Author Topic: "men don't fall in love."  (Read 7786 times)

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Tabris

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2007, 09:22:09 AM »
Oh gosh, I remember when he broke up with Okay.

How's he doing?

He's doing a lot better now. Okay has stopped pestering him with phone calls/emails because she went out and got a job. See, she was qualified in her field, but she had opted not to get a job and wait for him to marry her and take care of her. Seriously.

My brother is now deciding whether to also leave a career he hates and join an organization that teaches impoverished kids in third world countries. He did that for two years after college and found it very fulfilling, and he's always wanted to go back. Now that he's free of Okay and paid off his college loans, he's free to go back if he wants--and I think he wants to. He's also totally changed his diet (he's nearly vegetarian now!!) and begun exercising, so he's completely turned his life around. It's amazing.

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to ease than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa

Tabris is on indefinite hiatus. You can still visit me at my weblog. Thank you.

DreamingOfARedGown

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #16 on: December 08, 2007, 02:55:46 AM »
THinking about the conversation we had afterward, I'm wondering if my mother wasn't actually putting down women as "women are silly romantics who would harness their life to someone else because of a few silly feelings."  My mom is very practical. :)  Kendo_Bunny, she was saying some of the same things.

I have to factor in that she just helped my brother break up with Okay (from another thread--he was dating her because "she's okay" and admitted he didn't love her at all, but she threatened suicide if he broke up with her) and two other individuals in her life keep coming back to her asking for help in nasty, unequal, and borderline abusive relationships. She probably thinks that if only the women in all three scenarios could have logically set everything on the scale, they'd have seen the best thing to do was get out of Dodge.

Regardless, Virg, you're right--"All Men believe XYZ" is rude regardless of whether it's a positive or a negative that's being said.

My current boyfriend's ex threatened to kill herself if he broke up with her.  And he said something to the effect of "Well, if you'd do that to yourself over a 4 month relationship, then that's really a shame.  I can't make you love yourself, but all I can say is that I'm not happy and I don't want to see you anymore."  Assertive but compassionate.  And she's still alive.  She even tried to pretend that she was pregnant like, a month later.  He said "Oh really, how far along are you?" She said "Oh, I don't know".  And he said something to the effect that he knows her and she'd be having a FIT if it were true (she was really and truly mentally disturbed and could barely tell someone that her favorite shoes had been scuffed without dramatics let alone something as serious as that) and that he was quite positive he had not made a single mistake in that area.  And after about 5 more minutes of pretending like it was true, she gave up and confessed.  And then he said "Goodbye" and hung up.  It's women like that that make some men think we're ALL crazy.  I'm sorry that your brother got all tangled up by a girl like that.  It's hard for a lot of people to not capitulate when someone plays the "S" card.

And to OP, I've had a fit or two when I've heard someone say mean-spirited, sexist things about either gender.  And especially if it had been my mom, I would have taken her to task right there at the table.  No boyfriend of mine would have had a chance to speak in response to her ridiculous comment because I would have gone "MOTHER!  What is wrong with you?  I want to see you on the porch, right now!"

Venus193

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #17 on: December 08, 2007, 07:37:08 AM »
She even tried to pretend that she was pregnant like, a month later.  He said "Oh really, how far along are you?" She said "Oh, I don't know".  And he said something to the effect that he knows her and she'd be having a FIT if it were true (she was really and truly mentally disturbed and could barely tell someone that her favorite shoes had been scuffed without dramatics let alone something as serious as that) and that he was quite positive he had not made a single mistake in that area.  And after about 5 more minutes of pretending like it was true, she gave up and confessed.  And then he said "Goodbye" and hung up. 

A friend of mine went through this several times with the same ex-GF.  I eventually concluded that he is attracted to the drama because it took him 14 years to break up with her.

kareng57

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #18 on: December 20, 2007, 10:42:20 PM »
Actually - I think a lot of guys really have more of an emotional need for companionship than many women do.  Of course, no one wants to stereotype, there are many exceptions.

But I think it's true that after a breakup, many guys want to rebound into another relationship  right away (not always the best course) while a woman will want to take a breather.  And even after being widowed (after a long loving marriage) I think men are quicker to want to remarry.  Of course that's fine - I always figure that people who had a wonderful marriage will often want to spend their remaining years in another great relationship.  People who spent the last 20 or 30 years being miserable with each other aren't in the same category, of course.  However, it can be true that many women who are, say, in their late 70s and who have been caring for an older husband during his last years might feel a bit "liberated".  They can now get together with (often-fellow-widowed) friends, do more travelling etc.  Somehow women are able to do more "connecting".

Please understand that I am not talking about people who are kind of helpless after being widowed - i.e. a man who doesn't know how to turn on the stove/washing machine/vacuum, or a woman who cannot drive or write a cheque.

LJM

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #19 on: December 25, 2007, 08:47:51 PM »
Saying $HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION is, thinks, does, or believes anything is preposterous, whether you set

$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="men"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="women"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="people over the median human hight"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="people under the median human  hight"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="people over the median human weight"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="People under the median human wight"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="People above the median human income level"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="People under the median human income level"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="People above the median human age"
$HALF_THE_WORLDS_POPULATION="People under the median human age"

three billion people is just way to big a group to be making generalizations about.

LJM

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Re: "men don't fall in love."
« Reply #20 on: December 25, 2007, 08:52:29 PM »
Actually - I think a lot of guys really have more of an emotional need for companionship than many women do.  Of course, no one wants to stereotype, there are many exceptions.

But I think it's true that after a breakup, many guys want to rebound into another relationship  right away (not always the best course) while a woman will want to take a breather.  And even after being widowed (after a long loving marriage) I think men are quicker to want to remarry.

I've heard that this is due to socialization: women are encouraged to have a broad support network of friends and relatives, men are discouraged from receiving emotional support from anyone other than a romantic partner. Thus women without romantic partners have far more options for culturally sanctioned emotional support then men without partners do.