM »
(blushes) Thank you, IndianInLaw! Coming from you, that's high praise!
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Flora Louise

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2007, 05:35:15 PM »
Then who wrote all that poetry we had to read in high school?
Just because you're disappointed in me doesn't mean I did anything wrong.

Calbrini

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2007, 05:40:15 PM »
my mother jokes that my dad looked at the practical side of marriage before he asked her.

Firstly that she had been looking after a home since she was 14 so knows how to cook etc and secondly she was younger so more easy to 'handle' of course she is joking.

my dad jokes back that he realised all his drinkng buddies had got married and he was one of the few left, also that his parents were not going to live forever.

I hope they are joking!!!


veryfluffy

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2007, 06:15:11 AM »
My mother: Women fall in love, but men don't marry for love. They marry for more logical reasons.

An interesting opinion, but also completely logically flawed. Whether or not someone does fall in love is completely separate from whether they marry for love.
   

Twik

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2007, 07:18:04 AM »
Then who wrote all that poetry we had to read in high school?

Exactly.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Kendo_Bunny

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #10 on: November 27, 2007, 08:53:04 PM »
I think it's best to marry for logical reasons in addition to love. After all, love doesn't put food on the table, and marriage definitely isn't all candlelight and roses. I don't think a lasting commitment can be made on love alone- there have to be other things to prop it up. Love is like the icing, compatibility is the cake. I don't think accepting that means that you don't believe in love or believe that people shouldn't marry because they're in love. But I don't believe a stable marriage can be made just on love. Choosing one person to spend the rest of your life with takes a lot of logical thinking.

Virg

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2007, 09:32:49 AM »
Tabris, your mother's comment falls down in saying that "men (fill in blank)...", as though all men are the same and do the same things for the same reasons.  As for your husband, great minds do think alike, it seems.

Virg

Tabris

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #12 on: November 28, 2007, 12:34:07 PM »
THinking about the conversation we had afterward, I'm wondering if my mother wasn't actually putting down women as "women are silly romantics who would harness their life to someone else because of a few silly feelings."  My mom is very practical. :)  Kendo_Bunny, she was saying some of the same things.

I have to factor in that she just helped my brother break up with Okay (from another thread--he was dating her because "she's okay" and admitted he didn't love her at all, but she threatened suicide if he broke up with her) and two other individuals in her life keep coming back to her asking for help in nasty, unequal, and borderline abusive relationships. She probably thinks that if only the women in all three scenarios could have logically set everything on the scale, they'd have seen the best thing to do was get out of Dodge.

Regardless, Virg, you're right--"All Men believe XYZ" is rude regardless of whether it's a positive or a negative that's being said.

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to ease than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

Tabris is on indefinite hiatus. You can still visit me at my weblog. Thank you.

IndianInlaw

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2007, 01:37:22 PM »
Oh gosh, I remember when he broke up with Okay.

How's he doing?


bionelly

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2007, 03:04:25 AM »
Love is like the icing, compatibility is the cake.

As my mom used to tell me, "It's important to love the person you marry, but it's even more important to like them."